There is a vineyard in my town. It’s 1.7 miles from my house as the crow flies, and a 3.3 mile drive.
And in the seven years I have lived here, I’ve never been there.
Today I went there with a bunch of friends to surprise another friend for her birthday.
It was awesome.
You can buy bottles of wine and sit outside at a table and bring a picnic lunch and do whatever the hell you want, really.
So anyway, you can also pay $8 to sample six of the wines there.
After we had been there for about an hour and drank a few bottles of wine between the eight of us, we went inside for the tasting.
There were three or four people serving us.
One of them was the owner of the vineyard.
We were all saddled up to the bar, we had all chosen the wine we wanted to check out, and the owner zeroed in on me and said, “Is something bothering you? I can tell that something in bothering you.”
I have no idea how old he was, but I’m guessing maybe 75- 80ish.
I didn’t know what to say.
“Do you need a therapist?”he asked.
What the fuck?
“Is it that obvious?” I asked him.
“I saw you coming from Nebraska,” he said.
Ummmm… I had no fucking clue what that even meant.
“So do I have a scarlet T on my forehead?” I asked him.
“No, ” he said. “I’m a gynecologist,” he said.
What. The. Fuck.
This was getting weirder (and funner) by the minute.
“I’ve got issues at both ends,” I told him. “Would you be interested in a two for one special?”
I don’t remember what exactly was said after that, but there was some back and forth which ultimately resulted in me saying to him,
“I know you want me.”
He laughed some more.
“Well, you do have a great smile,” he told me.
I was laughing so hard. We all were.
The owner was playing along. He was really cool. Especially for an older dude.
He was smart and fun.
Was he really able to know shit about me just by looking at me?
I don’t know.
But who knows. Maybe he was.
He thanked us and said goodbye.
It was a random and so fun afternoon.
And if I find myself in need of a therapist,
or a pap smear,
or a bottle of wine…
Well, now I know exactly where to go.