Divorce has been a real-life intensive course in boundaries for me. At first, it taught me that I had none, and now it’s teaching me how to establish them. But what the heck are boundaries? Boundaries is a pretty popular word these days, and I think it’s also misunderstood. Especially by women my age and […]
setting boundaries
Stop Doing Everything. Start Doing the Right Things.
Being a mom is pretty much an 18-year group project. And for most moms, you’re the group member doing almost all of the work while everyone else covers a little sliver (if you’re lucky). You’re the default meal planner, house cleaner, laundry folder, dinner maker, logistics figure outer, scheduler, problem solver, lost thing finder, and […]
Did You Do It Today?
It doesn’t take 21 days to develop a new habit. That’s misinformation that spun from a plastic surgeon’s observations. Maxwell Maltz was a plastic surgeon and a writer. In 1960 he published Psycho-Cybernetics, which is still regarded as a classic self-help book. Maltz noticed with his plastic surgery patients that it took about 21 days […]
You’re Supposed To Be Having Fun, Too
I used to do a lot of fun stuff. Then I got married and had kids and almost everything I loved doing came to a screeching halt as I prioritized everyone else and what they wanted to do over just about anything I wanted to do. Twenty years, five kids, and one divorce later, this […]
Setting Boundaries, Part 1
It wasn’t until a couple months ago I realized I had almost no boundaries with the kids. We aren’t talking Lord-of-the-Flies-lack-of-boundaries or anything – they have expectations and responsibilities and the majority of people who know them would tell you they are hardworking, respectful, polite, decent (not perfect) human beings. But hardworking, polite, decent kids […]
What I Learned When The Kids Were Gone For Two Weeks
The kids spent the first two weeks of August with their father. This is the longest time we’ve ever spent apart (except for Ingrd who goes to school about 5 hours from home). I knew I needed to file for divorce for a long, long time. For many years. What kept me from pulling the […]