I’m not your typical wife.
Or woman, for that matter.
I’m not really a talker.
I hate talking on the phone.
At the end of the day, the last thing I want to do is talk to anyone.
Even my husband.
He finds this a little frustrating.
Because he’s not your typical male.
Or husband.
He does like to talk.
And I think he takes my desire for mindless television and total silence once the kids are in bed a little personally, but I’ve always been that way.
It’s even worse now.
Today is the fifth consecutive day of no school for us.
There is two feet of snow in my yard.
The little guys can’t walk anywhere unless there is a path shoveled.
And we have had at least one sick person in this house for the past 3 weeks.
And then, there is Number 7.
She is a Number 4 in the making.
She never stops.
Ever.
And she never shuts up.
You think I’m kidding.
I’m not.
Yesterday, for ten minutes, I wrote down everything she said.
I had just gotten out of the shower.
And this is how the conversation went.
7: You taking shower?
Why you taking shower?
Me: Because I’m dirty.
7: You’re dirty? Oh.
What’s that?
Me: Lotion.
7: Lotion? Oh.
What’s that?
Me: Deodorant.
7: Deodorant? Oh.
You have to go potty?
Me: No, I don’t have to go potty.
7: You have a towel on your head?
Me: Yes, I have a towel on my head.
7: I like your towel.
Toothbrush?
Do you have to brush your teeth?
I have to pee pee. Pee pee in my pull up.
You’re a towel boy! You’re a towel boy!
Ha! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
Let me color!
Me: No. Go get a pull up.
7: NO. No pull up.
I’m not getting a pull up.
No pull up!
Nudey body. I’m a nudey body!
She sat on the rocking chair.
There’s pee pee on there! I went pee on there!
I want a pull up.
Mickey mouse pull up. Mickey Mouse pull up. Mickey Mouse pull up. Mickey Mouse pull up. MICKEY MOUSE PULL UUUUUUUUUP!
She got a pull up and tried to put it on herself.
Uh. Uhn. Uuuuuuhhhhhnnnnnnn.
STUPID PULL UP.
Me: Do you want some help?
7: No. Do it myself.
I take your towel off yours head!
I went pee on there!
La la la la la la! La la la la laaaa!
I need to go potty. I need to go potty. I need to go potty. I need to go potty.
You have to go pee pee Mommy?
Me: No. You go potty.
We went into the bathroom.
7: I brush my teeth.
In a nannosecond she grabbed a toothbrush with a dried wad of tooth paste on it.
Yucky.
Yucky yucky yucky yucky yucky yucky yucky yucky.
She flicked a toothpaste ball across the room and climbed onto the toilet.
I’m not going potty.
Me: Let’s put your pull up back on.
7: No. No pull up.
I’m a nudey body!
I want crocs.
Where’s my other croc?
She spotted her Goofy.
GOOFY!
GOOFY! GOOFY! GOOFY! GOOFY! GOOFY! GOOFY!
Slipper!
Other one slipper go?
OTHER ONE SLIPPER GO???
Me: Let’s get dressed.
Do you want pajamas or clothes?
7: Clothes!
I picked out some clothes.
No! Not that shirt!
Not that shirt!
Not that shirt!
That one!
Owl shirt!
Me: Oh, I love the owl shirt.
What does an owl say?
7: MEOW!
Sigh.
Me: Here are some pants.
7: Not those pants.
Those are too tight.
Not those.
Not those.
Not those.
Me: How about these?
7: Yes. Those.
My butt hurts.
Me: PUT YOUR PANTS ON.
7: I do it myself.
Sockies?
Me: Yes, let’s get socks.
Here you go.
7: Those aren’t my sockies. Those Number 6’s sockies.
Does Number 6 have sockies?
Me: Yes, Number 6 has socks.
7: Does Number 3 have sockies?
Me: Yes, Number 3 has socks.
7: Does Number 4 have sockies?
Me: Yes, Number 4 has socks.
7: Does Number 5 have sockies?
Me: Yes, Number 5 has socks.
Put the fucking socks on.
7: Whooooo. Whooooo. Whooooo.
Me: Yes, an owl says “who.”
Okay. You’re dressed.
Now go find Daddy.
I think he’s looking for someone to talk to.
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KimbaD20 says
I can’t stop laughing over here.. I’m pretty sure I had that same exact conversation with my own 2 yr old every day for the last few days! Its truly amazing to see what rambles through their little heads, but after the first 10 minutes or so.. it kinda makes you wanna bang your head against the wall..
Deanna says
I feel your pain. People ask me at work all the time how I can sit with no (music) radio on. I just look at them and say “come to my house for 30 minutes….and you will see”