A little over three years ago I wrote a blog post entitled I’m Okay With People Being Wrong About Me.
I’m still okay with people being wrong about me, but, like all of us, I sometimes revert to old behaviors and defend myself unnecessarily.
Sometimes it takes me a minute to realize it, but I’m way better than I was three years ago.
I still find myself occasionally defending my decisions.
Here’s what’s taken me a long, long time to realize.
It’s IMPOSSIBLE to give people all the details and backstory for them to understand why you make the decisions you make.
Unless you’ve lived it, you can’t totally understand it. Ever.
We justify and rationalize and defend to try and get people to understand. Especially the people who judge.
When you spend your life people pleasing and making decisions to keep other people comfortable at the expense of your own comfort and what is in your best interests, you create a habit of needing other peoples’ approval at all times.
People who judge are gonna judge no matter what.
There is no amount of explaining that will stop them from judging. They don’t want to know the full story.
They want to make sure you know they are better/smarter/more experienced than you are.
That doesn’t say anything about you, but it says a lot about them.
It tells you that they have their own insecurities they are dealing with.
One of the biggest gifts you can give yourself is to stop making decisions based on what you think other people are going to think about you.
It isn’t your job to manage other people’s reactions to what you do and don’t do.
It’s your job to manage your decisions and your reactions.
About five weeks ago I went to see my daughter swim at her high school championship meet in Pennsylvania.
It was a 2-day meet, and I stayed in a hotel.
Most (maybe all? I’m not sure) parents of the swimmers on her team were there at the meet.
They got together for lunches and dinners both days of the meet.
I didn’t eat with any of the parents. I was either at the pool, the hotel, or in my car.
I made no effort to hang out with any of the swim team parents and I made every effort to spend as much time by myself as possible.
It was what I needed then.
It had nothing to do with any of the parents at the meet and everything to do with stuff that I’m dealing with.
It was the best decision for me.
I set some serious boundaries for myself that weekend.
It made some people uncomfortable enough to tell my daughter I should have eaten with them and hung out with them at the meet.
It’s taken a lot of practice for me to not be bothered by this.
It’s taken a lot of practice for me to worry about my own comfort rather than other peoples’ comfort.
Me spending time by myself five weeks ago had nothing to do with anyone else and everything to do with what was best for me.
There is only one person who ever has all the information.
You know what you need and what you don’t need.
And you are not responsible for making everyone around you comfortable at your own expense.
I shared this quote with my E-School members last week and I want to share it with you:
You don’t owe an explanation to other people in order to take care of yourself, and what other people think of you is none of your business.
If other people aren’t okay with the decisions you are making for yourself and your health, that’s not your problem.