I was the first person in my family to graduate from college.
And once I did that, I went right on to grad school and got my masters degree in elementary ed.
I have spent lots of time talking to the kids about college.
Discussing how grades are important if you even want to have a slight chance to receive a grant or a scholarship.
Talking about being well-rounded and proactive and blah blah blah.
The other day I was talking to a couple people I coach with.
One of the coaches has two kids who are two and four years old, and he went to see a financial advisor recently.
That was where he received the news that by the time he gets to college, his four-year-old’s education at a state school will cost around $220,000.
At a state school.
That’s a bargain though compared to the 2-year-old.
The two-year-old’s state school education will cost closer to $280,000.
Two hundred and eighty thousand fucking dollars.
That means an education at a school like the one I went to will probably run close to $500,000.
Yikes.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately.
There is no way I will have 500 or 280 or 220 thousand dollars for Number 7 when she is ready to go to college.
And I’m not sure I can encourage her to put herself a quarter to a half a million dollars in debt for a college education.
If she definitely knows what she wants to do and a college education is required?
If she is certain she wants to be a teacher or a doctor or a lawyer or an architect or whatever…
Sure. Then I’ll suggest she start saving some money.
If she gets a full scholarship somewhere?
Well then of course.
She’ll go to college. If she wants to.
But if she has no idea what the heck she wants to do?
Well, I’m not sure she needs to blow 500k hoping to figure it out.
And I don’t want to blow 500K on that, either.
I know our current financial situation has something to do with my thinking.
But it’s not just that.
Now I’m sure all you people who are gasping in horror at the mere suggestion that maybe college isn’t necessary will fire off a whole bunch of pro college statistics.
Say what you want.
There are no guarantees.
And if we are going to be totally honest, college is really just a technicality for most of us.
Nothing that you learn in college is really all that useful once you are out in the real world.
What’s useful when you are in the real world is experience of having been in the real world.
Like back in the old days.
When people had apprentices.
That’s how you learned how to do stuff.
On the job.
I didn’t learn to be a good teacher in grad school.
I learned to be a good teacher in the classroom.
I didn’t learn to be a good coach in college.
I learned to be a good coach by working alongside other good coaches. Starting off as an assistant and working my way up.
I sure as hell didn’t learn anything about being a mother from reading What to Expect When You Are Expecting.
I learned about being a mother by, um, being a mother.
Hmmm.
I’ve spent all this time talking to my kids about how important college is. How they need to be preparing for college. How they need to work in order to pay for college.
But all for what?
So (hopefully only) four years later they can graduate with no guarantee of a job, no place to live, no real life experience, and hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt?
Yikes.
What if I did this instead…
What if, up until they graduated, I really taught my kids about money?
What if I taught them that unless they could afford something, they shouldn’t buy it?
What if I taught them to value experiences, and not things?
What if, by some miracle my kids and I were able to come up with $250,000 for each of them once they graduated from high school?
And what if we took $150,000 of that and bought them a house. Or a condo?
In cash.
They would never have to worry about paying rent or putting a roof over their heads.
And then, what if they took $25,000 and traveled? Or used that to live on while trying a few different lines of work or pursuing a passion?
And figuring out what it really is that they love to do? And what they are good at?
Because that’s what I want for them.
The opportunity to build a life around the things they are passionate about.
Not the things that we as a society have determined they should be doing.
I’m not necessarily anti-college.
But I’m also not of the mindset that it’s the be all and end all.
I could encourage my kids to save $500,000 in order to get drunk and have sex and dance in a bar to Sweet Caroline every Saturday night, and then receive a piece of paper that could prove to be worthwhile but which could also prove to be almost useless, or I could encourage them to make a choice that might be more intelligent.
What if they saw the world?
What if they volunteered and developed compassion and understanding and a work ethic?
All while owning their own home, having a balance in their bank account, and no debt anywhere to be seen?
I know that’s probably not going to be possible or realistic.
But the more I think about it, the more I start to wonder if creating an education for my kids makes a lot more sense and will provide them with more opportunities and happiness than buying an education for them will.
I agree that not every child will want to go to college or desires a profession that requires it. However, there are so any jobs that require a degree to even be considered for the position. It doesn’t matter what the major was–it is just some sort of signal to employers.
There are many options for how to manage expenses that come with college. It is just sad that many of them include saddling a young adult with years of debt.
My son just graduated from high school and has no idea what he wants to do, so he is taking classes at a community college while living at home. Couldn’t see him racking up all that debt when he didn’t know what he wanted to do and he sure doesn’t need to party his time away. Instead it’s classes and work!
I think that is the smart thing to do; my niece is doing the same. Wise move!
