The first therapist I ever went to see told me that I had an impulse control problem.
He might have been a little bit right.
That was about twenty years ago.
I’ve come a long way since then, but I sometimes still have a tendency to impulsively jump into things without really thinking them through.
I can see that in this blog sometimes.
Back when I started writing it a little over two and a half years ago, I was not prepared for the comments people would leave.
I hadn’t really read any other blogs before.
I had no clue about the haters.
The Judge Judys.
I didn’t know about the…
trolls.
There was an actual name for them, and they sought you out and caused trouble just for the hell of it.
So being a little impulsive back in the beginning, I’d respond to these troll comments without hesitation.
I would filet the person who felt the need to leave a douchey comment.
Especially if it was made out of total ignorance.
I was sure I’d be able to show the Troll the light.
It didn’t take long for me to learn that I was wrong.
You can’t teach an old troll new tricks.
So now I don’t always read all the comments left on the blog or on Facebook, because if I read one that really pisses me off, I don’t want to engage.
I’m getting better at it.
Sometimes I can completely ignore them.
But today, I got sucked in a little bit.
Yesterday’s post was written about the generosity and kindness.
About the Christmas spirit.
About the goodness of others that still exists all around us.
And then, someone left a dick comment.
An uninformed, presumptuous, ignorant comment.
And it really pissed me off.
I mentioned I was really biting my tongue, and that set off a firestorm.
And all of a sudden one of the most amazing things that has ever happened to my family was tarnished.
It had turned ugly.
And that was not at all what yesterday’s post was about.
I read through the comments and the responses to the Troll.
One in particular stood out:
It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.
So I deleted the ugly comments.
As well as the commenter.
I did have some thoughts, though.
But I resisted the urge to be impulsive, and I waited.
I thought about it for a while.
And here is what I have to say.
If you have found yourself in a situation where you need help, please ask.
You have nothing to be ashamed of.
Yes. There will be haters. Judge Judys.
Ignore them. Because they will be there no matter what.
No matter where you are in life, people are going to point fingers and judge.
Those are not the people who will lend you a hand when you need help, so who gives a flying fuck what they say anyway?
I know. I get it.
Ten years ago, if you had told me that I would be in this situation, I would have laughed.
I am an educated woman with a Masters degree.
I was a Division 1 athlete.
A hard-working, disciplined, and intelligent person holding down multiple jobs at once.
Falling on hard times was not in my plan.
But it’s not in anyone’s plan.
And it still happens, often without warning.
And once you are down in that hole, it can be very, very difficult to climb out.
People can drop a ladder down into the hole, and you can start to climb up, and then all of the rungs can snap and send you sliding right back down to the bottom.
And you have to start over again. Only this time, you may be injured from falling off the ladder.
I totally get it.
And so do many, many other people.
Accepting help does not make you a weak person, but admitting that you need help and allowing yourself to be vulnerable does make you a strong one.
No successful person ever achieved success alone.
And once you get yourself out of that hole, you will remember.
And you will extend a hand to someone else who has found themselves tumbling down.
As for the Troll, well, it’s the Christmas season.
The season of miracles.
And even Ebeneezer Scrooge eventually saw the light.
So I guess there is still hope for her, too.
I missed the drama….but please don’t let a douche canoe wreck the humanity that was shown to you and yours. Funny thing about people like Mr(s). Canoe….they criticize people that ask for help until they themselves have to ask for help and then they get all entitled about it……
You have asked for help (and not even “send me money” help….you ask for things for the KIDS –and not even NEW things…..gently used is what you asked for…and you offered to pay for the stuff as well–). You don’t act entitled to it which is exactly the reason people DO help you in the manner that they do.
I applaud you for staying on higher ground with the negative comments. I believe the lessons you mentioned above are invaluable to our children. We must teach them that success is great but sometimes the process of falling down and getting back up can be just as rewarding!
Ive been in your shoes but in a different way. Our house burned down last year and we lost everything in the house. Thankfully we wren’t home at tge time and we were safe. Immediatly an outpouring of support flooded us. People were donating food, money, clothing, you name it. It was hard for my husband I to accept it at first. We finally realized that we did need the help and people were just doing what they thought would help. Then there were the trolls. One person said “i cant believe theyre getting all of that money, their parents are loaded.” First of all, you don’t know our parents, second, if they were rich, its not their responsibility to pay for a new house. Anyway, we made it through the last year with lots of support. We have a beautiful new house and a healthy family. Haters are gonna hate. Im a strong believer in Karma. Those trolls will get bit by the bitch eventually. Sorry for the long comment. I read you everyday. Have a wonderful Christmas! You deserve it!
I did not grow up rich or poor. I would say the same for my children, except they get way more spoiled then I ever was. My son who is nine came home from school last week I told me that his classmates were giving a girl in there class a hard time, because she did not have much. He said he could not understand what there problem was, because there things made them no better then her and they were all people which made them equal. He said he was talking to her and she really wanted something nice for christmas this year and he said mom I really hope she gets, because she deserves it. My heart glowed at that moment and my nine year old gets it, and it is sad that so many people have to spend there passing judgements on others. Life can be rough we all have struggles and we should be helping each other out not kicking each other when there down. So kuddos to you for taking the high road, but get when you fire back also! Hope your family has a great hoilday and do not let others bring you down.
There is a good saying: “Haters gonna hate” 🙂
I have been in both positions, the giver and the receiver. I have great respect for anyone in either position, your children will remember this as they age and be better people for it. Don’t give ignorant people power over your emotions, you are worth so much more
I used to get mad at people like that. But when you think about it-those people- are totally missing out on a lot of joy in life. They don’t even know it. So instead of being angry, I feel sad for them. I pity them. I pity their children. And I hope one day they will see the light.
You are totally right, Ashley. It’s too bad for them. But they still f*&%ing piss me off 😉
I had my experience with trolls on my imdb site and it’s horrifying. As someone who is an actor and a blogger, this is something I needed to read today after finding myself left out of some things. I don’t know your story as I am just finding your blog but I really liked this post so I will be back.
Thanks Christy. There will always be douches out there. I’m just trying not to be one of them.
I live in the projects. I raise my daughter here. I am a caretaker to my husband, and we live on his disability checks, which means we live on about $700 a month. This was NOT the plan when I got pregnant. This is NOT the place I planned to raise my baby. This is NOT the place I want to live. This is NOT the way I want to live. Every month, we visit food banks. Every holiday, we need help. Angel people help us too. And it makes me cry every time. Just today, someone dropped off two trash bags full of Christmas presents for our daughter, wrapped and all. One of the gifts, I know, is a Monster High scooter, which she will just die over. Brand new. There’s no way I could have made that happen. Another stranger visited earlier in the day and brought me two boxes of food and a box of clothes for her. I have no idea how this person knew I needed them, but here she came, and she even brought three pairs of shoes for my daughter and two Christmas dresses. And a coat.
The biggest troll in my life is my own father. He hasn’t got a single nice thing to say, and constantly talks shit about my life and the way I provide – or don’t provide – for my daughter. And I’ve had to come to terms with letting him spout off at the mouth and leaving it alone. It does no good to argue. He thinks what he thinks, and it’s not going to change. It hurts, because he can’t understand that this IS a good life, that she has what she needs and she knows a level of gratitude that he never could have taught me. Each day is its own victory, but he can’t see that, and never will. And I have to let that be. It took a long time for me to realize that. But I have, finally, and it feels so much better to be at peace with the fact that he just doesn’t get it and never will. And too, that he could never survive if his life took a turn like this one. He wouldn’t know how.