The NYC Triath(no ‘a’)lon is tomorrow.
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This is going to be a weekend of conquering fears for me.
I’ve been expending a lot of energy being nervous.
Creating a lot of worst-case scenarios in my head.
Should I drive?
What if I get lost on the way to the city?
Do I take the train?
Is a bike allowed on the train?
What if I miss my Team in Training group and have to take the subway alone?
What if everyone in the group is way more shredded than me?
What if all of them beat me?
What if I dive in the water and my goggles fall off?
What if I get a flat tire on my bike?
What if I can’t finish the run and I have to walk?
That shit is TIRING.
Then last night, I took Number 3 and 4 to swim practice.
I have become friends with one of the moms on the team.
Her husband is a pretty serious and experienced triathlete.
I saw him in the lobby of the Y, and he was going to go swim in the outdoor long-course pool while the kids practiced.
So was I, so we walked over together.
He’s done the NYC Tri before.
In fact, he was wearing the shirt from it last night.
That must have been a sign.
I had diarrhea of the mouth in the anxiety department.
He gave me some pointers.
He told me to relax.
And have fun.
I kept coming up with all these negatives.
I didn’t train enough.
This week was a disaster with no babysitter and all the kids being sick.
I don’t even have bike shoes.
I should have swum more.
I’m afraid of the subway.
No matter how many doomsday situations I came up with, he just kept smiling.
“You are in phenomenal shape,” he told me.
Was he talking to someone behind me?
This was coming from a totally shredded dude who is training for an Iron Man Triathlon next year.
“Well, I’m not in the shape I should be in,” I said.
There I go again.
Shoulding on myself.
“Think of where you were last year at this time,” he said.
And I thought about it.
He was right.
What the hell was wrong with me?
All this worrying and negative thinking is exhausting.
And, quite frankly,
I’ve come a long fucking way since last year.
Why don’t I celebrate that?
I’m still scared.
Of lots of things,
but none of those what-ifs would be the end of the world.
I can manage the subway on my own if I have to.
If my goggles fill up with water,
there is a solution to that problem.
If I have to walk for part of the run,
well, then I have to walk.
I still be there.
Why not put my energy into some different what if’s?
What if I make some new friends that I don’t have right now this morning?
What if I learn a few new things from this experience?
What if I kick some ass in the swim?
What if I really just enjoy the whole experience?
What if everything goes my way?
Those things are a lot more fun to think about.
And you know what else?
I’m staying in a hotel tonight.
No cleaning or laundry or cooking.
That right there is worth all this fear-conquering stuff.
So here I go.
Off to kick some ass.
Conquer a few fears.
And have fun in the process.
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