I started this blog in part to let moms know that none of us are perfect.
And it’s okay to admit that.
To say out loud that sometimes we mess up or just don’t have the energy to make a balanced meal of give a bath or brush teeth.
That you are definitely not the only one who sometimes resorts to letting your kids watch three hours of television because it’s either that or go fucking insane.
But it’s not a fuck-all-you-perfect-moms-I’m-fine-with-being-totally-mediocre-and-I-swear-just-to-get-a-rise-our-of-people-and-drink-gallons-of-wine blog.
Yes, I swear. But because I need to. And sure, I drink wine too.
Because sometimes I need to do that also.
But I really do want to be the best mom that I can be.
It’s just that I do not confuse my best with perfection.
Since I do want to be the best mom I can be, I try to do the right thing. I really do.
I try to “catch my kids being good.”
I try to give my kids praise when it’s deserved.
I try to be consistent.
I try to do whatever I can to build up my kids’ self esteem and self confidence.
I try to reprimand in private.
I try to encourage.
Not in over three months.
So I feel pretty good about being relatively new school.
But you know what?
Sometimes, this kumbaya, this warm and fuzzy, this positive only approach isn’t enough.
Before you start slamming me, I said sometimes.
Occasionally.
Very occasionally.
I don’t really care what the parenting books say.
What the experts say.
Today, one of the kids was being,
well,
an asshole.
An on purpose, just to be a dick, just to antagonize a sibling, full-on jerk.
And I told this particular kid just that.
Maybe not in so many words.
I didn’t swear.
I didn’t name call.
I didn’t yell.
But I did not go easy on this kid.
I told this child that the behavior was not acceptable. I’m fairly certain I made this kid feel remorseful.
And not fake remorse. Real remorse.
To which I added,
“I really hope you feel bad. Because you should.”
I had a talk about family.
A short one.
About how you treat the people who will be around for you long after 99% of your elementary school friends are a distant memory.
And I did it in front of the other kids.
No, I don’t want to beat down and humiliate my children.
I know the experts say that’s a no-no.
I know they tell us to take the positive approach.
Most of the time, I agree that’s the best route.
But every once in a while you might need to take a detour.
Sometimes, you need to deliver a little dose of reality.
Even to your kids.
Especially to your kids.
And in my expert opinion, today was one of those times.
So who knows.
Perhaps telling my child that I hope he/she feels really bad will scar him/her for life.
But not saying it might entitle him/her for life.
So when faced with a question of which road to take, I’m not going for perfection.
I’m going with my best judgement. My gut.
Sometimes it may say kumbaya.
But other times, it may say old school.
And today was an old school kind of day.
Deanna says
Life as a grown up is not all kumbaya. If you grow up thinking everything is always like that you are in for a rude awakening. If you act like a jerk as a grown up, you get smacked down by someone. It’s best to teach your kids BEFORE a rude awakening as a grown up that if they act like jerks they will get called on it. It’s also best (IMO) to do it IN FRONT of the other kids and NOT in private. Why? because kids absorb stuff. They will see that:
A: You don’t/won’t tolerate it
B: It’s not cool
C: If you act like a jerk you will get called out publicly.
so…kudos to you. Parenting FTW.
Melissa says
I couldn’t have said it better myself! If you don’t teach kids to be nice to other kids, who will?
Miranda says
Yes. Exactly this!