A couple days ago I shared a post entitled Birthday Party Guidelines All Parents Should Follow.
It was fairly popular here and on the Facebook page.
I feel pretty strongly about this subject.
It has nothing to do with the fact that we don’t have any money right now. It has nothing to do with the number of children we have.
It has much more to do with the number of birthday parties my children are invited to and the fact that I have pulled my head out of my behind in the past two years.
There is a site called Google Analytics which provides you with statistics for your website. You can see how many people are on your site, how many people are reading each particular post, which posts are the most popular, what towns/cities/states/countries the people who are reading you posts live in, how many pages people read per visit, etc.
So that birthday party post got a decent amount of traffic for about 36 hours, and then, as most posts do, the traffic to it kind of died down.
Until last night.
Last night there was a huge spike in traffic to my site. Like ten times the normal amount.
I thought there was something wrong with Google Analytics.
Hundreds of people were reading my “birthday guidelines” out of nowhere. At like two o’clock in the morning.
I knew that post would rub the over-the-top birthday crowd the wrong way.
What I didn’t anticipate is that it would be posted on the Being Mommy Facebook page.
I didn’t even know there was a Being Mommy Facebook page.
But when a couple readers told me this morning, I checked it out. There are like 4 million people who follow that page on Facebook.
So I found where my post had been shared.
And then I read one comment just totally shredding me. And then another.
If there is one thing I have learned, it’s not to read too many comments.
They are dangerous. And I have been known to go off a tiny bit on some of these people.
So I got away from Facebook. But then the comments started showing up on the blog.
And they were really mean.
I was accused of hating celebrating my child’s life.
Can’t believe this person actually has children?!! If you hate celebrating your child’s life, then to ME you have serious issues….like Selfish much!!
I was told I had lost my mind.
You have lost your mind. Kids deserve to have a birthday party every year. Maybe not big but they still need one.
I was told to quit making shitty, judgmental blog posts.
Encouraging people to not completely eliminate them, but to scale back on the one, and two and three-year-old birthday parties is ridiculous?
Suggesting we stop inviting entire preschool and kindergarten classes to parties is judgmental?
Have you ever been to one of those parties?
Your kid plays with two or three kids out of the whole class.
It’s comparable to inviting every single person you are “friends” with on Facebook to a party at your house.
In my opinion it’s a waste of money.
I was told You don’t have to cut corners on some of the most beautiful life experiences for the sake of college …
Chuck E Cheese is not a beautiful life experience.
It’s a fucking punishment in a germ-ridden hell hole where you run the risk of contracting an infectious disease and leaving with a ten percent permanent hearing loss.
I was told This is ridiculous.
Um… No. What is ridiculous is spending over $5000 on birthday parties for your child before she is even completely potty trained.
Yes. Someone actually admitted to doing that.
That is ridiculous. Even if you have a whole cellar filled with bags of money and a treasure chest full of gold dubloons and a fucking money tree in your backyard, that is stupid.
Now you can accuse me of being judgmental.
Oh yeah, and for those of you about to leave a comment wondering why I feel the need to use the f-word, read this fucking post.
While those comments were mean or just annoying, the one that bothered me the most is this one:
I just threw a party for my 6 year old at pizza hut. Bought 6 pizzas for $7 each. Invited 2 classes of kindergarteners so 50 kids and families and payed for admission for everyone on first Sunday of the month so it was $1 per person instead of $12 per person. I also made a two tier cake that cost me $20. I didn’t buy her anything and she made out like crazy…
Forget the fact that there were 50 kids invited to a 6-year-old’s party.
But that last line.
I didn’t buy her anything and she made out like crazy.
She made out like crazy???
That is the problem right there.
Celebrating a human being’s life is not measured by how crazy your kid makes out.
But that’s what we are turning it into.
Everything is out of control and over the top.
We are teaching our children that excess isn’t only good, but that it’s needed.
I agree 100% that every kid should be made to feel extra special on his or her birthday.
But spending hundreds or even thousands of dollars on your kid’s birthday every single year is not a necessity.
And it doesn’t necessarily make him or her feel special.
I think it might make your kid feel entitled, though.
And let’s say we put the money aside and forget the financial aspect of it.
We are overcomplicating everything.
I don’t know a single mom who doesn’t say “I can’t keep up.” Who doesn’t feel like she’s at her wits end. Who doesn’t feel underappreciated and completely overwhelmed.
And that is what My Birthday Guidelines post is about.
We as a society have gotten to the point where we make every single thing into a huge deal which, in turn, makes nothing a big deal.
Nothing is special.
Nothing is sacred.
There are now preschool graduations where the kids wear caps and gowns, for crying out loud.
Nothing is reserved for when you are older anymore.
We don’t make our kids wait for anything.
And our preschoolers aren’t demanding this stuff.
They aren’t requesting caps and gowns at four years old.
We are doing it to them.
And we are doing it to ourselves.
I know all of these really douchey comments are from people who stumbled across the blog and have no idea who the hell I am.
They don’t know me.
They don’t know my story.
They clearly don’t have a sense of humor.
