When I started this blog, I wanted it to be a place for moms (and dads) to come to get a laugh.
And to not feel so alone.
To know that there is at least one other person out there whose kids aren’t perfect.
Whose marriage isn’t always a fairy tale.
Whose house is a mess.
Who sometimes feels overwhelmed. And like a failure.
It kind of snowballed from there.
The more I put out there, the better I felt.
Sure, having no secrets and having nothing to hide behind has left me wide open for attack.
Vulnerable.
But it has also totally freed me.
There is nothing for people to “find out” about me.
I’m not living in fear of being exposed.
And I don’t feel the need to keep up with anyone.
Not the Smiths.
Not the Johnsons.
Not the Joneses.
I’m just doing my thing.
What you see is what you get.
It’s amazing the burden that’s taken off your shoulders once you do that.
Writing about the financial aspect of our lives is a little bit of a concern to my husband.
People don’t like to talk about that shit. Or admit to being in trouble financially.
It’s embarrassing because there’s a stigma attached to not having enough money to make ends meet.
We must be lazy.
We must live beyond our means.
We are irresponsible for having so many children.
We must be drug addicts.
Or gambling addicts.
But no one really knows how we got to be in this situation.
And I’m really tired of the stigmas.
Fuck ’em.
There are a lot of very responsible, hard-working, honest people who end up in the same boat as us.
It happens to good people.
And that is why I share it.
So yesterday when I told my husband I was going to write about The Man from CL&P coming to shut off the power, he wasn’t exactly thrilled.
But then I told him about this message I got on facebook last night (published with permission, and edited to preserve anonymity), and then he understood:
Hi Susie,
We don’t know each other but… I just wanted to Thank you for your blog!
I thought I was the only one in [my town] who fears the CLP guy knocking on my door or paying for all these field trips.
I blew a fuse this morning and my heart started pounding as I ran to the drive way to see if it was disconnected, the whole time thinking I hope they will turn it back on before Monday! …
Thanks for keeping it real and adding a little sunshine to my day!
So maybe there are hundreds of people out there judging me because of my financial situation after I wrote about our visit from The Man.
But I don’t really care.
Because there is one person out there who is feeling less alone today.
And that makes it all worth it.
Whatever situation you find yourself in today,
remember,
you are not alone.
There is someone else out there who is looking out the window to see if the repo man is coming.
There’s someone else out there who fell off the wagon last night.
There is someone else out there who just polished off an entire package of Oreos in one sitting.
There is someone else out there who said something to someone yesterday that they wish they could take back.
There is someone else out there who just had her heart broken.
Or who just broke a heart.
There is someone else out there whose kids just unwrapped 50 tampons, and then made a ketchup swimming pool on the kitchen floor.
Okay.
Maybe not that last one.
That last one may just be me.
But there is someone else out there who thinks their kids suck sometimes.
Because while we love them more than anything,
well,
they do suck sometimes.
Just like whatever rough patch you may find yourself in right now.
It sucks.
But you’ll get through it.
And if you don’t want to go through it alone,
well,
you know where to find me 🙂
Look cute while you manage the chaos. Click here.
I remember the weekend our electricity got cut off. It’s always a late Friday afternoon, isn’t it? We had to beg our next door neighbor to plug our refrigerator into one of her outlets. I still want to die remembering that.
In this perfect facebook world, where everyone has perfect children and perfect husbands, it is refreshing to read about things that happen in my life. I am an expert at juggling bills to make sure I keep the man from turning off our utilities. My husband and I didn’t make the best choices when we were young, but now we have three beautiful girls that we are raising to the best of our abilities. He works full time and I stay home and take care of them. I recently got a part time job but we are having trouble finding people to watch the kids after school until I get home. I may have to quit but we’ll make do. I yard sale for most of the kids clothes but they don’t mind. They get name brands that I couldn’t afford any other way, and the clothes usually look brand new. Anyway, I’ll quit rattling on….thanks for writing a blog that I can relate to. I always look forward to reading a new one.
I just wanted to say how refreshing I find you. I love reading your blog and watching you random photos pop up on my facebook timeline. And your honesty, mostly I find your honesty so needed in a world of online “perfection” or so it is created to seem.
Most of us at one time or another in our lives face financial hell. Sometimes it comes in waves, years of comfort after years of struggles and then boom, you are right back to the struggle and you don’t even know how you got there. I don’t run from the door, I run from the phone, for months as a matter of fact. As I struggled to figure out how I would pay for the thousands of dollars of medical bills courtesty of copays and deductibles from our premium insurance plan which we pay excellent money for and is subsidized through my husband’s work. But when you already live on a tightly coiled budget, a $500 bill, a $1200 bill even the $154 bill and all the ones inbetween well, where do the $$ to pay for them come from. So I took the Ostrich in the Sand approach. If I just shove all the bills in a closet and don’t open them or answer the phone, they will go away won’t they. Hell NO! But the stress of shoving was a lot less than the stress of the heart attack I was sure I was going to have when I finally sat down a couple of weeks ago and went through them one by one to the tune of about $4000. I made phone calls I had been avoiding for months, set up payment plans, and thought I have to tackle this, our “sick season” is only just beginning. What happens if we need to go to the hospital, or the pediatrician’s office stops being gracious about my “excuses.” The stress of financial duress well, it’s damn right stressful. It causes chest pain, heart palpitations and a desire to bury not just my head but my whole damn body in the sand on a deserted island somewhere far away possibly even on another continent. Anyway, the point is, I hear you GIRL. Loud and clear. I hope that your run of “struggles” ends soon and you get to enjoy a run of “comfort” soon!!!!!
I think that people who think that hardship won’t or can’t happen to them are delusional. I also think that people who judge other people for their current state are an interesting breed….because they obviously haven’t had to face that monster…….yet.
I’ve read your blog since the very beginning & this is the first time I have posted a response. I’m a local Realtor and have seen first hand how bad things happen to good people. The number of people out there who have a house to sell & are under water, have no money, are in foreclosure and who have liens on their house is simply amazing. Some people are embarrassed to find themselves in their situation and don’t immediately share with me their situation. Some are right out front about it.
I’ve heard comments from people about “those people taking advantage” of something – meaning that somehow the folks who are underwater in their house are taking advantage of the system. Fact is, if you purchase a home in 2007 and put down the required 20% when you purchased your house (to avoid PMI), you now owe more than your house is worth. House values in the area fell roughly 30% since 2007. This happenstance had nothing to do with anything that people did wrong. For some people, the 10% difference isn’t a big deal, they have other money they can access. To some people, they just don’t have it.
Sorry, but this is what your blog made me think of. I run into it all the time & have become pretty creative in helping my clients.
We are never the only one, but if we don’t talk about our vulnerability and our real in life, we’ll never know that. Thank you for leading the way in the endeavor to be real, relatable, and free of the burden of acting like everything is ok.