In fifteen hours I’m leaving to take Number 4 to school.
She starts her freshman year at the boarding school she worked her ass off to get into.
When she discovered the school two and a half years ago, she decided she was going there for high school.
We told her she could go, but she’d need a full scholarship.
So she got a full, four year scholarship.
This day seemed so far away that it didn’t even feel real back when we found out she got in.
Now the day is tomorrow.
She’s really nervous.
But she’s ready.
What didn’t feel real before feels REALLY FUCKING REAL TONIGHT.
This wasn’t part of the package I signed up for back when she was born.
I was supposed to have at least four more years before this night arrived.
It wasn’t supposed to happen before high school started.
It was supposed to happen after it ended.
Number 4 says she can’t wait to get some space from Number 3.
Number 3 says he can’t wait for Number 4 to leave.
But they both watched one of the Harry Potter movies together tonight, and I suspect now that the day is upon us, reality is setting in for the two of them.
They are going to miss each other. Even if they would never in a million years admit that out loud.
Number 6 is giving me a run for my money in the tears department.
He had a good, long cry tonight.
Then he made a card for his sister.
I’m going to sneak it into one of her bags when I pack up the car tomorrow so she has a surprise when she’s unpacking at school.
As for me, well, let’s just say I can’t really talk about it right now.
You think you get through a difficult stage of childhood and the hardest part is behind you.
And then that fucking stage of letting go comes up out of nowhere and hits you like a ton of bricks.
If there’s a harder stage than this, well, then I’m gonna have to politely decline that one.
Because this one is a heartbreaker.
And I know this is an incredible opportunity for her and it’s not like she’s dying and it’s not like I’m not excited for her.
But all that doesn’t matter right now.
Because I am just really, really, really,
going to miss my girl.
I have been thinking about you and this day. I completely empathize!! Letting go is the part of motherhood no one warns you about….and it is awful! My babies are grown with their own families and I still cry when I leave them. (Just wait till grand babies….that is a whole new level of joy but also separation pain.) Have a safe trip and I will send happy thoughts your way. ❤️
My heart is with you. My oldest is off to boarding school in February 2021 (we live in NZ). He is so excited to be going. I am excited for him and know it is the best opportunity too. But when I get to February I will be all tears. Thinking of you mumma 💖
I don’t know if I would have survived this for high school … sending number 1 off to college on our current COVID-19 world was hard enough and way more complicated for me then I expected! Anticipation for me is the worst! Move in day was great until I had to look at all we had accomplished and kiss her head and walk out that door…. sigh. Fast forward three weeks and we get lots of photos of food she is eating, pictures with new friends, lots of FaceTime and “how do I” questions. But my hands down favorite moment is on FaceTime with number 1 and number 2 bounces over to her on the call too to say ‘I miss yyyyooouuuuu!’
You all got this! 💕
I’ve been following your blog for many years. The crazy number 4 stories were always my favorite. I now have a fearless, strong willed, super social 3 year old girl that reminds me so much of #4. I hope that mine finds as much success as yours has and surely will. Lots of luck to you both as you transition into this new next adventure
Being a momma has been my favorite part of being alive for almost 30 years. Number 1 will be 30 at the end of the month. Numbers 4 & 5 will be 16 two days before that. When I was pregnant with my first, I read everything I could get my hands on about being a momma. I read all about breast feeding, milestones, nurturing, discipline, the works! I knew a shit ton about babies and raising kiddos theoretically. Not one of those damn books said ANYTHING to the effect of “One day that little cherub is going to grow up and move out and have his/her own life.” I’ve had three do this. It does NOT get easier to watch them spread their wings. It DOES create unbounded joy to watch them spread their wings. Once the separation wounds begin to heal – and they do heal quickly – the moments of realization of what a fantastic person you helped create and bring up will start to fill your heart right back up. My heart gets so full it spills out my eyes as I watch and participate in my grown children’s lives.
Parenting is really hard. And to have one moving on with quasi-independence early would make it even more difficult to endure. You’ve got this, though. You’re an amazing mom. Your daughter knows it and that fact is a large part of why she is so confident to take this major step. And on a full scholarship! Holy cow!! Proud momma moment for reals!
Lots of hugs to you and to the rest of the family. Your family’s daily reality is about to shift again. Everyone will need extra love and patience for a while.
It’s been a week since you have posted and that’s unusual. I hope you and your family are okay.
Sweet sweet number four. Hope she is settling down well and that you are being gentle on yourself, Susie. Lots of love to you.