They don’t know how every birthday is special here in our house.
They don’t know about Number 4’s seventh birthday.
They don’t know how much fun Number 3, 5, and 6 had at their combined birthday party last summer.
And that’s not really who the post was written for.
It was written for those of you who get it.
This is a blog. My blog.
And one of the reasons why it has become fairly successful is because I speak my mind. You might think it. But I say it.
Another reason why I have a faithful group of readers is because I put it all out there. And because I openly acknowledge I am a work in progress.
I’m certainly not without flaws. I fuck up a lot.
But I want to be the best version of myself that I can be.
I am going through all this shit with everyone else.
The feeling overwhelmed, the money troubles, the kids being assholes, the marital bullshit, the fucking weight loss battles.
All of it.
I’ve been through a whole bunch of shit.
Death of a brother, physical abuse, miscarriages, divorce, mental illness, bankruptcy, ex wives, weight gain, weight loss, childbirth, potty training, kids with anxiety issues, food stamps…
You name it, I have pretty much been through it.
And I do a lot of reflecting.
A fucking lot of it.
And I’m just passing along the things that I find are helping me. And I’m passing along those moments when I realize I’m doing things that aren’t helping me or my children.
And encouraging you to do some reflecting as well.
Because it’s fucking hard. And I think we often don’t realize that we are making it even harder for ourselves.
There was one other comment from this post that I read…
Someone who has seen the light.
I spent so many months hand crafting decorations for parties, hours making food, and shopping for the parties and I NEVER ONCE GOT THE ENJOY THE DAMN THING!!!
This is part of the reason for my recent decision to simplify.
I think we have confused ourselves. I don’t think most of the aspects of these parties are actually for the kids anymore.
But it’s not just parties. It’s everything.
We aren’t trying to impress our kids.
We are trying to impress our friends. Or people we don’t even know!
And we are trying to outdo them.
This extra pressure doesn’t make our kids happier.
And it doesn’t make us happier.
Am I saying don’t throw a great party for your kids a couple times during their childhood?
Am I saying don’t get a cool cake or make some decorations that you know they would really appreciate?
Hell no! Nobody loves a great party more than I do!
But I am saying they don’t need a big fucking blowout every year.
What they need is for parents to keep them in check.
They need to be grateful for the things that matter. Family. Health. The fact that they are alive to see another year.
They need parents to make sure they know how hard you have to work to make a dollar.
They need the adults around them to teach them to be financially responsible.
And yes. They need to know that the people who brought them into this world think they are the most special gift that they have ever received.
But the way you do that definitely doesn’t include 50 six-year-olds, and it probably doesn’t take place at Chuck E Fucking Cheese.
I relate to you on so many levels. Well except I’m just a mom if three 13,3&1 and I just have to say this… I FUCKING love reading your post. Always puts a smile on my face!
YES YES YES A THOUSAND TIMES YES! Very, very well-said. The excess makes me sick when I think of all the people in the world who don’t have enough food. Wake up, people!
Hi, I read your post My Birthday Guidelines and chuckled! It was funny, comical and a good read. We have 3 young ones and have kept parties simple. Older siblings help get the house ready, wrap presents and get the cake decorated. The birthday kiddo is made to feel special, but not over the top. Please keep writing these posts, it’s refreshing to have others who try for simplicity,
Amen! While I am guilty of occasionally going a little overboard on the bday’s…it’s ridic. My boys are made to feel super special on their birthday, but we have told them the “big” parties won’t be every year. Sometimes it’s OK to go just get a few friends, go to the park, and beat the crap out of each other with pool-noodle-light-sabers (and call it a Star Wars themed party.)
Please keep putting your perspective out there. Everything is out of control and we are teaching our kids to value the wrong things.
I’m new to your blog and love it! I get it! And I only have 3. I love the brutal honesty and the profanity as you say exactly what I think, feel and say myself. As for the parties, you are right! I spent a lot of money on my kids birthdays the first few years and when I think about it, I didn’t do it for them, it was for me. Then I realized that with the money I spent on parties (and we did only invite close friends and family-but I’m Hispanic so that’s A Lot) which Of Course included alcohol, we could have a vacation. And that’s what we did the last 4 years. Instead of parties we took a great family vacation. And those are the memories my kids have now. That’s for them and me. So keep up the great job and Thank You!
We are all allowed to have an opinion, and mine is that I think you are fucking awesome.
People will complain about how self centered and entitled this generation of kids are yet it’s the adults that are complaining that are creating it. I appreciated the post oh the parties. You hit it spot on. The elaborate parties aren’t for the kid, they are for the adults. It’s insane. Thank you!
When did it become OK to teach our kindergarten kids that a birthday is about what they get? Why at 16 are they big spoiled assholes that don’t have a clue about real life? Because at 6 we taught them that it is OK to invite people you know to a party, cause they will buy you something. We have lost sight of inviting people to special events because they are special people and replaced it with what’s in it for me, and how much will I get. Throw a big party to prove I am mother of the year. Not everyone who throws their kids a big party is missing the boat. But the judgemental, better than everyone else, stuck up bitches that just don’t get it, don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way out 🙂 there are way more important things in life to worry about than the latest and greatest 10 year old girl birthday party theme (Hollywood red carpet, which requires a formal gown and crown). In 10 or 20 years what is she going to remember, spending time with grandma learning how to make strawberry jam or 4 hours with a bunch of pretty drama queens that she will never see when they graduate school?
