I think one of the hardest skills to master as a human being is to take ownership of all the things we do.
We don’t have a hard time owning the good stuff.
When we succeed it’s because we put in the time.
When we win it’s because we worked harder than everyone else.
When things are going well in our marriage it’s because we are being great spouses.
When our kids do the stuff they are supposed to do it’s because we parented them well.
When we get a promotion at work it’s because we repeatedly killed it on the job.
We don’t have a problem taking credit for the good stuff.
But that bad stuff?
Oh, when it’s the bad stuff, suddenly everything is attributed to someone else.
Our marriage is falling apart?
It’s our spouse’s fault.
Our kids are out of control at home?
Oh, well now that’s their fault.
You get demoted at work or even fired?
Obviously it’s your boss who’s the asshole now. Not you.
The house is a mess?
Blame it on the kids. Not your lack of effective systems and guidance.
Your team lost?
Clearly everyone else’s fault.
Somehow we’ve learned this along the way, and then we pass this belief system onto our kids.
When we fix everything for them we teach them that other people are responsible for their actions.
When we constantly blame them for things that really result not from their failure to do what we want them to do but our failure to lead effectively, we model exactly the things we don’t want them to do!
Owning your good stuff and your bad stuff is probably the hardest human-ing skill for any of us to master.
But it might be the one our kids need to see us practicing most.