I recently listened to an episode of The Rich Roll Podcast with Jim Murphy.
The whole episode is so good, but there is one thing in particular Jim said that I have thought about every day, multiple times a day since hearing it.
The idea was this:
We don’t know what’s best for us outcome-wise.
We don’t know what’s best for us outcome-wise.
Wait a second.
WHAT? My way might not be the best way???
Listen.
I come from a looooooong line of hard-headed Swedish women who know how/when/what/where to do EVERYTHING.
There is one way, which is also obviously the best way.
This also happens to be the Swedish mom/grandma/great grandma way.
It’s taken me a long time to unlearn this. It will always be a practice for me.
As athletes and parents, we’re conditioned to believe we know exactly what “best” looks like.
Winning. Making the cut. Getting the offer. Getting into that school. Landing that job. Loading the dishwasher.
We don’t just want those outcomes; we assume they’re necessary for our kids’ success and happiness.
You’ve got the milestones and timelines and procedures perfectly planned out. You know exactly the best course of action.
But what if you don’t?
What if the best thing for your kid right now is to get DQ’d?
What if that rejection is building something that success would actually interrupt?
What if taking time off isn’t the death sentence you believe it to be? What it it’s actually a rebirth?
What if the universe knows we aren’t ready for that pressure yet? What if it knows there’s more work to be done first?
This perspective has shook me. In a good way.
Because when I look back at my own life and at my kids’ lives, the moments that shaped us the most weren’t always (or usually) the ones where everything went according to plan.
They were the moments that didn’t.
As parents, we carry an enormous sense of responsibility. And with that responsibility often comes certainty.
We’re sure we know what’s best for our kids. The right path. The right pace. The right outcome.
That certainty usually comes from love. We don’t do what we do because we’re trying to mess our kids up.
We are doing the best that we can. But sometimes our best is not good enough. These moments of disappointment are opportunities for all of us to grow.
What if our kids’ struggles, setbacks, and detours aren’t disasters, but training grounds?
What if the path we’re trying so hard to push them toward is actually a cliff?
Not having something figured out or mastered doesn’t mean they’ll never be ready. Or you’ll never be ready.
It means there’s still work to be done.
More resilience to build. More perspective to develop. More internal scaffolding to construct.
Maybe the delay is the lesson.
Patience is a hard thing to come by these days. That requires practice, too.
The next time you or your kid don’t get the result you were hoping for (or planning on), try this before going straight to worst-case-scenario, catastrophizing thinking.
Pause.
Then remind yourself:
Winning might not be the best thing right now. Getting that job might not be the best thing right now. Acing that test, making that cut, getting that promotion…
All that might not be the best thing right now.
Maybe you need more practice.
Maybe there’s something better right around the corner.
Maybe you missed something.
Maybe we don’t know what’s best for us outcome-wise.
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