Yesterday I got a message from a reader who was feeling a little discouraged.
I’ve been following your blog for a while now and thoroughly enjoy it, you’ve helped me through some rough stuff, thank you. I’ve never actually responded to any of your posts but they’ve certainly made an impact on me which is why, when I was feeling bad tonight, I thought of you…My husband left me almost two years ago… I had a tough time with that at first but decided to focus on something important to me and thus I spent the first year recovering and exercising. I ran 2 half marathons and 2 tough mudders and worked out daily…I enjoyed being and feeling strong.
About 7 months ago I started grad school and immediately my free time was cut in half. I still worked out (I could do it at work, [my job] promotes a healthy lifestyle and my job was flexible) so all of my ‘big rocks’ were covered (kids, school, work, exercise). But in February I switched jobs to one with less of a culture of fitness (I get made fun of for eating salads!) and found the demands too great to fit in workouts during the day. I thought I could fit them in after work but then schoolwork would suffer (I study and work out after the kiddos go to bed so I don’t lose time with them). This became a trend and so did my lack of willpower to eat healthy.
So far, since February I’ve gained almost 10 pounds. I know all the things I need to do to lose the weight but can’t seem to make it happen. There’s no way for me to work out as much as I did without giving up sleep, which isn’t an option. I know what I should be eating but somehow I just can’t make the right choices…. I even know how to prevent that but I just can’t seem to apply all this great knowledge I have in my head.
That brings me here…I looked in the mirror today and decided I wouldn’t look away until I found something I liked…I could only pick my forearms as everything else looks pudgy to me. Everyone around me thinks I’m crazy. I know I’m a fairly small woman… but that doesn’t seem to matter…I feel gigantic. I’m not sure what to do to help myself…was wondering if you had any words of advice.
Okay.
To my discouraged friend.
I totally get it.
And I think a lot of us do. Most of us. Maybe all of us.
Here are my thoughts.
With respect to the unhealthy assholes at work who make fun of you for eating well and taking care of your body,
um,
fuck ’em.
Maybe if you keep leading by example your good habits will rub off on them.
Keep doing the healthy thing.
Next…
YOU HAVE RUN TWO MARATHONS AND TWO TOUGH MUDDERS!!!
Are you kidding me?
Do you know how many people can say they have done that?
I can’t!
You are a rock star!
You can do anything!!!
Don’t forget that!
Now, as far as the body issues go, I used to stress out about my body.
Big time.
I used to worry about what my stomach looked like when I was out for a run. I used to stress over what people in their cars would think of me if they saw parts of my body jiggling while I was running.
I used to try to run with the wind so that my shirt wouldn’t blow up against any bulges that I had and so people wouldn’t see how imperfect my body was.
Yes, I spent ridiculous amounts of energy worrying about stupid shit like that.
I let years go by without having pictures taken with my kids.
I have only recently come to accept my body for what it is.
It has cellulite.
It has stretch marks.
It has wrinkles.
But you know what else?
My body is a fucking machine.
My body has done some really awesome shit.
And I am pretty proud of that.
Plus, I have a lot of other stuff to worry about.
Way bigger things than a number on a scale.
When you are in danger of losing your house and can’t pay for your kids to go to the dentist and are buying a couple gallons of diesel at the gas station to put into your oil tank because you ran out of oil, can’t pay for another delivery and haven’t had hot water in two days,
well,
that kind of puts things into perspective.
Then there is my husband.
My husband thinks I’m hot.
Sexy.
More beautiful than the day we got married.
Even with my added pounds and wrinkles and imperfections.
My husband was a pretty big-time model.
He modeled with Elle McPherson.
Paulina Porizkova.
I don’t know how old you are, so you may not know who those women are.
But they were big time models back in the day.
My point is that my husband has literally worked with the most beautiful women in the world.
But he only has eyes for me.
Imperfect me!
I know you aren’t married.
But men out there are not looking for the perfection that you are.
They appreciate all the parts of your body.
They may appreciate some parts more than others, but they appreciate them all.
Whatever the size.
So stop beating yourself up.
A flat stomach or certain clothing size or number on the scale does not make you a good person or a better spouse or an awesome mom.
It also doesn’t necessarily make you happy.
So I would say this:
My number one piece of advice is get back to working out.
Not because you need to lose weight, but because your body and your brain need exercise.
Find a gym that has babysitting.
Your children will not suffer if you spend time on yourself, especially if it’s something healthy.
But they might suffer if you don’t.
There is a reason why they tell you to put the oxygen mask on yourself first in an airplane.
So it doesn’t have to be an insane amount of exercise.
Even just 30 minutes a day.
But that will clear your head.
It will get you back on that path to feeling fit and strong.
And THAT is the goal.
The goal is not a number on the scale.
The goal is being present, being balanced, and being a role model for your children.
The goal is health.
And working on your physical health improves your mental health.
Improving your mental health makes you confident.
Confidence makes you not give a shit about a number on the scale.
And once you get to that point,
you’ll feel more attractive than ever.
No matter what that number is.
2nd PLACE SUCKS! I need your votes!
VOTE ! VOTE! VOTE ! VOTE! VOTE ! VOTE! VOTE ! VOTE!
I’ll keep writing, you keep voting!
Leave a Reply