YES!!! Well said! We’ve never done big parties in our house and our kids don’t feel like they’re missing out. The only time they feel like they’re missing out is when they are invited to 20 different birthday parties and I have to decline to half of them because we can’t afford so many gifts. We’re raising 4 kids on less than 50,000 per year – we can’t afford to go without just so a kid we don’t know can “make out like crazy”. Shake off the haters…you’ve got more readers who love your honesty and ability to put into words what most of us have been thinking at one time or another. Good on ya!
I absolutely love your blog, and totally appreciate your honesty! We need to get back to basics…that is what most kids really want!!
Mean people suck! I appreciate your perspective and respect your opinion and your right to express it. We keep birthdays pretty low key in our family. We just celebrated my daughters second birthday with a family trip to the zoo and dinner out for pizza. Just our family. She loved it and I thought it was the best day ever.
I hear ya, Susie. Kids’ birthday parties are out-of-control and ridiculous. Don’t even get me started on Chuck E Fuckin Cheese!
As soon as I read that post I thought…wow, she is going to get some bad comments. It reminded me of your St. Patrick’s day leprechaun post. 🙂 Some people like to do those things…but I would say it is a very small percentage of people and then the others feel like they “have” to do it to keep up. Ugh. It is a never ending circle.
I just found your blog maybe a week ago. And I binge read pretty much every post. I about cried when I read that you’d found the awesomeness that is MMM. But, this post is the one that I feel I have to comment on. I actually like a good dorky themed kids party. But, I do them on the cheap. And not every year. And no fucking way will an entire class ever be invited nor will I ever step foot in the shit hole known as Chuck E Cheese’s.
Is it b/c I don’t love my child? Hell no. It’s b/c I do love her and can see past kindergarten bullshit into the future where she needs things that are not Disney character encrusted. Things like financial stability, and appropriate perspective, and balance, and food beyond that which is served by rats. So, I’m going to focus my parenting skilz on working on those aspects, and maybe throw some inexpensive parties when I feel like it for fun, but not pretend like they’re really anything important, because they’re not.
Well, not to be redundant, but YES. A THOUSAND, MILLION TIMES YES!!!!!
So where I’m from, the great state of Minnesota, there is an out-of-this-world awesome program called ECFE. It stands for Early Childhood Family Education. You drop your little person in his class and then you go to your own Parent Education class. You learn how to be a parent from experts in the field. These people made it their life goal to spread the word on what it really means to be a GREAT parent. They have advanced degrees in early childhood development, not to mention decades of experience.
And the recurring message?
GET RID OF EXCESS. STOP. Stop with the constant toys, treats, rewards in the form of candy and knick-knacks & cheap trophies, hugely unnecessary birthday parties, millions of after school activities, tons of clothes, etc. You get the idea. You said it all – that’s where entitlement comes from. And they’re not even asking for it! Until they start expecting it.
I mean this message popped up every single week I took these classes. For years.
These people know what they’re talking about. They are EXPERTS, I tell you.
And we have the proof in front of us. Our kids. They want us, not stuff. Not parties that will get them stuff. Not truly. Not if you know their hearts.
To all those people who say, “Well they will enjoy the pictures! Even if they don’t remember the disgustingly huge party, I can show them the pictures!” For real? Is THAT EVEN A THING YOU JUST SAID. Go home, because you’re ridiculous.
So I guess what I’m trying to say is thank you. The internet can be such a shithole (I read the Being Mommy post. Blerghhhh). And seemingly every space for moms is full of fake bullshit. Thank you for being the opposite of all that, and for being real. And for responding to those assholes with your realness.
Please keep writing for all of us who don’t have our heads up our asses. Xo.
Right on, great comment.
Totally agree. Holy cow. I didn’t even need to read any other posts to know that I like you as a mom and a person. Keep on keepin on! ❤️
I hope you put a link to this article on BEING MOMMY. I read some of those comments last night, and I can understand how you would feel upset…bullied even. There is definitely a bully pandemic in our lifetime. I enjoy your blog, your points of view, your sense of humor. I don’t take everything you write as the rule to life because I”m a grown-ass woman that knows the difference between an opinion and fact. Know that your supporters are here for you, and in the words of Taylor S., “haters gonna hate, hate, hate…”
Did Chuck E Cheese once. Kids kept bugging me for tokens. Never again.
Roller rink once. Mainly family and couple of school friends. Meh.
Mostly it was close friends ONLY at my home and a homemade cake. And that didn’t start till they were in school. I also never fed them, just cake and ice cream and a drink. I wasn’t about to waste my money on real food they wouldn’t eat anyway.
