Nothing brings out the black robe and gavel in people like a picture of a sagging, filled-to-capacity diaper.
I first realized that last summer when I wrote this in response to a pretty judgmental comment left by someone who didn’t like this:
Then yesterday I posted this picture on the not your average mom facebook page:
That shit is funny.
(Actually, it was only pee).
But Number 5 was sure getting a kick out of it.
And I thought it was a pretty good illustration of how your expectations and standards change from your first child, to your second, to your third child…
1st child: change the diaper every 10 minutes
2nd child: change the diaper every 2 hours
3rd child: change the diaper when the poop is escaping from the diaper or it reaches your kid’s knees. Whichever comes first.
You also operate under these guidelines:
But the comment I got yesterday wasn’t in regard to how long I had waited to change the diaper.
It was in regard to how long I had waited to start potty training.
Here was the exchange:
Judge Judy: isnt he a little old to still be in diapers?
Me: When should I have started potty training?
Judge Judy: how old is he now?
Me: 2 1/2… I think I’ve got a handle on when he’s ready seeing as he’s #6 🙂
I thought I handled it well.
I didn’t go off on her.
Which was my immediate gut reaction.
So at least I recognize some personal growth in myself if nothing else comes out of this.
Then. She. Said. This:
sorry–but i doubt that–you have to train them–not wait til they are ready
She ignited a fucking firestorm.
I kind of enjoyed watching it.
Someone said this:
HAHAHA! No she didn’t really say that to you!!
I think Susie of all people knows when a kid needs to be potty trained! Experienced is an understatment!
I appreciated the support.
I thought perhaps Judge Judy would recant.
But nope. She wasn’t done. She came back with this:
I have had a lot more experience than she has dear
It was tough to keep my mouth shut after that one.
But I did it.
More personal growth.
The real reason I didn’t say anything though is because I know that I know what I’m doing.
I don’t need someone else to validate that.
And a comment from someone who has never met my kids or spent one second in my house doesn’t hold a lot of water with me.
Or any water, for that matter.
I know that Number 6 is not ready to be potty trained yet.
I started potty training Number 3 around this same age. He got the peeing part right away. But the pooping?
Not so much.
He just flat out refused to poop in the potty.
No matter what I encouraged/threatened/bribed/blackmailed him with, he was not having it.
It became crystal clear that it was not going to happen.
So I backed off on the poop.
And when I stopped forcing it, a month or two later, he did it on his own.
When Number 4 was around 20 months old, I sat her down on the potty.
It was evident from very early on that she was a smart kid.
Smarter than Numbers 1, 2 and 3.
So she had the brain power to get this potty training thing. Plus, she was a girl, and girls are supposed to do everything way before boys do.
So I parked her on the potty. I gave her books. I had a bowl of M&M’s at the ready. I was armed with stickers.
But that kid refused to pee.
She read books for about 20 minutes. We repeated this cycle for 2 days. Until I started getting really pissed at her.
A couple times I kind of yelled at her.
What the hell was her problem? Why wasn’t she peeing? She should know better!
And then it clicked.
She didn’t have the problem.
Why the hell was I yelling at my not-even-2-year-old?
She may have been smart. But she just wasn’t ready.
Maybe my friend’s kid started peeing and pooping in the potty at 18 months.
Good for my friend’s kid. And good for my friend.
But her kid wasn’t better than mine. And she wasn’t a better mom than me.
Trying to force your kid to pee in the potty at a predetermined age is no different than trying to force him to crawl
at a certain age.
If you want to waste your time trying to force the issue,
go for it.
But I don’t have time to waste.
And that right there is the second part of the equation.
Your kid isn’t the only one who has to be ready.
You do too.
Maybe I could have started 3 or 4 months or a year ago.
But you know what?
There are a couple other kids in this house. Some financial worries, too. And a couple other situations that require time. Energy. And patience.
Plus, I chose to lose a few pounds first.
I’d rather be a thinner, fit, healthy mom with a 2 1/2 year old in diapers, than a fat, miserable, bitchy mom with a toddler who takes a crap in the toilet.
So first things first.
That being said,
It’s no secret that I’m happy to accept any and all help that comes my way.
if you feel that strongly about training children…
Come on over! Show me how it’s done!
But just to be on the safe side, you might want to come armed with goggles.
And rubber gloves.
On second thought, screw the gloves and goggles.
You should probably just get yourself a hazmat suit.
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