I have been trying to lose weight for the last year.
For the last 63 weeks, actually.
I need to lose weight.
In order to be at my healthiest and most comfortable, I really do.
If I want to run a sub 4 hour marathon (and that’s still a goal of mine), I need to lose at least 20 pounds.
I also want to lose weight. Not because I lack confidence or because I don’t want to wear a bathing suit.
I wear a bikini all the time.
I just don’t feel good being this heavy.
And while I love my body and appreciate all that it has done, does, and is capable of doing, I would like to change the way it looks.
But BOY AM I STRUGGLING.
It is fucking hard.
And in the last six months especially, I have had a hard time making much progress.
Or any progress.
I am really active. I mean, you really can’t not be active with five kids at home.
I work out (almost) daily.
If you’re into tracking steps, for reference, in the last 7 days, I’ve averaged 15,000+ steps a day, and I’ve averaged 14,900+steps a day in the last month.
I ran 6 miles on Monday, did 33 minutes on the elliptical on Tuesday, ran 5 miles on Wednesday and ran 4 miles today.
Exercise is not my issue (although I do need to increase both the amount and frequency of strength training I’m doing).
My issue continues to be food.
I am really struggling with the fucking food.
Struggling so much that in the last couple weeks I have gained a few pounds.
And no, it’s not muscle.
I don’t eat perfectly, but I do eat much better than I did five or ten years ago.
But I am still having days where, when the stress gets to me, I numb myself with food.
Sometimes I do it unconsciously.
Other times, I’m like, Buckle up, Bitches. If you are not nailed down, I AM EATING YOU.
I don’t count calories. I don’t track my food.
I am working on eating intuitively — on listening to my body, eating when I am hungry, stopping eating once I feel satisfied rather than stuffed, not making any foods taboo, and allowing myself to sit in discomfort rather than temporarily distract myself from physical, mental, or emotional pain with food.
I am doing well in some areas, but I have developed a habit of eating something every night in my bed as I watch something on my iPad.
It is a habit that is not getting me where I want to be, and a habit I have not been able to kick so far.
It has absolutely nothing to do with hunger, and everything to do with habit, and distracting myself.
And it’s something I want to stop.
In fact, my plan is to report back to you in one week that I’ve got seven nights of no eating in bed at bedtime (or any other time) under my belt.
This habit is definitely not helping me.
But neither is menopause.
Entering menopause has fucked with my body.
Big time.
Menopause is like,
AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! I am not gonna make this easy on you, Susie. When you eat shit that your body doesn’t need, I AM GOING TO MAKE IT VERY OBVIOUS.
When I gain weight it goes to my midsection first. This was the case five, ten, twenty years ago.
But now it’s like the weight in my stomach area is on steroids.
It’s going all right to my middle with a fucking vengeance.
And I don’t like that.
I don’t like how it feels, I don’t like how it looks, and I don’t like the implications it has for my health.
I have officially reached that stage of my life where I just cannot eat as much as I used to.
Not if I want to maintain a lower weight and feel fit and not have a heart attack or develop diabetes.
And while that sorta sucks, it is what it is.
So I am continuing to work on this.
The other day I was reading an old post I wrote about how my kitchen was out of control and my closet was out of control, and my dining room table also used to be totally out of control as well as the whole laundry situation.
And I have gotten all of those reined in.
My dining room has been clutter free and we have been eating at the table for the past 18+ months. I have a great laundry system for the whole family that works. I usually have a fairly clean kitchen — I still have some room for improvement there, but I’ve made some pretty massive changes.
And on July 2nd, I will be alcohol free for two years.
So I’ve made lots of changes in areas of my life that were either unhealthy or totally out of control.
And that is a reminder to me that I can get this food thing under control, too.
It’s not impossible for menopausal women to lose weight.
I know this because plenty of them have done it.
And if I can make changes in other areas of my life, then I can do it here, too.
I just have to keep trying until I find the equation that works.
And while I’m not where I wanted to be when I started this whole journey 63 weeks ago,
I’m definitely not where I was.
You have made great progress and your side by side from week 1 shows it! I stumbled upon a private Facebook group after it was suggested to me and a book. Delay, Don’t Deny by Gin (pronounced Jen) Stephens. It is a super easy read about her journey and a nice introduction to intermittent fasting. Her fb group she admins is one of the most supportive and kind group I’ve ever been a part of. Peoples issues that they are seeing reversed bc of Intermittent fasting are unreal. There are many stories about menopause screwing with us and how IF has helped with the countless and issues. Every age, every gender, lost 130 pounds, lost 10 pounds, but most importantly people immediately start to feel better. And start seeing all these extra health benefits. I decided to give it a shot, wanting to lose 20 pounds or so and I’m on week 5. I also needed to cut the sugar and snacking once my kids were in bed. I can’t believe how much better I feel and how freeing it is. I’m not constantly thinking about food. Anyways, I just thought I’d suggest it. If you like podcasts, she interviews people and those are really inspiring too. And I learn a lot.
I will check her out for sure! I listen to podcasts when I run, and I’m always looking for new ones — Just subscribed to hers! Thank you!
You’re welcome! If you don’t have time to sit and read (like me lol) download her book from audible. Your first download is free too! I listened to it in less than 2 days.
Hey Susie, you’ve done so well over the last 63 weeks, don’t beat yourself up! You can definitely reach your goal if you keep going. It truly is calories in vs calories out in terms of losing weight on the scale (you can’t outrun your fork lol) so if perhaps give calorie tracking a try with My Fitness Pal or something similar. It’s a pain in the butt for the first few weeks but then after that it’s really easy.
You probably know this already but if you want to change your body composition and lose fat then strength training is the key! I used to be a cardio bunny but couldn’t figure out why although I was in a ‘healthy’ weight range my body looked like mashed potato. I had no MUSCLE! I was skinny fat – just bones and fat basically lol. It took me 1.5 years to get into the best shape of my life (I only had to lose weight for the first 6 months then I just maintained my weight but changed my body composition with weight training) and now I eat intuitively and continue to strength train with some cardio on the side.
I know you love to run and I’m not saying you can’t but honestly adding a proper strength program 3 days a week with progressive overload (this is the KEY) will massively help you! When you strength train it boosts your metabolism like crazy.
Good luck!
This is me so much! At 52 I kill myself at the gym every day but Sunday. Lifting weights for an hour 4x a week, and 45 mins of high intensity spin 3x a week. I cannot get my eating under control. I hate the way I look, all my weight goes directly to my waist, I need to get 30 lbs off. As a sober alcoholic coming up on 13 years, and I quit smoking and doing drugs 10 years ago, I still equate food with a reward for getting my shit together. I think I would be all set if eating wasn’t required and you could just “quit” eating. I have no regulation or control!
I want to encourage you that it is hard not to eat at night after kids are in bed. I have the same issue! When I see it start getting out of hand, I can’t stop cold turkey even though I know it’s wrong and I’m not really hungry. What I’ve found that works for me is making sure I eat a good and filling dinner, and if I really want to eat at night, I eat fruit…in the summer melon is especially good bc it’s so much water that it fills you up with relatively few calories, and it’s sweet, so it hits my sweet tooth. I’d encourage you that whatever you do, try it in baby steps – big leaps don’t often work long-term.