As someone who decided to move abroad after college I have to say that there are a ridiculous amount of jobs and things one can do without a college degree. Also a community college degree is just as good as any other (at least in South America) for getting a job.
I think you are on to something Susie and I think a lot more parents and students are and will be opting for a different route. Hard work and perseverance will get you far as you have shown with this blog.
I have felt the same way that you do. I have six children and they have taken many routes – the extremes being from attending an Ivy League university to dropping out of high school-travelling abroad-then deciding on a GED and community college. The approach that I have taken is that one-size-does-not-fit-all. College has been perfect for my more academically oriented kids and I never want to give the impression that I discourage them. I don’t want to prove any points through my children. It is true that college in expensive but if you are a strong and/or talented student, it can be made affordable. If your family has no money to pay, need-based grants are available.
I work in the financial planning field. Scaring people about the cost of college is a standard financial planner strategy. It’s bullshit. Don’t let anyone use fear to motivate you!
Great post!! Thanks for this comment, “I work in the financial planning field. Scaring people about the cost of college is a standard financial planner strategy. It’s bullshit. Don’t let anyone use fear to motivate you!”. I needed to hear that after reading the full post! The thought of paying for college already scares me enough!
We were quoted those same costs for college expenses when our kids were ready…but that was 25 years ago. hmmmm
I agree about the scare tactic. When I was a little girl, I remember the financial planner telling my dad that college was going to cost 20k a year by the time I was 18. These investments were supposed to cover the cost of college. Surprise, surprise, they didn’t cover the cost.
I agree that college is not for everyone, but many occupations need a college degree. Depending on what you want to do there are many options. For example nursing…you can go to a private school for $50K a year or go to a community college or state school for a fraction of the cost. What you need is the RN license. You pass the license, you can get a job as an RN.
As for apprenticeship programs…companies don’t offer them as they have in the past. The military also offers training. I work with many people who were in the Navy and are doing very well professionally.
My son graduated high school early this past January, since he was 5 he wanted to be a Marine. He just graduated Boot Camp and fulfilled that dream! Best part, he can now go to college for free, and has 15 years from when he gets out to use it, that means if he discovers something he wants to do when he is 30, he can still do it. Free.
I think this is a very blase look at the value of a college education. First of all, most colleges offer tuition assistance program as well as grants. Tuition simply can not continue to rise the way it currently is projected. Something will crack. And there are lots of ways to ladder up to a four year degree – community college + part time college + working while you get your degree? It isn’t just about singing drunk in a bar, living in a dorm, and making half-responsible choices. I know that most of the “life” skills i have learned in my life didn’t come from sitting in a classroom, but you can not deny the financial benefits of a graduate education.(http://www.nytimes.com/2014/05/27/upshot/is-college-worth-it-clearly-new-data-say.html?_r=0&abt=0002&abg=0)
A lot of fields simply aren’t open to non-college grads. How could you deny financial success (and i know i’m generalizing here) to your children? Why don’t you open 529s for each of them and encourage them to put minimal amounts in the accounts as often as they can? Every little bit helps.
I didn’t take this as her denying her children anything, in fact quite the opposite. I believe Susie’s saying she wants to give her kids enough life experience to know themselves and what they really want for their future. If they say, yup, I want to be a nurse, teacher, doctor, etc. then they’ll do the footwork to figure out the how. That’s a better plan than presuming all kids need to go to college, especially, as was stated, when they have no idea what they want to do with an education. I started college as a 38 year old. I was the mother of two middle schoolers at the time and it opened my eyes. I saw so many kids who truly didn’t want to be there. They’d walk into class late, slump into a chair, put their heads down, and fall asleep. (Then there were those who just never came to class at all.) All I could think was “If your parents could see you right now….”.
My daughter took her art background and opened a hair salon and my son is in the Navy and I do not regret their choices at all. If they decide they need college at any time, that’s still an option, and they’ll get so much more out of it when they want it, and understand the financial commitment.
Good for you. When I tell people that I don’t think college is in the cards for my son, I get gasps and the ‘how can you be such a horrible parent’ look. He is going into his sophomore year of high school and I will be thrilled if we can get to graduation day. He truly hates the school environment…..why would I pay tons of money or have him go into debt to force him into an experience that he will hate? Things may change in 3 years. He may decide that is what he wants, but I feel there are too many parents that force college on their children. I have told him I will be happy if he is a productive member of society, regardless of how he chooses to do so.
College is not for everyone but you do need a degree for a lot of careers. Didn’t you to teach or could you have gotten a teaching job without your college degree?
There are other rigorous programs like Teach for America that many states recognize as equivalent to completing a teaching program at a college. As for many other careers you do need a college education or graduate degree. I hope no one is telling their kids not to go to college, it’s a great experience in and out of the classroom. And there are very smart ways to do it financially.