Love this. We skipped. Yes skipped, my youngest birthday this year because he broke his elbow. Every party he wanted to have his couldn’t participate in and let’s face it who remembers their 7 th birthday, so we had a family celebration and skipped the kids party. I feel no guilt. I saved a ton of money but that is not why I did it. I skipped it because it is unnecessary in the grand plan of his life and he had an broken elbow. So he had to suck it up and move up. Not a bad lesson in life either…
Yes. All of this. The social media piece also is really hard. I have countless friends who’s child has been excluded from some extravaganza. The kids are to little to know, but the parents sure end up with hurt feelings. Last year, we had our 7yo’s party in the backyard with two blow up pools, a hose, and a couple of yard games. We invited 20 children that we ACTUALLY knew. It was straight out of 1983. I had countless comments from parents saying it was the best party they had been to in a long time. There wasn’t any stress. There wasn’t a $300 cake. Just a bunch of little kids playing in the water hose wearing lei’s I bought from Amazon for $5. I think you make a great point about how nothing is special anymore. Going crazy over everything from the very beginning eliminates any type of tolerance in regard to waiting. And, let’s face it, we spend our whole damn lives waiting on something. In conclusion, screw the haters. Why are they awake at 2am commenting on blog posts anyway? Most good judgement has never been made at 2am. I love your blog!
the Happening Housewife says
Fucking YES! 100% AND I’m guilty of being an over the top decorator but, I do have to say that we request that people do not bring a gift unless they feel absolutely inclined to do so! We have friends that know us well enough at this point that don’t bring gifts bc it’s just too much and we don’t want them to expect anything! we don’t have parties for gifts, we have parties for FUN and fun only! We don’t want all that crap or for our friends to spend their money on toys when they could save for their child’s future, and if they feel they ABSOLUTELY MUST bring a gift, I’ll take a gift card to have dinner with my husband and a babysitting free pass for my kids to spend a couple hours playing with yours! 😉 Seriously, it gets ridiculous. I love to bring gifts to birthdays BUT it’s usually a diy gift basket with some nessecary items like sun screen, boa free soppy cup, some school supplies and things that help the family!
I totally get what you are saying. My three kids are 11,9 and 3 and although I’m guilty of having more parties for them than not they have never been over the top. To be honest, sometimes I just need a fun project to keep me going so the party planning and the hand crafting give me something to look forward to. However, we don’t have parties for every kid every year and you are right, it’s not about the child but about competing with other parents!
Sarah c says
I loved your first post, it was filled with common sense and just resonated with me. And I love a good party!
Life got a bit crazy with work/study/thesis around my child’s 3rd birthday, so I worked out what was important to her;
1. Blowing out candles on a cake- check
2. Seeing her grandparents and aunties (total 5 people, everybody else immediate overseas)- check
3. Eating something yummy (in her case fish and chips, with a small vat of tomato sauce)- check
4. Opening a parcel- check
Did all 4, she loved it, and we all stayed sane.
Keep being yourself, ignore the haters, and continue to share your experience and hard-earned wisdom. And continue to liberally use the f-word!
You rock! Thank you for saying what most of us are thinking.
Heather L says
I just read your blog out loud to my husband and he said, “Hallelujah! I love this lady!” I feel the same way about the trend for birthday parties these days and even get some flack from my daughter’s due to our smaller, more intimate birthday parties. They think they are missing out on something because their friends are having these parties where their entire grade is invited (approx 40 kids). We choose slumber parties with 2-4 kids on average. It insane how out of hand it’s all gotten. And don’t even get me started on kids sports!! Boy, have I got some strong opinions about that issue. Anyhow, thank you for speaking your mind on a bigger level, saying what so many of us are thinking. You’ve earned another faithful follower.
Kate h. says
Thank you for your honesty and straightforwardness! You are so right. I have twin girls that just turned 8. The first four years of their life I thought I had to go all out….but it wasn’t anything they would remember, it was more for the adults. It finally hit me one day….I never got to enjoy them or the party because I was to worried about making everything perfect. They didn’t need fancy decorations or expensive parties. Having their closest friends over for a doll tea party and sleepover was all I did and they all had a blast and so did I.
So, I say fuck fancy and go for being one if the kids! Bad singing, crappy finger nail polish, cheesy poof appetizers and all!
Thanks for sharing your life with us, reassuring your readers that it is ok to be simple and for doing it all with fucking passion and personality!!
Rachel Murphy says
I am totally with you. We have 4 kids and the birthday parties that parents put on now are totally stupid and insane. I refuse to put all that stress on me just because I’m celebrating giving birth to my child, no thanks. And treat bags…you come celebrate my birthday and go home with a treat bag, who the hell came up with that?? I want to smack them!! Parents are teaching their kids this entitlement crap and they don’t even recognize it. I totally agree with your original post with the schedule of birthday parties!!
Keep up the good work and don’t stop just because of the haters!!
“made out like crazy”……because we all have mcmansions to store all that stuff.
The whole trying to top one another is stupid. The bragging….the “I did THIS…what did YOU do?” mentality is just…..dumb.
No one cares. Your kid doesn’t care. Seriously. Doesn’t care.
