I’m working on a book. Maybe. Here’s the first chapter.
I got kind of drunk at our wedding.
I don’t know if I could tell you the exact reason why.
It was probably a combination of a few things.
September 18, 2004 was our wedding day, and it was also my 35th birthday.
Hurricane Ivan had hammered Connecticut the day and night before.
Trees were down, roads were closed, the power was out, and I had an appointment that morning to get my hair done.
It took me an hour to drive what normally took fifteen minutes.
Almost every road I drove down had a detour.
I was super stressed and super late, and the morning went nothing like I had envisioned.
I bet I smoked close to a pack of cigarettes before noon.
Maybe that was part of the reason I had a little too much to drink that night.
As all brides do, I wanted to rock the shit out of my dress.
I don’t think I ate very much the week — or let’s be honest, the month — before the wedding.
That didn’t help.
There was that voice in my gut questioning me. Are you sure?
I guess nerves (and my gut) might have had something to do with it.
There was another thing.
When I pictured myself standing at the end of the aisle as that wedding music began to play, I envisioned one of those viral wedding videos where the groom is either super emotional or has a visible holy-shit-she’s-so-beautiful moment.
I envisioned that moment over and over and over again in my head.
It would only last a moment.
But it would be a moment I’d never forget.
I never had that moment.
I waited and paused for an awkwardly long time for my husband to turn around and see me and mouth the word, WOW.
But he was looking the other direction.
And it wasn’t until I had walked about a third of the way toward him that he turned around.
It seems a little silly to even think about it now, 16 years later.
But at the time, I was really kind of crushed by that.
I never told my husband about that.
Who knows. Maybe was another reason why I went a little overboard at my wedding.
I suppose it doesn’t really matter why I chose to do that.
But, that’s how my marriage began.
The signs were there from day 1.
Actually, for both my husband and for me, the signs were there well before that.