Guilt. The gift that keeps on giving. ~Erma Bombeck

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Last week we shot the next 2 episodes for Mother Bloggers.

One of the topics was mom guilt.

Well, yesterday I fucked up.

I missed Number 3’s Valentine’s Day party.

The Valentine’s Day party that I volunteered for.

I was supposed to bring snacks.

Luckily, I signed up for veggies.

And we know none of the kids were going to eat those anyway.

So that’s some consolation.

But not enough to make up for the unbelievable amount of guilt that consumed me when Number 3 looked at me yesterday afternoon and asked,

“Mommy, why didn’t you come to my party today?”

My heart rate immediately went through the roof.

“Today? It’s tomorrow…isn’t it?”

“No. It was today.”

Ugh.  Insert knife into heart.

“I kept looking for you, but you never came.”

And twist.

This exchange was followed by me running to the computer, checking my email from the Room Mom, confirming what Number 3 had said, shutting myself in the bathroom, and bawling.

I attempted to regain my composure and walked into the kitchen to start getting dinner ready.

My husband looked at me.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Nothing,” I lied.

“Um, I know when something’s wrong.  What’s going on?” he asked again.

“Nothing.”

He just looked at me.

And I burst into tears.

Again.

“ImissedNumber3’sValentine’sDayparty.Hewaslooking formeIwassupposedtobringsnacksI’msuchanassholesnortsnortsnort…..”

I could not stop beating myself up.

I finally collected myself again.

A few minutes later, Number 3 came into the kitchen.

I looked right at him.

“I’m really sorry I missed your party today,” I said to him.  My voice was shaky, my eyes were watery, and it took every bit of strength I had to not burst into round 3 of convulsive crying.

I waited for him to tell me how shitty of a mom I was.

But instead, he walked over and gave me a big hug.

And then he looked at me and said,

“It’s okay Mom. I’m going to have more. It’s not the last one.  You’ll have lots of other chances to come to my parties for a lot of years.”

Commence waterworks.

Nothing like a 7-year-old to bring some perspective to your life.

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