I don’t remember one birthday party….not one of them (we had a few…I have the pictures to prove it….just neighborhood kids…pin the tail on the donkey type parties)
You want to know what memories I have from my childhood? My mother….spending one on one time with me. I can go back to 1st grade with my memories of spending time with my mom doing special stuff (and my dad….my dad was king of “lets get dessert first and if you are still hungry we can get dinner after”….and yes, they were married and remained married for 45+ years…it wasn’t a case of “Disney dad syndrome”)
not your average mom says
I was wondering when you were going to chime in 😉
Misty king says
Good Lord, Amen Amen AMEN!! I’ll take your shitty judgemental blog post, and sing it’s praises sister. Not all of us have lost touch with the things that matter, and we appreciate someone who isn’t afraid to point it out. Thank you, and you keep on keepin on. Haters gonna hate. Potatoes gonna potate.
Chuck E. Cheese.. Fuck that noise. I’ve never stepped foot in a Chuck E Cheese in my LIFE. Once I had kids, my mom admitted that’s because she politely declined any invitations we may have received for that particular establishment. I fully plan to do the same for my young. “Uhhh, sorry guys, we have a thing that day. Shoot!”
Although… I do have parties for year one. Not super extravagant, and I admit that it’s a party for my having survived the first year and not necessarily for the baby.
I think The comment that probably bugged me the most that you mentioned was “made out like crazy”. Since when did celebrating the birth of your child start become a contest of who gets more??? My favorite birthday that my son had was his 12th. We took a few kids to play laser tag. He had seen a commercial for Ronald McDonald house on tv and had me contact the local facility to find out what they needed. He requested donations for RMH for his birthday instead of gifts. We shouldn’t just be celebrating our children, but teach them to celebrate others. That’s what life is about.
OMG, God bless you woman for writing this!! Lol!! I’ve just had one of the shittiest days; the kind of day where my ‘Super-mommy-baromiter’ dug itself a grave, willfully jumped into the grave & screamed “fuck it all!” …..apparently me getting annoyed, losing patience & becoming an asshole because my twin boy toddlers are annoyed ALL the time, have ZERO patience resulting tantrums, throwing shit, hitting, pinching crying & screaming at such high pitche levels that they could shatter glass, yup…two more assholes, then the dog ate our dinner, another asshole. Then the man-tard I married, a whole new version of the assholian species.
So right before reading this I’ve been overwhelmed with the infamous ‘Mommy guilt’ because, well…ya know, I’m an asshole who behaved like an asshole.
After reading this, not so Mich about the bday party stuff, bit about how you handled it. Your words are funny and true and connect with people….well, most people.
There’s alotta stupid people out there. (I’m sure you’ve figured that out already)
So, thank you for making me laugh and for not feeling so much like the guilt ridden asshole mom that I was today! Cheers!! 🙂
I think you said it perfectly!
My husband and I have 8 children and we decided a few years ago to quit doing birthday parties. Instead, we do something with just us and our 8 kids.
It’s WAY cheaper, less stressful, and is all about the birthday child. We have fun together as a family while making the birthday child feel special. Plus, like you said, we are teaching our children appreciation and gratefulness. I am sick of the entitlement that kids these days seem to carry around.
What I tell my kids: the world doesn’t owe you anything, but you owe the world something.
My kids range from 2 to 16 and we always have a party for the first birthday. Some of my kids’ birthdays are close together and we might do a double party if we decide we want to throw one, but mostly we keep it among our family (no aunts, uncles, grandparents) just me, my hubby, and our kids.
Our kids do NOT lack the feeling special part. That comes every day.
Thank you for your honesty!
What I’ve learned is haters are gonna hate no matter what so please just keep the honesty rolling.
um, yes. All of this! I LOVE reading about your kids bday parties and although i don’t do all that much for my kids bdays, they don”expect” more than they need. You’re spot on with all of that. But that’s the problem with the women of the world. Can’t seem to support each other in our decisions to parent differently, and always got to keep up with the jones’ even though we all know the jones’ are broke.
Donna George says
I remember my 10th birthday. The only kind of celebration we had until we were 16 was a family party. But I remember that birthday because it was the year I got a Mickey Mouse radio! It was my favorite gift EVER!! We had cake and ice cream, and my family sang happy birthday to me. THAT’S what I remember. All these crazy over the top birthdays are ridiculous! And the goody bags filled with crap I throw away when I get home? Don’t get me started.
So when I had kids, I always keep it low key. My first year after adopting my daughter (she was turning 8), we invited over 3 of her friends to spend the night and decorate white shoes. She still remembers that birthday because she was treated so special, not that we spend a jillion dollars on her.
You keep doing you, because you are AWESOME!!
another view says
While I agree that we as parents are escalating every tidbit of our child’s lives and feeling pressure, I disagree with your generalization. YOU might not like to through parties and craft but I like to. My kids have fun and so do their friends. By Mommy shaming you are helping no one. I don’t ask Moms who enjoy/are good at baking to stop baking with their kids because I don’t want to feel pressured to bring baked goods to their events. Each parent enjoys different things with their child AND really your feelings about parties are your problem.I shouldn’t feel guilty about it. Before having kids I was an event planner. I like it. I talk with them about, which games they like, should we do balloons and what flavor cake, etc. The build up is most of the fun for us. I’d prefer to support my fellow moms and friends in whatever they enjoy doing with the kids (as long as the kids like it) and would appreciate the same respect. You spend your time writing a blog. I use my time planning fun parties/play dates. Other moms may spend it cooking with their kids or playing piano or whatever. To each there own. I don’t feel bad about what others do.
