Week 36

Healthier living continues for me!

I am not where I want to be eventually.

But I am headed there.

You know, twenty or fifteen or ten or even two years ago, I never would have dreamed that I’d be at the point I am now voluntarily.

Twenty years ago I was smoking massive amounts of weed, about two packs a day, and drinking my fair share of alcohol.

Ten years ago I had become a mother.

I quit smoking, but I started eating.

Everything.

I was about fifty pounds heavier than I was when I got married.

The only reason I ever exercised was in order to lose weight, in between pregnancies.

I had a really bad episode of depression that started with a few glasses of wine and ended with me spending a few days in the psych ward at the hospital after OD’ing on an entire bottle of Xanax.

I was a fucking mess.

Fast forward to now.

I quit drinking — not because of an ultimatum or because I got myself into trouble but just because I was ready to start taking better care of myself — about a year-and-a-half ago.

But then I got injured and then had fairly extensive surgery, and I had stopped running, and I gained a whole bunch of weight again.

As soon as my six weeks of post-operation recovery were done, I got my shit together.

I was done being out of control in any area of my life, and I was done not taking care of myself.

That was 36 weeks ago.

I started working out again.

I started eating better.

The eating has been a slow going process. It’s my biggest challenge.

But I’m progressing.

As far as exercise goes, it’s a daily thing.

It’s non negotiable.

I run almost every day.

I lift four times a week. I just do that here at home in my little workout area.

I am doing the LIIFT 4 Beachbody program.

It’s 8 weeks long, and I am on week 2.

Of my second round!!!

I have been strength training consistently for ten weeks now.

And I love it.

I went from kind of hating strength training to really loving it.

So far in December I have run 62 miles.

62 miles in seventeen days!

I love it!

And I feel so good now.

I FEEL SO GOOD NOW.

I know I may sound like a little bit of a psycho, but it’s true.

It feels good to take care of myself.

Sometimes in the moment it does not feel good.

I don’t wake up every single day super excited to work out.

Some days it does take me a few minutes — like 45 minutes — to get my butt out the door because I’m just not feeling it.

On those days I focus on how I’ll feel at the end of the day.

I know I’ll be disappointed with myself if I don’t take care of myself.

Which is how I view it, 100%.

It’s self care.

Self care isn’t telling your husband you need a weekend to yourself to recover from parenting or getting a massage or taking a mental health day from work.

Maybe sometimes those things are self care.

But self care is really taking care of yourself on a day-to-day, hour-to-hour basis.

Exercise is self care.

Not polluting my body with booze is self care.

Fueling my body with actual food is self care.

Self care isn’t always fun.

Self care isn’t even usually fun.

It’s mostly discipline.

The same way you take care of your car or your house or your clothes or whatever.

Self care is often doing stuff you don’t want to do, and doing it every single day.

And that’s where I am now.

I am taking care of myself.

Even during the holidays.

I’m down 4 inches off my waist and 3  inches off my hips.

I can hold a sub 10 minute mile for a 5K now — something I couldn’t do even five weeks ago.

I am much more flexible, and I have way more muscle than I did at the end of the summer.

And I feel awesome.

But what feels even more awesome is that I’m just getting started.

2019 is gonna be my best year yet.