When a woman goes into crisis mode,
especially a woman who is also a mother,
when she has a nervous breakdown,
a meltdown,
whatever,
her friends and family lend their support.
Complete and total strangers even pitch in.
People from all over swoop in to save the day.
They call, email, text, and message on Facebook.
They send money, deliver food, fold the laundry, drive the kids wherever they need to go.
They do what they can to take the load off.
They ask that woman, over and over again,
How are you doing? Do you need anything? Is there anything I can do to help?
They make sure she has a really big net under her, with a really big pillow under that.
But there is someone who gets left behind.
Often that woman has slid at least halfway down the rabbit hole before she lets anyone else know.
Even more often, she’s all the way down at the bottom.
Sometimes her friends are shocked to hear of her current state of mind.
Because, like so many moms, that woman wants everything on the outside to appear as though her life is just fine.
Perfect even.
But there is one person who knows differently.
There is one person who has been behind the scenes.
In the trenches.
There is one person who has witnessed this woman do things,
and heard her say things,
that her friends and family might not believe were even possible.
And that person is her husband.
While the cavalry is swooping in to help this woman get back on her feet,
yes,
a bit of the burden is temporarily lifted.
But he has been strongly,
and silently,
holding the family together.
Picking up the pieces.
He has been keeping the wife’s secret.
He has been holding all of this inside.
Because that’s what a “good” man does.
And I bet he is tired.
I bet he’s a little scarred.
Or a lot scarred.
Scarred from the things he’s seen his wife do.
From the awful things his wife has said to him while she was down at the bottom of that black hole.
We like to give our husbands a hard time.
Make sure our friends know that when we sent him to the store to buy lettuce,
He bought iceburg and I told him to get romaine! He didn’t even know the difference! What an idiot!
We love any commercial depicting the husband as a total buffoon.
We laugh at the shows like Everybody Loves Raymond and King of Queens, and we roll our eyes right along with Patricia Heaton and Lisa Remini at every stupid and clueless thing their husbands do.
Maybe your husband doesn’t buy the “correct” brand of Pull Ups.
But while you are curled up on the bed in the fetal position for the eleventh consecutive hour, he puts them on your kids.
While you are unable to function, he is brushing your daughter’s hair.
He is fashioning a pretty decent ponytail.
He is making your kids some breakfast.
Baking oatmeal cookies for them.
With them.
Reading them a story before bedtime.
Keeping them safe.
Letting them know that everything is going to be okay.
They are going to be okay.
Their mom is going to be okay.
He silently remains the glue, while all the attention goes to his wife.
He doesn’t complain.
He doesn’t say,
Hey! What about me? Do you have any idea what I’ve been through?
Yes, I’m sure he’s relieved to see the cavalry.
To carry a little, or a lot, less weight on his shoulders.
To have some help.
And I know he wouldn’t ask for it — he certainly doesn’t expect it.
But he could probably use something else.
He could use a boost himself.
Something as simple as,
I know your wife is going through a rough time. But what about you? How are you?
Because he’s not that idiot we laugh at on the television.
He’s a pillar.
An unsung hero.
He doesn’t deserve to be teased.
Or laughed at.
What he really deserves is an award.
If not that, a hand on his back.
An open ear.
And most of all, a tremendous amount of respect.
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Brenda says
🙂
Jessica Jackson says
Beautifully said 🙂
Vicky says
I love this
Kay says
Well said and so very true!!
M Roberts says
Ouch. That hits a little too close to home. Thanks for the reminder. An unsung hero lives at my house too. I need to really focus on being a little kinder and loving a lot more.
I’m glad you blew the dust off your saddle!
Erica says
LOVE this!!!!
Lynn says
So beautifully said! Brought tears to my eyes!
Jessi says
Oh, I so often think this of my own husband. I feel as if I don’t deserve him, but I’m so glad he’s there. Good men are pretty wonderful! What a great post!
Amy Jones says
I love this post! This one really touched my heart. I’m a firm believer that every husband really deserves more that just a pat on the back.