The difference here is that the crazy over the top parties are not just between parent and child, they affect many other parents and children. What you do in your home in terms of projects with your children is personal–parties are public, involve time, money and pressure for others. Part of the message here is that parents need to consider others more.
This isn’t Mommy Shaming. It’s calling out for people to stop living in unnecessary excess. This is putting thing into perspective. It’s about simplicity.
My first little guy first birthday was an insane huge blowout bash that I was stressed out of my mind about. I was so worked up that when my best friend got injured while helping me assmble some of the decorations and had to go to the ER, all I could think about was when she was going to get back because we still had stuff to do before the party started…in two days. I was selfish. I was trying to do all the things for my baby who would never even remember the damn party.
After that party, which I did not enjoy, I realized that things needed to be simpler. While I still love creating elaborate desserts, because I know people will enjoy them, I’m not going crazy with tons of kids and crazy amounts of decorations. My one year old didn’t remember the bunting and the carnival games and the build your own hot dog bar and the handmade prize ribbons and the homemade jam in six different flavors. But at his second, he remember the balloons and the simple streamers and the tasty cupcakes and runing around with his cousins and friends.
No one is Mommy Shaming in this post. In fact, you are. You are telling someone that their feelings on the subject are unfounded and unwanted and that is absolutly untrue. The Birthday Guidelines blog post is something that needs to be said. It’s telling all those women trying and failing to create Pinterest worthy parties that it’s okay not to try so damn hard. Some people are equipped for it, but feel pressured to try. That’s what shameful.
I have always had a big blowout party for my children’s and now my grandsons first birthday. After that it’s just family and a few close friends. When they got to school there was always a lot of pressure to have parties and invite the entire class because nobody wants to hurt anyone else’s feeling by not inviting them. I gave up! I am new to reading your blog and I love it! Keep up the great writing. Fuck the negative people. They’re all assholes raising spoiled brats.
Wow, you are amazing. I am sick of people thinking I am grumpy and cynical, etc for saying everyone should not get a trophy, everyone should not win, and we are all too quick to solve our kids problems for them. I am really afraid for this generation.
I graduated preschool in 1975. Had a full blown graduation complete with cap and gown and a walk across the stage for our diploma, so that’s nothing new. I also had a birthday party every year. Rented out skating rinks, slumber parties, whatever I wanted- invited the whole class. This year, my little guy finished preschool. Nothing. No cap and gown and no diploma ceremony. Just cap and gown pics so the school can make money when we buy the overpriced pictures. And yes, of course I bought them. I never buy any school pictures but I bought those! And he started having full blown birthday parties with everyone invited at age 4. I don’t think things are necessarily getting blown out of proportion, it’s just the life you choose to live. To each their own. If you don’t like it, don’t partake.
People. I swear… I am the “cheap” “insufficient” party mom in my circle of friends. Not only were my son’s first and second birthday “parties” both BBQs with 1-2 families, they were a blast and he couldn’t have cared less if I blew hundreds of dollars and invited 15 other kids. I did the closest thing to a party this past weekend (a BBQ – again – at the park with some self made “games” from the dollar store) and I felt stressed, between my SIL coming into town the night before and having to buy all the food (only four families, but 24 people… I have jack rabbits for friends), and make up these retarded games that the kids didn’t even “play” anyway… Psh. That did it for me. I’ve always said I think it’s ridiculous to go all out, ESPECIALLY for the younger ages where they couldn’t give a rats ass who is there or how much money you spent on party favors (I didn’t have those either). Blowing a wod of money and inviting people just to make a party does not make it a celebration of your child’s life. Making special memories (the cheap-o streamer shit hanging from his bedroom doorway was the highlight of his birthday.. And the balloons, of course) is what matters. Eat dog poo, dumb-dumbs…. Life exists outside of material things.
Is it nice when a lot of people show up to my son’s birthdays parties and he gets lots of gifts? Of course it is. I’ve had several people say that they don’t have money for a gift so they won’t be coming. My typical response is, “I understand, and don’t worry about getting a gift. We’d still like you to come.” For me it’s about celebrating with people you care about. I’m a Newby to your posts on fb but I FUCKING love what I’ve read so far. You have to be real BUT with a sense of humor when it comes to parenting. Keep up the good work.
You fucking rock. Love the blog. I read your posts and it’s exactly what I would say. And more often than not, I have said it!! So keep saying fuck and good luck on more site hits!!!
Please keep doing what you are doing Susie!!
We had a joined birthday party for my son’s and his best friend’s 2nd birthday since they are one day appart. We had it in some kind on indoor playground with a tonn of slides, trampolines etc..
