The other day I saw a post floating around Facebook entitled I’m Sick Of Having To Lose My Shit Before My Family Listens.
This caught my eye because, well, I would have said something similar years ago.
But I’ve spent the past few years doing a lot of work on myself.
And here is the thing.
If you are sick of losing your shit, then the solution is simple.
STOP LOSING YOUR SHIT.
I still lose my shit sometimes.
Not nearly as often as I used to.
But when I do, I don’t point the finger at my kids.
I point it at myself.
We are driving the bus.
We are the leaders of our homes.
If we are often finding ourselves in shit-losing situations, the problem isn’t our kids.
Do your kids get fileted by their teachers at school all the time?
Do your kids’ coaches lose it on them all the time?
I bet they don’t.
And I get if they did, you’d have a pretty big problem with that.
How many times have you said, “Would you talk to your teacher that way???”
Most of our kids don’t behave the same way at school that they do at home.
There is a constant in that equation.
The variables are us and the teachers.
The problem isn’t our kids.
It’s you. And me.
I know it sucks to acknowledge that.
It sucks to realize that you have set up a system or routine where you have to go fucking ballistic before anyone will listen to you.
But your kids’ teachers don’t go fucking ballistic to get your kids to do stuff.
Not the effective ones.
You can say that school is different.
Yeah, it is.
It’s different because at school, teachers make expectations clear and they spend a decent amount of time setting up systems and training kids to follow them. Especially at the early grades.
Kids understand what the expectations are at school.
They know how far they can push it.
On the flip side, for those of us losing our shit at home, the routine we have set up looks something like this:
kids do nothing, mom nags, kids do nothing, mom nags, kids do nothing, mom loses her fucking shit, kids do something until mom calms down, kids do nothing, mom nags…
That’s the routine.
YOU HAVE TO LOSE YOUR SHIT BECAUSE YOU KEEP LOSING YOUR SHIT.
Look at where you are contributing to the insanity.
(you know what they say about insanity).
Change your approach.
Take ownership of what is happening at home rather than pointing the finger at other people.
Then look for where you are going wrong.
Set up respectful systems that work.
Model the communication you want to get back from your kids.
And stop blaming your children for your behavior.
How can we expect our kids to take responsibility for their fuck ups when we don’t take responsibility for ours?
The solution may not be easy, but it is simple:
If you are sick of having to lose your shit before your family listens, then stop losing your shit before your family listens.