A couple days ago I wrote this post entitled If my kid is being an asshole, I want you to tell me, and someone left this comment:
It’s especially hard when the parent is sitting right there and their kid is being an asshole. The parent seems blissfully unaware that their kid’s behavior is inappropriate. What do you do when the parent thinks it’s ok?
You could do many things in this scenario.
You could politely ask the parent to talk to her kid.
You could say something to the kid yourself.
You could record the child’s behavior and show it to the parent when he says he didn’t witness it.
You could bring in the most renowned child development specialist to speak with the blissfully unaware parent.
But none of that shit would do a damn thing.
Because when a parent thinks it’s okay for his or her child to behave like an asshole, there is a reason.
The parent is an asshole.
And there is nothing you can do.
You will never be able to smack even a sliver of sense into this parent.
This parent will make excuse after excuse, rationalize, and enable. This person will scheme and plot. This parent will lie. Retaliate on your child. Anything.
But he will never, ever take responsibility.
And he will always point the finger right back at you.
You cannot change the parent. And therefore, you will never change the behavior of the child.
And so, you can do two things.
First, you can have some compassion for the child. Because the child with this parent is basically fucked.
And then, you can teach your child to remove himself from the situation.
Yes, it totally blows when a good time is ruined by someone else.
It sucks when you have to stop playing a game or move your seat at the beach or walk out of a movie theater or leave the playground or stop whatever thing you are doing or enjoying because some jerk next to you is completely out of line.
But the reality of the situation is that the only person you have control over is yourself.
And the most effective way to silence the behavior of someone near you who is being an asshole is to get up and quietly walk away until you reach a place where you just can’t hear them anymore.
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Kim says
Sad, but true! Teaching your child how to get out of the situation will be a good life skill though.
Brandon says
Does this work be cause my step sons is so rude and ingnorantly out of control. That his mother tells me to correct him when she is not around. But as soon as i do she has an issue and they both jump on me.. hes aloud to say he dosnt have to listen to me he does not like me and im in the wrong told im will never try with the child.. but the child loves starting fights between every 1 and walking away. Im wrong to ignore the child says his mother. But it has to be better than her and an 11yr old yelling at me like im wrong or sid somthing wrong..
Jo says
You got that right!
Cp says
i recently did this with my work situation but it took me 2 years to figure out that I can’t change someone else’s behavior. I just had to remove myself from the situation. Good life lesson! Especially for kids who were raised to be people pleasers (ie. Any woman from the 70s and 80s)
Barb says
I thought you were going to suggest some bs to talk to the parent. LOL!! You get it! There is nothing you can do except get your own blood pressure up. I saw a sign yesterday that read….Never approach a bull from the front, never approach a horse from behind, and never approach a fool from ANY direction. It is NOT worth it and I wish I had learned that lesson a lot earlier.
not your average mom says
Love that sign. I’m gonna make one for myself as a reminder 🙂
Deanna says
These are same parents that blame the police for arresting/tazing their special snowflake when they get out of control in public as a older teen/young adult. These are the same parents that have the super attitude with prison staff when they come to visit their special snowflake (who, by the way….is just misunderstood).
These are the same parents that don’t understand why little Johnny has no friends…….
It’s always someone else’s fault…….
Lilbirdie says
First of all, how could you (an adult) call your kid an asshole to begin with? The child copies you in the way you act and the words that come out of your mouth! The way you express yourself and how you handle things your child will mimic you. I would suggest maybe using less offensive words to describe your childs wrong doings and dicipline them in a matter thats effective but not derogatory. and if parents only diciplined themselves to be better examples on how to react to situations i believe the child will have more respect for you, themselves, and the world.
Desdemona says
In all that was written the one thing you choose to focus on is the bluntness of language? I think you’ve missed the point by a mile…
Andrea says
LOVE the rebuttal comment! Sometimes kids are assholes… suck it up buttercup. I found this article because I was researching why kids are in fact, assholes. I read this and laughed… this was so true… so true.
Angela says
I agree with this, but what do you do when said a$$hole child is family and is in your house being a bully to your kids? My father in law has young children from his second marriage and they bully my small children any time they are over. I would love to run away or not invite them but that won’t work. Any suggestions?
Jr says
I think when the behavior is happening in your own home, you have a right to speak up and ask the parent to stop their child’s behavior. Removing yourself from the situation is appropriate when you’re in public and have no “claim” over the area and therefore can’t necessarily demand that people conform to your own standards of behavior, but every adult has the right to set the rules and standards of behavior in their own home, whether from the people that live there or from the guests that visit, and expect everyone who comes under their roof to respect that.
Michelle says
I have seen those parents. If a parent sees my child do something I didn’t see, I’d want to know about it. It sucks that not all parents understand that they have a responsibility to teach their kids how to treat others.
Kaylee says
Love this! But what if I’m married to the other child’s parent?? It’s not that easy to tell my kid to remove themselves from the situation.
Bella says
Sadly this happened to me with my sister and brother in law with their 4 year old son, whats more sad is they were both assholes, my sister saying its ok for her child to hit my child to toughen her up the whole day he was smacking her and even pushed her, she ended up with a black eye even threaten to cut her legs with a plastic scissors, by the time i was fed up I snapped at them and told them to please discipline your child” my brother in law went on a defensive demon possessed mode and attacked me, whats is more upsetting is I was holding a 10 month old baby while he stood there verbally attacking me,intimidating me, still recovering from that trauma but they have a pending case on me I got it all recorded on my iphone and up to this day im still contemplating of getting legal action against them, but somehow I will just have to see this as a blessing in disguised because me and my sisters relationship is finally over, after so many years of one day fighting the next day ok then fighting again that was her last draw im closing my door now from them, as I have suffered enough, from their inflated ego to feeling of superiority and many more.
Christina says
Good for you, and your family. I’m sorry for you that you had to endure another trauma but it’s good to have a cutoff point. Now you can go forward and live your life, just because somebody is blood related to you does not mean you must put up with their destructive behavior. Bravo!
Kerri says
Do you believe a 5 yr old or 10 year old can be an asshole?
OldschoolFool says
I’m gonna catch a lot of heat for this. I’m just telling you how my Dad taught me. He witnessed a cousin physically bullying my younger brother. He pulled me aside and said “he touches your brother again and you don’t bust his lip, you get a whooping “. This bullying had happened many times and it was my dads brothers son. My dad came up in a rough time with rough people and knew there was only one way to stop it. Needless to say, he kept an eye on things. When my cousin tried to knock my brother down again, I hit him in the mouth hard. Not a Mike Tyson hook, just a kids punch but it was the most effective action. Cousin cried and ran to his dad. My dad was ready to stepped in but uncle told cousin “you treat people bad you gonna get punched”. It never happened again and our cousin became a cool guy. I hate confrontations and physical violence but we enable these a$$hole parents and kids by being so passive. We reinforce the idea that they can do what they want because no one will stop them. I’m not saying 5 year olds should grab brass knuckles or police batons! I’m saying teach a kid to take a stand and defend themselves when all else fails. If not, assholes will be the people running all the world. Where will we all go then? Thank you and I apologize for any offense I may have caused with my comment. Have a great day!