We bought party favors, made cakes and cupcakes, spent hours icing that shit, invited their entire class and our friends with their kids.
In the end it cost us about 200$ each and you know what? The cupcakes made a mess, the kids kept running around on their own and each parent had to follow them around (2 yr olds…). I think the kids had a great time on their own, but it didnt feel special to me.
This year? Party at home with just our close friends and maybe our family if they can fly accross, cake and old school games!
It was good enough for us growing up, we didnt turn up too bad did we?
Well said, well said!!! Kudos to you! YOU ROCK! keep your chin up, your thoughts coming and your eyes facing forward.
You are so right on! With 4 kids I vowed years ago to only do parties for the BIG birthdays! Instead we focus on picking an experience that the bday kid would enjoy. Since memories are waaay more valuable.
Just reading your blog for the first. LOVE IT! Could you please, please, please, next address Teacher Appreciation/Gifts?? Is it just KY, please tell me it has gotten out of control everywhere! Teachers at our school have “wish lists” on Amazon, receive lavish Christmas, Valentine’s Day and Birthday gifts, and don’t even get me started on the entire week devoted to Teachers doing their job, a job they get paid for! Oh and don’t let us forget the last day of school gift….INSANITY!!! Bring on the haters, but my husband goes to work every single day and no one appreciates him (well except us!!). It is out of control!! Looking forward to reading more of your blog!!
The people who say children “deserve” birthday parties are the ones who are raising entitled brats, and are also the parents who think everyone should get a trophy just for showing up.
Let’s see who ends up the more appreciative, loving and understanding adults…
Life is about more than whoever had the biggest birthday party when they were 5.
and thanks for being…
such a great mom.
I have been saying this for years! My daughter didn’t get a party for her second birthday and all of the other mommies I know we’re shocked! I’m pretty sure my daughter will not remember it, so I would rather celebrate her with our family, the people who really love and cherish her.
And don’t get me started on goody bags…
Like you, I don’t give my kids big parties for every birthday and I don’t do it for the same reasons as you, I don’t want them to expect it. There are far too many entitled children and adults out there and I refuse to contribute to it. I didn’t have huge parties growing up and neither did my friends and we all turned out fine. Don’t let the crappy commenters bother you, you have your priorities straight, they don’t and it’s going to come back to haunt them in the later years!
The only way to even begin to accurately describe how I feel about this post (and the post this is about) is to say: LOVE IT!!! I don’t have kids (yet), and I’m not “old enough” to know what “the good ol’ days” were like. But I do know that the BEST and my MOST FAVORITE birthday party I ever had was when I turned 16. I had 5 girlfriends over, we were excited out of our brains to have unlimited soda and pizza. We got to hear ourselves on the radio and get a birthday request song played. We giggled our butts off when my Dad let us buy 2 movies off on demand (probably inappropriate movies but it was my 16th and my Dad let me feel special and adulty by not restricting my choices). And we played with a hose and water ballons. Thats it. It was one of the happiest moment of my childhood. And it probably cost less than $200. (Plus, at 16, Id much rather spend moeny on a car than a party!)
I think people need to remember that you arent a heartless blog posting robot. You’re a real person, with real feelings, who is allowed to express her thoughts without feeling Judged.
I never went to prom. i didn’t get a “promposal”, or a pretty dress, or my hair done. It sucks, BUT you better believe I am gonna appreciate and enjoy the crap out of my wedding day! One of the things that will make that day even more special is that fact that i haven’t gotten that before, ever.
My wedding day will be the first day I get an expensive dress, hair and make up, pictures and a party. That really makes is freakin special man, at least I think it does. And it is thanks to my parents for not over doing and over giving. They taught me to appreciate the special things I get when I get them because THEY WERE ACTUALLY SPECIAL AND NOT EVERDAY “NEEDS”. It really makes for more well-rounded people. And this world really needs more well rounded people, and less excess.
You Fucking inspire me. Literally!
You have a wonderful voice of reason (even with the f bomb exploding regularly!) I was raised & raised my 4 that birthday party guests equaled your age. So at 4 you invited 4 friends. Now I had twins, boy/girl, so their parties were larger but things like going to the pond & played & cooked out. The most extravagant was combined with a moving party & we had girls vs boys old fashioned games like ice in tshirts races, egg tosses, watermelon seed spitting & chocolate pudding slip n slide. I now have a grandaughter & her 1st birthday was spent quietly with her parents. No party, no hoopla. Thank heavens her mother is this way! Thanks for being a voice of reason, know there are lots of us out there who think like you do, but because we don’t believe in excess we aren’t as visible as the over the toppers!
You have your shit together! Ignore the hateful comments. Why does celebrating your child’s life have to involve blowing lots of money on a party? I’m guilty of having a few big parties for my son. I admit it was for my benefit, but after waiting 4 years to become a parents (via adoption finally) I want to have a party everyday celebrating my son! This year though, for his 8th birthday he wants a mad scientist party (I’m a former chemist turned science teacher so I should be able to make this super fun!). It’s just going to be a few of his friends at the house. While it will be more work for me than a chuck e cheese type party…. he will certainly remember this one and it will certainly cost less! I can’t believe people are attacking you for expressing your opinion! Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I for one agree with your take on things!
