I know I’ve been talking about money a lot lately.
I’ve been doing that for a couple reasons.
It helps me relieve the stress of not having it a little.
Okay. Not a little.
A lot.
Financial burdens weigh heavy on your shoulders.
Very heavy.
And it’s embarrassing. Although I don’t really know why I think it’s embarrassing.
I guess I feel like people are judging me.
You know,
Well, why did you have 7 kids? Didn’t you think about that? How irresponsible of you…
Or,
You aren’t working hard enough. Why don’t you just get another job?
I got over that a while ago. People judging me. Our financial problems don’t really have that much to do with the number of children we have anyway. And I don’t know many people who work harder than my husband and me. Walk a mile in my shoes before you judge. You’d be surprised.
Someday soon I’ll write about how we came to be in this situation.
But not yet.
Anyway, putting it out there has taken some of the load off.
No secrets to carry around makes a big difference.
That’s another reason why I write about it.
Because I know other people are going through the same thing.
And things can start to feel really, really hopeless. If you are there, I totally get it.
In the past few weeks, the situation has been worse than ever.
We are having tag sales to put food on the table.
I have to fill out financial aid applications so my kids can (hopefully continue to) swim on the swim team.
I am returning cans and bottles to the store so that I can go in and buy a pack of diapers.
I still haven’t bought all the supplies the kids need for school, and I just had to email Number 3’s teacher and tell her that we have no money.
My pride went out the window a long, long time ago.
But you know what?
I think this has been good for us.
Yes.
Good.
This situation has forced me to reexamine what is really important in life.
Sure, a new pair of shoes would be nice.
It would be nice to buy a pair of jeans that fit me.
I’d love a babysitter.
Or a housecleaner.
I could really use a vacation.
I want to be able to sign Number 5 up for dance class.
Or have the luxury of buying something at the grocery store that isn’t on sale.
To be current on all my bills. That would be nice.
Looking out the window to see if that truck in the driveway is the guy from CL&P, and he’s about to come shut off my power?
Yeah.
That’s no fun.
And I could focus on all that.
But you know what?
I have a lot of friends. A lot of people who are there to support me.
One of those people emailed me. She sent me money through PayPal, along with this message:
Sign me up for the next 10 Fit, Fierce, and Fabulous Sessions!
Ha. I haven’t ever met that person, although I consider her to be a pretty good friend.
She has done a lot for me.
A.
LOT.
Another sent me this message:
Your blog…it helps me face emotions, process feelings, look hard at choices; and believe me when I say that I’m an emotional “runner,” that I’m a record holder. So while your blog never fails to entertain, and frequently illicit laughter and/or tears, it cuts to the emotional chase and nudges me each day to do the same. Thank you. I’d like to send you a check- don’t say no. It’s not charity, it’s gratitude. No strings attached.
Whoa.
You know what? I accepted.
Without a second thought. I’ve never met her either.
There are some good people out there.
So the money problems have given me that reminder.
But they have also taught me to be resourceful. Number 4 had the best birthday ever the other day.
If I had a big, fat, bank account, that wouldn’t have happened.
I would have dropped a hundred bucks (or more) on some piece of shit present for her.
I would have missed out on an amazing experience with my daughter.
So, I am grateful for this lack of money right now.
Because it gave me that day with Number 4. A day neither one of us will forget.
I don’t buy birthday cards anymore.
Those things are so expensive.
And the ones I receive from other people?
I hardly ever read them. I mean really read them.
On Wednesday, my parents gave me a card for my birthday.
I actually read it. I read this part:
And then I read it again.
And again.
Maybe I don’t have all the things I want.
But I do have all the things I need.
My kids are healthy, and so am I.
I have a husband who loves me very much.
My parents are amazing.
I have people I’ve never even met sending me words of support and encouragement.
Want what you have…
You know,
I may not have money,
but I do have what I want.
Health.
Love.
Support.
All those other things?
Eh.
That’s just stuff.
I used to have a kick ass wardrobe.
Tons of shoes.
I could buy shit at full price.
I went to Puerto Rico every spring.
Oh yeah, and I was smoking massive amounts of weed, and I ended up in the nuthouse for a while.
Yeah.
I had a lot of stuff, but none of it was making me healthy or happy.
Hmmm.
A change in perspective.
It may be the most valuable thing you can get for yourself.
And you know what?
It doesn’t cost a penny.
VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE!!!
I thank you for being so honest. Most people are too afraid to talk about money problems, me included. The year we had our baby was extremely rough, and we’ve been trying to dig ourselves out of the hole since. But I do agree, having less has really helped us focus on what we do have, what we are really grateful for. I cook more, exercise at home, and we spend time together. I don’t need to go out to the bars or spend money like I used to. And our needs always seem to get met.
I hope things are getting brighter for you, that things are going in a more positive direction. You do so much for others, and now they are doing stuff for you. You deserve it 🙂
I like the card… I am printing out the saying and putting it on my desk at work. Every weekend my oldest daughter asks what are we doing for fun this weekend. We used to go shopping, eat McDonalds, etc. Now…we go to the park, ride bikes, eat our packed picnic lunch. Sometimes I splurge and take them to the Costco food court for lunch. I’ve realized she just wants to spend time together and that is what matters most.
You are a great mom, Susie!
This is the first time I came across your blog. I love it! I love your perspective. Looking forward to reading more 🙂
If you and I sat down, we could bitch about money for hours. I am so overwhelmed by money woes that I can’t stop talking about them! We have a small construction business and we are barely hanging on (thanks to our credit card). I keep telling myself that any day our debt will somehow disappear. Gotta believe right?
I hear you. We lost our credit cards a long time ago. We ran through all our reserves months ago. It’s hard, but it’s taught me a lot. It will get better. Just gotta focus on the positive until that happens 😀
Yes, and visualize a big check in the mail. It will be here any day now. Cloth diapering has helped as well as breast feeding. I have two little boys who love to eat! My grocery bills are outrageous.
I hear you on the money woes. Things aren’t desperate, but they are tight and starting to pinch. Hang in there.
Here’s an opposite perspective on things. We don’t have money woes, really dont have to worry about what we buy etc. And the pic of #4’s bday made me cry. I’ve never cried @ my own childrens bday parties. You and your kids are learning a lot more than I can teach my kids. And by the way, I have no one to blame but myself…
I really enjoy reading your blog and I love your honesty. It’s not easy to admit that things aren’t perfect. I just wanted to let you know that I think that you are doing an amazing job with your kids. When I was little we had absolutely no money. We got by with food from our church food pantry, hand me downs from friends, and the generosity of others. But you know what? We could not have been happier. Days without electricity became family game nights. Summer vacations consisted of trips to free parks, museums, and other events. There was always a shortage of money but there was always plenty of love to go around. That’s the thing that matters most. That special day that you had with number 4? She will never ever forget it. I know because I was her and those special times that I had with my mom are still fresh in my memory. As I got older I began to understand the sacrifices she made and I loved her even more. When things got tough my mom always used to smile and say “God will provide”. And He always did. Keep your head up and remember that you are giving your kids the gift of your time and love. An that’s worth more than anything that money can buy.
You are fierce. So admirable. Always bringing me to tears.
You’re awsome! Don’t ever forget it. There is a stupid, vain, judgemental, Canadian girl who wants to be more like you!
Just don’t ask me to run. I hate running…like really hate it.