Number 5 is providing me with an unending supply of concrete data to support the existence of the terrible twos.
She is a case study in extremes. She’s either really great, or she totally sucks. And the ratio of great to sucks is about 1:4.
I can’t take it anymore.
She threw such a fit on Wednesday night that I had to leave Number 2’s baseball game. All because she spilled juice on her dress. You would have thought someone poured a bottle of acid on her.
“GET THIS OFF OF ME!!!! I NEED TO TAKE THIS OFF!!!” I NEED A NEW BEAUTIFUL OUTFIT! MOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Of course we were on the far side of the field, so I had to walk past about 50 parents to get to the car. And, by the looks on their faces, it was clear that none of their perfect children have ever misbehaved or thrown a tantrum…
Later that night I saw an add for Pregnant in Heels. If you haven’t seen it it’s a “docu-drama that that follows maternity concierge, fashion designer, and pregnancy guru, Rosie Pope as she guides expecting mothers through the joys and perils of preparing to have a baby. Pope runs MomPrep, the premier training academy for mothers-to-be…”
Anyway, in the ad, she’s putting her clients through another one of those lame, taking-care-of-a-fake-baby tests.
Hey Rosie Pope, why don’t you send your “trainees” over to my house? Forget your fake baby and your “training academy.” If they survive a 24 hour period with Number 5, then they pass.
Now that would be some good tv…