This isn’t my first marriage.
About 20 years ago, I was married.
Technically, it was a little over a year.
It’s no secret that I really admire Number 4.
And one of the biggest reasons is that she has this internal self-esteem that I never had as a kid.
In fact, I’m still working on it now.
But I admire Number 4 because I feel confident that, at such a young age, she knows who she is.
She knows what she wants.
She cares about other people, but she puts her needs first.
I never had that as a kid.
Or a young adult.
Or a twenty-four-year-old.
I was always about the chase with guys.
If I could land a guy, pursue him, and snag him,, then I felt good about myself.
But that was just about the only thing that I thought I had going for me.
And once the chase was over, I got bored.
I’d find a new conquest.
I’d line up the new one, start the pursuit, and when I was pretty sure I was about to take him down, I’d dump the latest guy.
I was never alone.
I never felt good enough about myself to just be by myself.
And so, after a fairly long relationship with a pretty conservative guy was starting to lose its newness and passion, and was getting boring, I set my sights on a new guy.
Totally the opposite from my Republican, suit-wearing, side-parted, responsible, boyfriend.
The new one was a smoker.
Of all things smokeable.
He was a Dead Head.
Had long hair.
Dressed like a slob.
And I went straight for him.
I’ll be honest.
It wasn’t much of a pursuit.
I kind of knew early on that he wasn’t the dude for me long-term.
But he was fun.
A little too much fun.
And I got pregnant about 3 months into the relationship.
I was living in Pennsylvania at the time, and I was looking for a full-time teaching position.
And now I was single, and pregnant.
It wasn’t exactly going to help me in a job interview.
I immediately planned on getting an abortion.
But every time I thought about it, I became hysterical.
I believe in a woman’s right to choose, but I just couldn’t do it.
And so, my baby daddy proposed.
I got a teaching position.
The wedding was planned for the middle of August, before the school year started.
you’ll have to come back tomorrow for the rest.
To be continued…
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