Being married isn’t easy.
In fact,
it’s really fucking hard.
For me, anyway.
Sometimes I’m a good wife.
Other times, not so much.
I’ve done lots of shitty things to my husband.
I wrote about the worst one yesterday.
But there are lots of other little (and not-so-little) things.
I’ve called my husband an asshole, a dick, a motherfucker, and a loser.
I’ve told him to fuck off.
I’ve told him that I was leaving,
and that the marriage was over.
I’ve given him the silent treatment.
I’ve used the word divorce.
On several occasions.
I’ve focused on his faults,
instead of on mine.
Marriage can be good for that.
That person who is right there next to you is the one you sometimes shit on the most.
You treat strangers and acquaintances better than that person who fathered your children.
At least I do.
You know,
my husband is pretty amazing.
I forget that.
I forget that he’s a hands-on dad.
That he will get up in the middle of the night with any of the kids. Willingly.
I forget that unlike most men,
he’s not a total pussy when he gets sick.
I forget that he notices the tiniest little things, like the way I point my fingers, and how one of the girls does it the same way.
I forget that this strong, tough man
sobbed,
uncontrollably,
at the birth of each of our children.
I forget that his heart is much, much bigger than his biceps, the body part I noticed most on that first night I met him.
I’ve taken countless opportunities to hit him when he was down,
to go straight for the jugular.
I’ve hurt him many times.
On purpose.
Because I could.
And he’s still here.
Hasn’t gone anywhere.
Never mentioned divorce.
Never threatened to leave.
It’s my ninth anniversary today.
Nine years.
People ask you what you are going to do for your anniversary.
You have these romantic visions of how you will celebrate.
You know what awesome thing I did for my husband today?
I started off our tenth married year this morning by going off on my husband.
Yelling at him.
I threw in a couple swears for good measure.
Not really a great way to celebrate nine years of marriage.
So,
Honey…
I call a do over.
You know, I tell everyone how hot you are all the time.
And you are.
Big time.
Way hotter (and sexier) than the day we met.
But really,
the most attractive thing about you is your patience,
and your complete and total devotion.
No matter how big of a douche I am, you still tell me that you love me.
Thank you for sticking by me through everything.
I know I have put you through a lot.
A.
LOT.
There is really no one like you.
I’m sorry for forgetting that. On a regular basis.
I love you very much.
And Happy Anniversary.
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You know, I was mean to my husband the other day for no real reason. He found a rotten hot dog in a zip lock bag (left over from one of our six kids fishing) shoved in the couch and started gagging like crazy. I said, “You are such a girl! Seriously, you are such a GIRL” It was rude and unnecessary, but it was JUST a rotten hot dog….
Pretty blessed to have such a guy/husband/dad in your world. 🙂
Just so you know, I feel exactly the same as you, though I’m much more of a silent treatment-type than a curser… Regardless, you’re not alone and thank heavens for patient, devoted husbands!!! 🙂
I am very short tempered and while I’m not usually mean in a direct way, I tend to be snide or (mildly) condescending in my remarks toward my husband sometimes. It’s something that I’ve really been working on though for several years (it’s an ongoing project) because I want to show my daughter how to have a healthy, respectful relationship. Even if they don’t see you fight, they know what’s going on. We’re not fooling them and how my husband and I respond to each other when we’re mad and frustrated is going to play a big role in how our sons and daughters treat their future spouses.
You’re doing a great job teaching them how to be fit, and eat right and make good decisions. You’ve said yourself, that modeling the right behaviors has made amazing changes in your children’s behaviors too. Modeling a respectful, honest and loving relationship with your husband is the best way to ensure that they all know how to have that type of relationship too.
Imagine number 4, in 20 or 25 years and married. Everything we do, they see, and she sees clearer than most. We (me included!) need to be the spouse that we hope our children become.
My husband is the same way, gets up at night any time even if I sleep through it, loves me unconditionally, patient, and not a P when he gets sick. We are so lucky. Thank God for them. You look so beautiful in your wedding picture.
Also, THEY are so lucky to have us. There is a big upside to you. You are amazing and you deserve it.
Heidi (GirltoMom.com)
I’ve done this plenty of times.. of course, I’m divorced now. however, I cried when i read this because the way I treated my ex husband is just like this, and he was always patient,a good dad, and a good worker… I think sometimes we shit on those who love us the most.. but you know what.. i think he and I are better off as friends any way.. and i think you need to learn how to bite your tongue and go for a long drive when these words want to come out because who knows where my marriage woul be today if i had taken my own advice. i think everything will be okay because it sounds like this man really loves you. 🙂 I enjoy reading your posts.
God bless.
Came across your blog today for the first time. Was browsing the web for blogs for the rest of us not so average moms, and I’m so glad I found yours! It’s refreshing to see such honesty and love the fact that you say what ever! I swear like a sailor and happen to be a mom who’s stuck in the Bible Belt of America…Oklahoma! Looking forward to your posts!