I am going though some really tough stuff right now.
And I don’t know what to do.
One day I am sure I know.
Then the next day I question every thought I had the day before.
It’s very uncomfortable.
It’s scary and frustrating and infuriating and devastating and exhausting.
90% of the people I talk to about this tell me the same thing. They are adamant about it.
I agree with them some of the time.
Like probably 50% of the time.
20% of the time I believe the total opposite of that 50%.
And the other 30% of the time I am so fucking confused I don’t know what the hell to do.
Today I messaged a friend who I trust and whose opinion I respect and who can relate to my situation.
I texted her a message that ended with:
I’m not sure what I’m doing. I just feel like you might understand more. This is so hard.
She texted me back.
Perhaps I can share with you a blog post from a pretty fucking awesome person I follow on the interwebs. There are a few of the posts about this topic so I’ll send you the last one and then you can click through there to go back to the beginning…
Yes. That was just what I needed.
I needed to read something written by someone who had some insight. Someone who could tell me exactly what to do. Someone who would help me expedite the whole process of trying to figure out what the hell to do and sort of fast forward to the end.
She didn’t mention Brene Brown or Glennon Doyle or Oprah or anyone by name, so I was kind of interested to discover this new person who could help me out.
Then she forwarded me the link…
It was my own damn blog post.
But she was right.
I knew I messaged her for a reason.
I needed to look within myself. Stop fighting the discomfort. Stop feeling the need to direct the course of events. Stop trying to force things.
And just let them unfold.
Allow uncertainty and all the shitty emotions that accompany it to just happen.
See where things go from there.
And then do the next right thing.
The next right thing might be super shitty. It might not.
The next right thing will make itself known as long as you let your guard down, allow yourself to be vulnerable, and relax.
So that’s what I’m doing.
I’m trying anyway.
If you are in the middle of something shitty, stop fighting it.
The more you tense up and clench your body — and mind — the harder it is for the solution to reach you.
You can’t receive anything.
Instead you just repel everything.
The answer could be right in front of you — or it could be a long way off — but either way, when you are in attack or defense mode, you are preventing anything from making its way to you.
So I’m relaxing and opening my body and my brain to receive.
And just doing the next right thing.
No matter how uncomfortable the process is.