Twas the night before Christmas and in every room, it looked like a bomb had exploded… KABOOM! Decorations first hung by the chimney with care now destroyed by the children who rambunctiously lived there. The dishes were nestled all snug in the sink, The laundry room full of dirty clothes that did stink. Pots on the stove and a mess on […]
Funny Stuff
The best gifts can’t be wrapped.
The old ladies in the locker room at the gym fall into two categories. The really cranky ones and the really happy ones. The really cranky ones are annoyed when the floor gets wet and when there are kids in there and when someone takes their shower and if your bag is on the bench […]
What the experts say. And what you really do.
When you are pregnant for the first time, there is a good chance you do your homework. You read a lot of books. You find out what the experts say. And you follow their directions. For like eleven minutes. Then you learn better. And you do what really works, especially with respect to the […]
Just call me Mrs. Zoolander.
I’ve been trying really hard to teach the kids that the most important thing about a person is his or her character. That kindness and respect and compassion and responsibility and perseverance and hard work are much more important than your physical appearance. You know, that what really matters isn’t what’s on the outside, but […]
It’s the most, annoying tiiiiiiiiiimmme, of the year.
I ran out of time today, so here is a post I published last year. And no, I haven’t caved yet. I hate the Elf on a Shelf. And I hate pictures of your elf. On a shelf. Or in your cabinet. Or the cookie jar. Or chugging wine and popping pills. Or doing Barbie from […]
Dear Top 40 Radio Stations
I am not a conservative person. I’ve got tattoos. I’ve been pierced in more places than just my ears. I’m not easily offended. And I like to say fuck. A lot. But when it comes to my kids, that’s a whole different story. We’ve got seven kids. Yeah. Seven. The youngest five are all under […]