You know my kids have a thing for feminine hygiene products.
They’re pretty creative with them.
They use them for wine glass cozies
and sportswear,
and blindfolds,
and diapers.
Every once in a while they will ask what they are actually for.
This is a tricky one for me.
Not because I’m uncomfortable discussing these things or using the anatomically correct terms for body parts.
It’s more that once Number 4 learns about something, she cannot stop herself from sharing her newly acquired knowledge with, well, everybody.
And she talks at one of two volume settings: loud and super fucking loud.
So if I explained to her or any of the kids how a woman sheds the lining of her uterus each month and when that happens she bleeds like a motherfucker out of her bonus third hole,
well, I’m not sure the administration would be okay with her giving the rest of the third grade class a sex education lesson.
Then, when my friend sent me this message on Facebook:
I didn’t really have a great answer.
I don’t want to lie to the kids.
But, as Jack would say, they can’t handle the truth.
So I just tell them they are special band aids for moms.
Technically, it’s not a lie.
And it’s seemed to satisfy their curiosity.
We’re going to keep it at that for now.
And hopefully nobody asks again until Number 4 is in high school.
Ha I say the exact same thing! I knew I wasn’t crazy.
Omg! I just died laughing! Your kiddos sound like mine! I am gonna have to agree with you about them telling everything. My daughter told my great aunt not too long ago that “she smelled something bad, and thinks it was her stinky tooty!” Talk about embarrassed! Love your blog! Check out mine… Notsomuchcheaperbythedozen.blogspot.con
I just had this ‘talk’ with my three year old this weekend. She wanted to know what the Tampon was for. I told her it was so Mama’s didn’t have any more babies. Not exactly true, not exactly false. It was the best I could come up with under pressure.
Thank God I remember to luck the bathroom door during that time of the month. I always fear I will forget and they would freak the fuck out. I already have my “I got a really bad cut on my butt” excuse ready. Good thing is they would believe it. Bad thing is they would go around saying “my mom cut her butt.” My 7 year saw the “sanitary napkin” dispenser in the family restroom, with a bewildered look he said “What the heck? You have to pay to get a napkin?” Five year old chimes in “Mom, what in the world?” My reply “So weird!? Right? Who would pay for a napkin when you can dry your hands under the dryer for free?” Yeah, I am just not going there with my boys. Isn’t that an advantage of having boys, no period talk?
Just this week my 3 year old son asked me what a maxi pad was. I casually responded “It’s a bandaid for mom.” Unfortunately that meant I had to spend the next hour fighting with him. “You do not need a mommy bandaid on your face!”