It’s my husband’s birthday today.
Tonight my parents will come over and we’ll have a little “party.”
We’ll eat dinner, have some cake, and the kids will give him some homemade cards like they do every year.
Then, tomorrow night my parents will come babysit, and give us some money so we can go out to dinner, like they do every year.
I don’t have a gift for him.
He doesn’t really expect one.
He’s very difficult to buy gifts for.
Plus, in our current financial situation, we’re not really in a position to spend money on that stuff anyway.
So I’ve been thinking. And thinking. And thinking.
What is something that costs nothing that he would like?
Not just like, but love?
What one thing could I give him that would show him that he is someone to be celebrated, and loved, and appreciated?
Because I don’t make him feel that way often enough.
And then, I thought of that thing.
I have some fucked up sleep habits.
They started way back in my single days.
I had a tv in my bedroom and I would often watch it until I fell asleep.
And then in my early 30’s when I slipped into a severe depression and developed a really bad case of insomnia, I became dependent on the tv to get to sleep.
My husband doesn’t love the tv in the bedroom.
When we first got married he was pretty insistent on not having one in there at all.
He’s a firm believer that it’s bad for your relationship.
And your sex life.
I managed to sleep without it for a little while.
Then we hit a few rough patches.
So I figured I’d show him.
He didn’t want a tv in the bedroom?
Fine.
I’d sleep on the couch in the living room out where the tv was.
Then he’d be wishing for a tv in the bedroom.
It eventually worked.
He caved.
I put a tv in the bedroom.
But then we had like 4000 kids in a row.
I’d wake up at night to feed one and then not be able to sleep.
I migrated back out to the couch where I could watch tv and not wake him up.
We’d get in a fight, and I’d go out to the couch.
Eventually I didn’t need an excuse.
I just stayed out there on the couch.
And now, 4 years later, I’m still out there.
Not every once in a while.
All the time.
I sleep on the couch every. single. night.
When you are depressed and in therapy, you talk about sleep hygiene.
My sleep hygiene sucked back then, and it still sucks now.
My sleep habits are horrible.
And I know it really bothers my husband.
Every once in a while he’ll say, “Maybe you can come sleep in the be tonight…”
That’s not cool.
Or fair.
Or healthy.
So, tonight, I go back to the bed.
The perfect gift.
Happy Birthday, Honey.
I love you very much, and I think it’s time for me to get this part of my act together.
For me, for you, and for us.
Tonight the kids go to bed early.
I’ll meet you here at 9:30.
And that’s when you’ll get the rest of your present 😉
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Jana S says
I totally relate to this! I moved to the couch when I was pregnant with my 1st (she is 6 now) because it was comfy to sleep there. It was rare that I slept in the bed because of tv, cozy couch, husband snoring etc. My husband’s bday gift was also sleeping in bed each night. Happy to say it has been 3 months and the only time I am not in bed is when my 2 year old gets up in the middle of the night. (Still need to work on a decent bedtime for me though) Best of luck to you!
Krissy @ Mommy Misc says
Aww 🙂 I used to be dependent on the TV to sleep too but something changed and now I can’t sleep WITH the TV. Strange, right? Happy Birthday to your husband!
Ira says
You moved me to tears because this was raw, this came from deep inside you. All gifts should be about this, about doing something that the recipient values and that we need to work hard to be able to deliver it. No wonder you have stuck together through the years and through the difficulties. Happy birthday not.your.average-hubby and kuddos to you!!!!
Ruth M. says
I love that I’m not the only one that either sleeps on the couch or whose husband does. For years my husband with his bad back couldn’t sleep anywhere but the couch. Now that his back is better, it was me last night on the couch! Maybe a king size would help us but I’m now used to the TV at night and it’s a hard habit to break. Love the blog! Thanks for your Daily Dose. I’ve been inspired with the organizing!