I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately.
A lot of thinking.
It may be some sort of mid life thing. It may be that I’m just starting to see things differently now that I’m in the second half of my life. Maybe it’s because at forty-seven years old, my priorities are shifting. It could be because my kids are getting older or because physically I feel different now that I’m… middle-aged.
Perhaps it’s some sort of existential crisis.
Or it could be that I’m finally able to really take a good hard look at myself.
Whatever the reason, I am at a crossroads.
Maybe it’s not a crossroads.
Maybe it’s a fork in the road.
Either way, I think it’s time.
Time to take a different road. Time to change the direction of my path.
Acknowledging this is scary.
It’s scary because I am not sure I can succeed. It will be one of the harder tasks I’ve taken on in my life.
It’s scary because it’s foreign territory for me. Uncharted waters.
It’s scary because I’m not sure my friends will understand.
It’s scary for lots of reasons.
But it’s most scary because making this decision means it’s the end of one life, and the beginning of another one.
How I have arrived at this point will take a little bit of explaining. It will certainly take more than one blog post.
In fact it will take several.
So tomorrow I’ll go back and start from the beginning.
But tonight, so as not to be a total asshole and keep you indefinitely in complete suspense, I’ll fast forward to the end of the story:
I think it’s time for me to stop drinking.
Me too! I am just ready to be done with that poison.. Too many years wasted under the influence. Too many years ahead to remember with my kiddos. I’m with you, girl! Stand strong. You can do this!!!
I quit March 2012, for a number of reasons. My life has drastically improved. I wish you lots of love and support. <3
Tania P. says
Good luck to you, and always, you are a pillar of strength to others, even when you don’t feel like it for yourself. Bighugs to you.
As a Mom who has seen 48 years, and the effects of drinking on my family, I applaud your courage in saying this. I’ve been following you for a few years. I’m glad you are back. Sending you love and light from Ontario, Canada.
That is HUGE! I applaud you for your decision. My husband is an alcoholic (sober 24 years). I don’t drink because I don’t want to drink alone and all 3 of my siblings are alcoholics. It can destroy relationships and ruin lives. Alcoholic addiction has completely broken my family (brothers and sister) apart. It is a very lonely life. Looking forward to hearing more about your journey.
The day my dad did is the the beginning of me getting to know him (and like him). I applaud you for doing this before they are out of the house like i was.
Wow. There are no coincidences. I found your blog while looking for ways to flavor my greek (Costco) yogurt, then started nosing around. I haven’t read any further than your July 2nd post, but that last line took me back to when I was just a bit younger than you-41, and miserable. After counseling, treatment for depression and filing for divorce, I turned to what I thought was my last resort. I went to my first AA meeting and have never looked back. In December, I’ll celebrate 20 years-a milestone I could only imagine back then. But AA has not only changed my life, it’s changed me. Without alcohol, I’ve finally learned who I am, gotten to know myself. I love my life today and I love who I’ve become. I don’t know if you’re planning to do this on your own-I can tell you I tried for many years, and many times. I was terrified. I can also tell you going to AA was the absolute best thing I ever did for myself-I could never have done it alone. I too, live in Connecticut but only have two children, both grown and married and am about to embark on a new chapter in my life. I wish you all the best. It won’t be easy-especially at first, but if you’re committed, you can do it. Believe me, it will be worth the effort and you will, as they say, have a life far beyond your wildest dreams. I do. Good luck.
Check out SoberSis. I stopped drinking last month because of stomach issues, but also because it was becoming a crutch for me to numb anxiety. Not the healthiest habit! Sober Sis has been an amazing support system for me because it’s geared toward women who aren’t alcoholics, but want to make healthier and more mindful choices with alcohol.
not your average mom says
Oooooh this is good to know. I will check her out for sure!