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Your Decisions Can Be UN-decided.

January 31, 2020 by not your average mom Leave a Comment

I have had a rough couple weeks.

It’s why I’ve been virutally absent here on the blog and also on the Facebook page.

The details aren’t important.

I don’t need any sympathy or empathy or Oh, that sucks.

What I do need is to reevaluate, and I need to look at the life and the schedule I have set up for myself.

And I need to make some changes.

You know how I know this?

First, I cannot keep my house organized.

Even with the kids’ help, the schedule is so busy and so full that I just can’t get to it or even find a way to manage everyone so that we are all pitching in.

That’s the first reason.

The second is that I am so exhausted, I am having trouble getting up in the morning.

And I’m a morning person and this does not happen to me very often.

Third, I fucking lost it on the kids last week.

LIKE I REALLY FUCKING LOST IT.

And I don’t do that often either. Not the way I did last week.

I went on an epic and really impressive f-bomb dropping tirade.

That was when I realized I had to change what was going on at home as far as how much I was doing and how little everyone else was doing.

I did make some changes last week.

The kids have been contributing daily and regularly without a protest.

I’ve been super consistent with them in that department.

Today I was feeling like I was starting to get on top of things again.

My room is still a mess and the kitchen is also kind of a mess, but little by little I’m making progress.

Today I planned my morning out.

As soon as Number 6 and 7 got on the bus, I was going for a run.

I was dressed, I had my water bottle full, I had my phone charged and ready to listen to a podcast.

But I couldn’t find my gloves.

And I couldn’t find my headphones.

It was cold and I was not running without gloves or my podcast.

I usually put my gloves in the same place every day.

I have a basket for my gloves and my hat in the mudroom, and as soon as I come inside, that’s where I put them.

Then, I roll up my headphones and I put them in the wooden tray in my office by my computer.

My gloves were not in my basket (and I only have one pair) and I couldn’t find my headphones (and I only have one pair).

I spent my entire 45 minutes of running time looking for my goddamn headphones and gloves.

I never found them.

I had a phone call at 9 and a Facebook live for Not Your Average Fitness Course, and then a meeting at school, so that was my only window this morning for exercise.

And I wasted it looking for two things that I am usually very disciplined about (because I got sick and tired of wasting time looking for lost shit, so I designated a place for those things and have been SUPER consistent about putting them back where they belong).

Maybe Number 4 took them, I thought.

Yes. That must be it.

Blame it on the teenager.

I’d yell at her when she got home and tell her she could not keep taking my stuff, dammit.

I had my call, and then I did my FB live and then I headed out the door to my meeting at school, and I saw this:

My fucking gloves!

AND THE GLASSES I COULDN’T FIND ALL DAY YESTERDAY!!!

I must have put them down when I finished my run.

I have these tree stumps I used for Halloween decorations — YES, HALLOWEEN — that are still on my porch.

I have no recollection of doing this. I have no idea why I put that stuff there.

But when you have literally no idea what you are doing, THEN SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT.

Something is not right.

I am not connected to what I am doing.

My brain is seriously overloaded.

It’s time to make some changes.

I think sometimes we make this schedule for ourselves and our kids and even though it might be a good idea at the time, a year or two later, it doesn’t work anymore.

I have been operating under the belief that I have to stick with this routine and this schedule.

But this routine and this schedule is not working anymore.

I am literally losing my mind.

Not in the going crazy way, but in the doing things I have no recollection of doing way.

So I need to continue to reevaluate and I need to give myself to undo decisions that have been made.

Even if they are unpopular with my kids or my husband or whoever.

Because if I keep going the way I’ve been going, I will self-destruct.

And that would really be the worse case scenario.

Filed Under: Lessons I've Learned, Life at My House, Mental Health Tagged With: overscheduling, overwhelm, parenting changes, reevaluating

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