I’ve recently started watching The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.
It took me a long time to pull the trigger to watch this show.
I’ve had friends rave, but for some reason I just didn’t think I’d like it.
I was wrong.
I LOVE IT.
If you’ve never heard of it, it’s about a newly married housewife in the 1950’s — Midge Maisel — who has a picture perfect marriage/home/life and who realizes she has an undiscovered talent — stand up comedy.
It’s like an edgier, Jewish, 1950’s Gilmore Girls with more dudes and more f-bombs set in NYC and also that place from Dirty Dancing.
The dialogue is fast-paced and you love each character for different reasons. Some characters are a little over-the-top, but they are all relatable in some way.
I love Midge because she’s super ballsy and super quick witted.
I love her potty-mouthed manager and her father (Tony Shalhoub from Monk — he’s so good) and pretty much everyone else.
But I really love her mother.
And the other day I was watching an episode, and I don’t want to spoil anything for anyone who hasn’t watched it yet, but the mom had basically had it. And she took off.
And Midge finds her and they are talking and then as Midge is leaving she says to her mom, “I’ve missed you, Mama.”
And her mother says, “I’ve missed me, too.”
That line nearly took my breath away.
Because I realize I feel exactly the same way.
Over the last fifteen years I have done a lot of work.
I have changed a lot of things.
I am proud of the changes I’ve made and how much I have grown.
But I have also realized over the last year or so that many of the changes I have made weren’t for me, but for other people.
I think this is pretty common for mothers and wives.
I have made changes and stopped doing things that I really enjoy (I’m not talking about giving up drinking — that’s one big change I’m really proud of and really happy about) or stopped prioritizing myself or making my voice heard in the hopes that it would change my relationships or what other people thought of me.
I’ve sacrificed more than I needed to and more than I wanted to.
I’ve grown in so many ways.
But I’ve wasted away in too many others.
And I’m just not willing to waste away any more.
My inner voice is back. She’s had enough.
And she’s fucking screaming at me.
I’ve decided not to ignore her anymore.
Because while I’ve grown and I’ve improved and I still have work I want to do, well…
I’ve really missed me, too.