Nothing brings out the black robe and gavel in people like a picture of a sagging, filled-to-capacity diaper.
I first realized that last summer when I wrote this in response to a pretty judgmental comment left by someone who didn’t like this:
Then yesterday I posted this picture on the not your average mom facebook page:
Come on.
That shit is funny.
(Actually, it was only pee).
But Number 5 was sure getting a kick out of it.
And I thought it was a pretty good illustration of how your expectations and standards change from your first child, to your second, to your third child…
You know,
1st child: change the diaper every 10 minutes
2nd child: change the diaper every 2 hours
3rd child: change the diaper when the poop is escaping from the diaper or it reaches your kid’s knees. Whichever comes first.
You also operate under these guidelines:
But the comment I got yesterday wasn’t in regard to how long I had waited to change the diaper.
It was in regard to how long I had waited to start potty training.
Here was the exchange:
Judge Judy: isnt he a little old to still be in diapers?
Me: When should I have started potty training?
Judge Judy: how old is he now?
Me: 2 1/2… I think I’ve got a handle on when he’s ready seeing as he’s #6 🙂
I thought I handled it well.
I didn’t go off on her.
Which was my immediate gut reaction.
So at least I recognize some personal growth in myself if nothing else comes out of this.
Anyway,
Then. She. Said. This:
sorry–but i doubt that–you have to train them–not wait til they are ready
GASP!
She ignited a fucking firestorm.
I kind of enjoyed watching it.
Someone said this:
HAHAHA! No she didn’t really say that to you!!
And this:
I think Susie of all people knows when a kid needs to be potty trained! Experienced is an understatment!
I appreciated the support.
I thought perhaps Judge Judy would recant.
But nope. She wasn’t done. She came back with this:
I have had a lot more experience than she has dear
Oooooh.
Dear.
It was tough to keep my mouth shut after that one.
But I did it.
More personal growth.
The real reason I didn’t say anything though is because I know that I know what I’m doing.
I don’t need someone else to validate that.
And a comment from someone who has never met my kids or spent one second in my house doesn’t hold a lot of water with me.
Or any water, for that matter.
I know that Number 6 is not ready to be potty trained yet.
I started potty training Number 3 around this same age. He got the peeing part right away. But the pooping?
Not so much.
He just flat out refused to poop in the potty.
No matter what I encouraged/threatened/bribed/blackmailed him with, he was not having it.
It became crystal clear that it was not going to happen.
So I backed off on the poop.
And when I stopped forcing it, a month or two later, he did it on his own.
When Number 4 was around 20 months old, I sat her down on the potty.
It was evident from very early on that she was a smart kid.
Smarter than Numbers 1, 2 and 3.
Possibly combined.
So she had the brain power to get this potty training thing. Plus, she was a girl, and girls are supposed to do everything way before boys do.
Right?
So I parked her on the potty. I gave her books. I had a bowl of M&M’s at the ready. I was armed with stickers.
But that kid refused to pee.
She read books for about 20 minutes. We repeated this cycle for 2 days. Until I started getting really pissed at her.
A couple times I kind of yelled at her.
What the hell was her problem? Why wasn’t she peeing? She should know better!
And then it clicked.
She didn’t have the problem.
I did.
Why the hell was I yelling at my not-even-2-year-old?
She may have been smart. But she just wasn’t ready.
Maybe my friend’s kid started peeing and pooping in the potty at 18 months.
Good for my friend’s kid. And good for my friend.
But her kid wasn’t better than mine. And she wasn’t a better mom than me.
Just different.
Trying to force your kid to pee in the potty at a predetermined age is no different than trying to force him to crawl
or walk
or talk
at a certain age.
If you want to waste your time trying to force the issue,
go for it.
But I don’t have time to waste.
And that right there is the second part of the equation.
Your kid isn’t the only one who has to be ready.
You do too.
Maybe I could have started 3 or 4 months or a year ago.
But you know what?
There are a couple other kids in this house. Some financial worries, too. And a couple other situations that require time. Energy. And patience.
Plus, I chose to lose a few pounds first.
I’d rather be a thinner, fit, healthy mom with a 2 1/2 year old in diapers, than a fat, miserable, bitchy mom with a toddler who takes a crap in the toilet.
So first things first.
That being said,
It’s no secret that I’m happy to accept any and all help that comes my way.
Soooo,
Judge Judy,
if you feel that strongly about training children…
Come on over! Show me how it’s done!
But just to be on the safe side, you might want to come armed with goggles.
And rubber gloves.
On second thought, screw the gloves and goggles.
You should probably just get yourself a hazmat suit.
PLEASE TAKE ONE SECOND TO VOTE FOR ME!!!
Thank you for saying the exact thing I was feeling. My kids are a bit older now but by the time number 4 was here and he was my first but my 3rd to potty train I had stopped caring. He wasn’t potty trained until a week before his 3rd birthday and it was the easiest most stress free potty training I have ever attempted. How you managed to contain your self from going off on Judge Judy I do not know but BRAVO!
