Dear Fellow Moms,
I owe you an apology.
I’ve come to this realization only in the past few days, since I’ve decided to stop complaining.
I have been writing this blog for almost three years now.
And I have been known to go off on a rant every now and then.
Sometimes I think it’s justified.
Like when Irene told me there was no excuse for my sink full of dishes.
Or when the asshole at my kid’s little league game was smoking right there on the baseball field.
Or when Judge Judy told me Number 6 was much too old to be wearing diapers.
But then there were the other posts I wrote.
Like the ones attacking the Bento Box lunch-making moms.
And the Elf-on-the-Shelf enthusiasts.
And the Pinterest-inspired birthday party throwers.
And the leprechaun trap makers.
I’ve been thinking about those posts.
When it comes down to it, I was just complaining.
While Irene and the Smoking Dude and Nita the Diaper Judger were attacking me or doing something that was harmful to my kids, the Bento/Elf/Leprechaun lovers weren’t.
They weren’t doing anything to me at all.
The elves and parties and leprechauns and lunches don’t effect me.
So why did I feel the need to attack?
Well, I think it comes down to insecurity.
Insecurity and guilt and the feeling that we moms need to do it all.
I wish it weren’t, but I think it’s often a natural instinct to godirectly into competition mode when other moms are doing things that we aren’t doing.
We start telling ourselves stories.
I should be doing that too.
My kids are missing out.
And rather than just appreciate all the different things that we moms do for our kids, rather than celebrate all of our strengths, we feel threatened.
Why do we do that?
We have a lot of kids in this house. They all have different strengths and abilities.
Number 3 is really good at baseball.
Number 4 is a great singer.
Number 5 is ridiculously flexible.
Number 6 can figure out how to work all aspects of any technological device in under 60 seconds.
And we make them each feel proud of these talents.
But we don’t encourage them all to one up each other.
Conversely, we also don’t encourage Number 6 to discredit Number 4’s wonderful singing voice just because he doesn’t happen to possess that same gift.
Number 3 and 4 love the swim team.
Number 1 and 2 have zero desire to be a part of it.
We don’t tell them they should also love swimming.
We don’t encourage them to gang up on Number 3 and 4 and tell them that swimming is stupid and a waste of time.
And upon a little self reflection, I realize that’s exactly what I’ve been doing to the moms who enjoy doing that stuff.
Just because it’s not worth my time, doesn’t mean it’s not worth your time.
Just because I don’t think it’s fun, it doesn’t mean nobody should think it’s fun.
To each her own.
I just want people to do something because they enjoy it, or because it improves the quality of their lives, and not for the sake of feeling the need to keep up with other people.
So I’m not going to stop having opinions.
And I’m not going to stop speaking my mind.
But I am going to try to model those same things I am trying to teach my kids.
And I am going to apologize.
I don’t know what the hell it is that I’m going through.
I guess I’m growing up.
And like a responsible grown up, I want acknowledge what I’ve been doing and let you know that I feel a little bit like a tool.
And I’m sorry.
And while I’m still never gonna get an Elf on the Shelf, I’m no longer going to make fun of or complain about somebody else who does.
(But I might hide you from my Facebook feed for the month of December).
Thank you for making me Number 1!
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Everyone has a right to complain every now and then though. It’s also your blog to do whatever you want with but I personally think what you are doing is great. I support this change 100%!
personal evolution is hard. Your honest self-reflection is also hard. I try for it as well and am also getting better. But I’m doing it privately and inspiring no one. You really are an amazing woman.
I start every morning at work with your latest post. I look forward to it like a Daily Dose of Goodness. I always get something wonderful and share-worthy when I read what you have written. This past week I have challenged myself to try not to complain either and it is working. Today I am reminded that humility and accountability are two key components to being a good parent/citizen/co-worker/counselor/listener/just about anything else you can think of. I am reminded today to keep an open mind and that just because I believe or think a certain way, does not make everyone else who thinks differently, wrong. Thanks for the much needed perspective and my daily “vitamin” in the form of your blog.
I love this post. And I just want you to know that I am an elf-on-the-shelfer and I didn’t feel offended in the least by your comments about it. It is perfectly ok to rant and it is perfectly ok not to love everything all the time.
I don’t think your complaining as much as voicing your opinion. It is all in the presentation.
I love your blog and how you voice your opinion. It makes me laugh (or cry) everyday. (BTW…I am not the “Irene” that commented on your sink full of dishes. I have plenty of dirty dishes in my sink at any given time.)
I love your blog and you are absolutely right in this post. I do the elf on a shelf and we did do the leprechaun traps (nothing too creative, no set up scenes for the elf, just hidden and I was the one who just put 20 pennies around the shoe boxes for the trap) but i have made fun of bento box people and some other things and you are probably right. Why should I care if someone has the talent and energy to do things I wouldn’t do. You have opened my eyes. Thanks. I also want to complain less but my family got an 8 week old puppy this week and I am not a dog lover but all the work comes on me…more swear words have come out of my mouth this week than ever and I am angry all the time. I’d like to change my attitude but this puppy won’t stop biting me and pooping everywhere. 🙂 hopefully I can get inspire red to change my attitude soon. I just re read my post and it read like a complaint about my dog…ugh…gotta work on things.
This actually makes me feel better about your blog. I have been a follower for quite a while and after the last few negative posts, i started to wonder if I should keep reading. I’m not some go better Mom trying to one up anyone else and often I feel like I should be doing more after seeing what other mom’s do. I quit Facebook because i can’t stand the fakeness of it all. I “only” have 2 children and I do enjoy having fun with St. Patrick’s day. I hate The Elf on the Shelf, but my children LOVE him. Why should I feel bad about make my kids childhood exciting and memorable? I will do anything to see my kids smile (well…within reason.). Anyway, thank you for acknowledging that a few of your posts were a little judgemental. It means a lot. 🙂
I think that’s a great idea. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not above a little snark. Sometimes it’s what gets me through the day. I even wrote an entire post recently about how sarcasm is my second language, and I’m kind of grateful that I’m raising 7 kids who will speak it. But I think it all has to be kept in perspective. And, it is way too easy to let that stuff get on top of you, and change your outlook.
I have sometimes thought how I wished the world would give me less to snark about, but it doesn’t work that way. We have to change ourselves.