This is such an interesting topic. My husband and I are in show business in Los Angeles as writers. I “made it” before he did, as well as other people I know with Ivy League college degrees. I have no college education, only a public high school diploma. My husband has a Princeton University degree. “The biz” clearly did not care about my degree, only the material I wrote. That said, we are in a creative and very unstable profession. There have been big years and lean years. The Writer’s Guild has a pension for me when I retire that is higher than my mother’s pension who worked for decades as a nurse, an R.N. (with a college degree.)
All of that said, my husband is more hire-able outside of showbiz than I am, but his highest value is based on actual work/writing samples that he has on his resume from a P.R. firm. P.R. has nothing to do with his college degree in Psychology, but he did meet the friend who hired him for that work at Princeton!
I grew up poor- first generation of immigrants. My dad pushed us (four kids) to finish college, all on financial aid and/or student loans.
It has opened many career doors for me. And yes, money doesn’t buy happiness but hey, it definitely makes life easier. I would like my kids to have the same or more opportunities, not less.
Though no guarantee they will use their degrees or have a great life, but at least they will always have that option/advantage.
I grew up poor- first generation of immigrants. My dad pushed us (4 kids) to finish college, all on financial aid and/or student loans. It has opened many career doors for me, for which I’m grateful. Yes, money doesn’t buy happiness, but hey, it does make life easier.
I want my kids to have the same or more opportunities, not less. Though no guarantee they will use their degrees or have a great life, but they will always have that option/advantage. Don’t take that away from your kids.
First off – excuse my language! A-Fucking-Men! I stumbled across your blog from the top mom blog site…. I read your post about what appears to be people being assholes… so I decided to read some more! I’ve been saying this since before I had kids…. you would think I was telling people “oh I hope one day my kid goes to prison” like we are the worst parents ever for not saving* for college for them (*They do each have a savings account…and they will get it when they turn 18) they can either take out loans, get scholarships, or not go! If they don’t go, i’m 100% ok with it, as long as they’re not living on my couch 🙂 If they have the drive and initiative to do SOMETHING without college and earn a living, that’s ok by me. After 1 year of college (and a decent amount of debt after one year) I dropped out of college….10+ years ago. It was the best decision I’ve ever made. 3 years ago I ended up completing my Associates degree… but more for myself. I’m sure it has hurt me in some areas when it comes to jobs not having “the piece of paper” but in my career, hard work and on the job training, or specialized training, is FAR more important than the piece of paper…and my hard work and effort day in and day out has led me to a position where I can support myself and my family, quite decently, and honestly making more than some people with a college degree make! Looking forward to following your blog, I like how you think!
I am almost 40 and just paid off the last of my college loans. And I went to a state school! Yes, my own fault for taking out gigantic loans as a financially illiterate eighteen year old with no idea of what a real job would pay, but still, WTFingF. I probably won’t finish paying for grad school until my kid is in college. I think this is a great post. College was fun, grad school wasn’t fun but was mildly useful, but if I could go back in time I would counsel myself to really think about what I was going to do with my degrees and why I was getting them. I am unlikely to advise my kid that he shouldn’t go to college, full stop, but that certainly will be one of the choices we discuss, which is something I couldn’t have imagined saying 10 years ago. My brother did community college and the apprenticeship route, and that seemed crazy to me at the time but now seems super sensible and I am jealous of his foresight.
Mid forties here and this year will be paying off the last of my student loans. Borrowed for college, two masters degrees (incl MBA), and fit one year overseas.
Have been consistently making over $100k since 1999 with bonuses but life’s everyday expenses never lets catch up to paying them off until now. Key to the advice to the kids as well is to think about where they want to live. 7 years living in NYC was AMAZING but not conducive for saving. AT ALL!! My husband and I still like city life and with 2 kids still only own a 1400 sq ft condo just outside of Boston.
Funny thing is the big impetus in my paying off the last of my loans is that I’ll be quitting my job and staying home. Foregoing the big salary and bonuses to get my sanity back. Totally BURNT out!
Oh, one last thing…there are the awesome schools that build in the modern day apprenticeship. Northeastern, Wentworth, WPI I believe all have co-ops whereby you must work while in school and they’ve built amazing relationships with companies so the kids have real life work experience before graduating. Super valuable!
Thank you for such an honest post. I’m not yet a mother, but I’ve been reading your other posts and your honesty about motherhood is refreshing in the world of blogging.
I am 31 and still paying school loans. Mine are nowhere near 200k, but it’s still a pain in the neck each month. Even more annoying, I got an advance degree and the pay I get for that degree doesn’t even come close to making up for the loans….at least not yet.