I found her comments interesting since I have been told by my pediatrician to wait until the child is ready. Our oldest was over three by the time she was ready. The little one is 2 and isn’t ready yet. Go with your gut.
I was more astounded that she felt the right to comment and make judgements about your parenting. Don’t we teach our children to mind their own business or perhaps to say something nice or say nothing at all.
I was impressed with your restraint. Good for you!
I completely agree. You can bring a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink.
Hi, I’m Emily and I stumbled upon you’re blog last December, I saw the entry with the picture of your nativity set and busted out laughing at work. I went back through and read every single blog entry like it was an incredibly good book. I’ve been addicted ever since. Some people wake up, drink their coffee and read the newspaper. Well, I read your blog. Anyway, I read the drama that went down on your Facebook last night and was a bit disappointed you had nothing to say. I should have known you’d have a blog entry to write about it today. Well done and thank you for providing my nothing entertainment 🙂
I’m with you all the way. When my older son was about 16 months, all the other mommies had such a worried look in their eyes as they discussed potty training. They were all asking how everyone else planned to train their children. I hadn’t even given it thought. First off, there was absolutely no sign in my child that this was even around the corner. Second, I had absolutely NO desire to jump on that grenade! My goodness, all these moms rush their children to “walk”. I did everything I could to ensure he wouldn’t. Why would I want to chase him around? I already can’t keep up! Besides, they all walk eventually, they all shit and piss in a pot eventually. Are we as a society, that at a loss for quality things to do in our day, that we feel the need to stress over made up ideas of when our children should do what? I certainly don’t want my gravestone to read, “Here lies Sofia, she got her children to walk at 6 months and got them to potty trained by 2 years.” You know, sometimes you really need to keep things in perspective, ya know? Not only would I not want my gravestone to read the above but I wouldn’t want to be THAT mom who makes a real ass of herself by chiming in with “isn’t he too old to be in diapers”?
I was planning on tying my two to the toilet when they turned 2….daycare gets cheaper at 2 1/2 if they’re potty trained ;>
Honestly, I think that my daughter (20 months) will probably train any time now because she seems interested and hates being in a dirty diaper (princess and the pee syndrome)…they boy may be 3 or more, he’s not ready, not even close, he’s literally happier than a pig in…well….you get the picture.
First boy 20 months, whoo f’n whoo. 2nd boy 3+ Still not havin it. Oh well who cares they are children who are all different. I love your post.
Oh my. I may not have been able to hold my tongue. I hate when people judge like that. Every child is different and forcing a child to do something they aren’t ready for is just wrong.
Well, well, well. I bet Judge Judy’s life is perfect. I’m sure everything is in order. There are no variables to the order of events in her day. Good luck with that. The universe has a funny way of throwing all of us off course. I can say from experience that life with children goes by way too fast and there’s no need to hurry them through…children own the magic of nature/nurture/nudge. The one thing I’m sure of is “change happens.”
Ok so, Judge Judy is definitely going to call me neglectful, and you know what, for the first time EVER,. I don’t care what people think of me anymore. I am so sick of being called “a bad parent” not in those words but bet your butt I get their hints. Get this. I have 4 children, AND the first three potty trained at 4 years old! Yes 4!. Why, because I was an emotional mess when I had the first three as toddlers. I had lost both my adoptive parents, had no help and was extremely depressed. I tried but I yelled and it wasn’t right, as you had said Susie it’s better when you feel good about yourself instead of being a b*tchy mom trying to get your kids to make YOU look good. My youngest just turned 4 a month ago, and you know what. I’m waiting till he tells me he wants to use the toilet just like the others did. And if that makes me a bad parent to anyone, then oh wells. I don’t care anymore. 😀 Love you Susie!! You make me stand up for things now when I never would have before 🙂
Unfortunately parents feel as though earlier is better for everything- earlier sitting up and walking means your child is more coordinated and will be a better athlete. While earlier talking and reading means your child is smarter and will do better in school. Research has repeatedly shown all of this to be false- earlier just means earlier, that’s it. Maybe I struggled a few kids ago with wanting my children to excel in everything or at least be “normal,” but as I settle into my role as mother of four I feel so much more comfortable letting each of my children be the way they are- flaws and all. Sure I nurture, encourage, guide, and all those positive words but I also lose my shit with them for all sorts of reasons- warranted or not. And nothing is worse than a parent who claims to the outside world to have it all together because we all know the truth. It is just not possible to be a perfect parent nor is it possible to have a perfect child. To the point of toilet training, I much prefer a soggy, stinky diaper than having to haul all my children into a hot, smelly, obviously disease-infested public restroom so my toddler can become intimately acquainted with the toilet seat. Stay the course and thanks for the laughs.
I’m a mom of four with a one year old in diapers; and truthfully, I don’t race to change diapers any more. LOL And I’m not sprinting to get her potty trained either. Love your blog! Hope you’ll check mine out and follow!
http://notyourordinarypsychicmom.com
http://facebook.com/melissaproductions.com
xoxo
Melissa
My daughter turned 3 in January and still won’t go poop in the potty. Some kids just aren’t ready. Thank you for this post and screw stupid bitches like that!!
People are just douchebags sometimes. My #1 was (I want to say since I cant remember exactly) 3.5. I had 2 diapers left and I said to him “listen, I dont want to buy any more diapers. If you start going on the potty, I will take you to Toys R Us and buy you anything you want”…..his reply? “really?” I said “really”…..$9.99 later he was potty trained.
My #2 is 2.5. I asked her if she wanted to use the potty and she told me “I can’t” (except not in the “I cant because I dont know how” way….its more like the “I have better shit to do…sorry!” kind of way. I’m not going to press the issue. She’ll use it when she gets ready.
Trying to start them before they are ready only increases frustration. On both the kid and the parent….(and I think that by the lady calling another person “dear” is indicative of her age. I would put money on it that she’s elderly….and her youngest is in his/her mid 40’s. Back then, all kids were potty trained by the time they turned 18 months…..not because they were ready but because washing cloth diapers sucks donkey balls.
ding ding ding…..I just went and looked at Judgy McJudgersons FB page…..I win a cupcake. She’s elderly……(either that or she was rode hard and put away wet)
My youngest will be four in December and she still wears pull ups at night. Who the frick cares? She’ll be ready when she is ready! Pushing the issue just creates a whole new set of problems. I love your blog. I love your sense of humor. There are days when I feel as though I could pull my hair out and then I read your latest post, end up smiling from ear to ear, and realize that I am not alone. Thank you!
I have a 5 month old so thanks for the sneak peek. Also, I like the way in which you called Judge Judy a fat bitch. Good writing is the best revenge.
Hey Erin,
Did you actually read this post?
Or are you trying to see if I read the comments?
I’m completely confused by the “fat bitch” comment…
why do people care about you potty training your kids.. isn’t it your job to worry about your children! People judge too much.. they need to learn to take a break and give others a break too!
My daughter trained early and it’s fun to brag about, but the only way my parenting came into it was to notice she was ready and encourage her. Not like I could make her, not on my life. I’ve seen plenty of kids to know that my daughter was the exception, definitely not the rule!
I hate when other parents tell you what’s right for your own child. My oldest was 4 when he was completely potty trained and I started trying when he turned 2. I was threatening him with even being able to go to school lol. My middle just turned 3 and she is almost trained but still has a problem pooping on the potty. I’d say it sounds like you have plenty of experience and people need to mind their own business. Good job on keeping your cool!
That’s cute they look adorable 🙂
http://www.vindiebaby.com
Vintage Inspired Girls
My little guy is 2 and 3/4 and is so hard to potty train my other two little girls were so easy but in general the boy seems to be finding it really hard I guess he’s just too lazy I have to get him trained by September as no play school wil take a kid still in nappies so the stress is on this summer !
My mom was my Judge Judy when it came to potty training “you were potty trained in 2 weeks, when you were not even 2 years old, your son is 2 and a half and you haven’t even started yet”… So I went on vacation with my parents for 2 months and put her in charge of potty training.
After 2 months of complete failure she finally admitted that he wasn’t ready and that she failed (isn’t it a little bit sad that i enjoyed that part so much?). It took him a few more months of encouraging (and not full on “potty training boot camp”) and now we are sorted day and night!
My mom tried the same thing with my elder daughter, she insisted on trying to potty train her at 2 years old when we left her with her grandma while we went away on holiday. It didn’t work, my mom was embarrassed because apparently she’d potty trained both her children at 18 months. In any case, I decided my children could tell me on their own when they were ready, I had a potty and underwear ready for when they told me they were done with diapers. With both my daughters it happened a week before each of them turned 4, and neither had any trouble transitioning straight to a toilet from diapers. Totally stress free for me!
And how many times is the rush to toilet train to get them into daycare/preschool earlier? Whose rush is this anyway?
I cared a little the first time around but didn’t go crazy (girl). The second time (boy), I was surprised that he was 3 and still not interested. But he figured it out around 3 1/2. The third (girl) was offered the opportunity to wear “big girl panties” if she’d like to learn to use the toilet. She wasn’t interested until one very busy day when she was around 2 1/2 and announced she’d like to wear the panties. I actually tried to talk her out of it because we were going to be in and out on errands that day. But this one always knew what she wanted. We put those panties on and she was dry all day and using a toilet. And number 4? (Girl). Somewhere between 2 1/2 and 3. It was such a non priority I don’t really remember.
There are plenty of things to stress out about. Why invent more?
When I was one I couldn’t stop doing that ever
some children wears diapers at any ages