Carlos Eduardo Queso’s is hell on earth. I’m with you. This kid business is getting out of control. Thanks for your honesty.
I fucking love your blog!
Opinions are like assholes. Everybody has one, and if we all had the same opinion, the world would be a boring place. So fuck the people that want to spend an astronomical amount on their kids. They’re raising mini-assholes that will grow up bitching about everything and feel they are entitled to every little thing. Think Dudley from the Harry Potter series.
I know I’m not raising mini-assholes. I’m raising well-rounded, fun loving children that will know the value of family. Money can’t buy that.
Crissy Fiset says
Hi, I saw this post on FB this morning and I can’t get it out of my head. I came across your blog posts by accident a few weeks ago and I’ve taken to reading your posts on FB. I don’t usually read blogs. I only have two kids, but I’m a full-time teacher and I just don’t really care all that much for everyone else’s baggage. And I never comment. Ever. I like a lot of posts but I feel like what I have to say is probably redundant of every other comment anyway, so why bother? But I can’t help it this morning. I didn’t read the birthday guidelines post the other day… but I read the birthday letter to number 4 (?) and it brought me to tears. Then I saw this post this morning and I was curious about what I’d missed. I think you are bang on with this post. It’s about over-the-top excessiveness that is permeating all aspects of our lives and we just need to get real. I could tell you what we do for birthdays (like so many others have done), but it doesn’t really matter. It’s our family’s way of doing things and I’m okay with it. My kids are happy kids. Mostly, I just wanted to say to you that I think you have the right attitude and outlook on things in life, and that I love the voice you write with. It feels genuine to me and it’s entertaining, and I look forward to more from you. I know you’re probably already bouncing back from the negative, but still, I just wanted to say, don’t let the ignorant and misguided get you down, girl. YOU. ARE. AWESOME. 🙂
Fuck yes!! My kids always got a party when they were young but it was always reasonable and we only invited the kids that they actually played with. I can’t imagine inviting the whole class just for the sake of my kids “making out like crazy”. My kids have grown up knowing that they are valued but have always understood that over-the-top parties are not what make them feel that way. My son is graduating high school and, when one of his friends suggested renting a limo at $150 each kid, my son said “no way, how wasteful”. He’d rather get a ride with his dad. I’ve raised that kid right!!
As a mother of 3 (ages 24, 26, & 30) I applaud you and your blog/posts! I remember the stress that so many of my friends were having just filling “goody bags”. We did have a couple of “big” birthdays at the skating rink when the kids were much older however we always limited the total number of friends invited. I am so happy that I’ve found your blog even though my kids are all grown.
My 4 kids are just into the adult years. We had family get togethers every year until they were 10 as a compromise with family who thought they needed to be part of the each and every birthday and a party was necessary. My kids knew when they were 10 the parties would end and they would have one as a teen they could choose, otherwise it was immediate family, a friend or two and a simple experience. I think it is important to also teach them the reason for not having the big parties. My kids knew why we did them for the first 10 years and they knew why they were downplayed. Unfortunately too many people get these massive celebrations and then grow up to have people forget their birthday as adults or they have to go to work on their birthday and people are too busy to go for wings or whatever and they are sad because it wasn’t a ‘great’ birthday. As you said, it becomes entitlement and it is NOT healthy. Same with kindergarten graduation and grade 6 and 9 and 12. Big deal, everyone graduates those younger years and most people from grade 12. The expense of the grade 9 and 12 grads is crazy. My daughter graduated with a post secondary diploma and didn’t even go to that grad because she isn’t done school and she didn’t think it was that big of deal. Her wedding on the other hand was beautiful and there were lots of people but she kept within a reasonable budget. It was about the people there to celebrate and it was done well but not crazy because being a princess is great, but it isn’t the rest of a persons life. People are so focused on “letting kids be kids” or focussing on the time they are kids that they forget that being a kid for 18 years is preparation for being an adult for 60 to 80 years. And making your kids feel special or having a sense of self worth, doesn’t cost money or take a tremendous amount of time; it takes being there as a parent day in and day out, teaching them to be an adult.
We lived in a different city when my girls were smaller – and the birthday parties were insanity. I spent way too much money on presents for kids I didn’t know at all (and more importantly – my kids didn’t know very well). We moved to a small town in their 3rd grade year. They are 13 now and I can honestly say that the friends they have here have VERY modest birthday parties. For the most part, the kids themselves plan them. I buy a few snacks, pizza or finger foods for dinner, maybe a few decorations or supplies to make them. That’s it. Easy Peasy. I LOVE IT. Cheap and they have such great fun. And the gifts they give and receive? Mostly little bags w/ dollar store treasures (candy, bracelets, hair accessories, etc.) Again, cheap, but fun.
Don’t listen to these self-important blowhards. You are treasuring the most important things in life – and those cannot be bought for any price.
Well said!! I agree with everything! Love reading your blog everyday! Keep it up….love how real you are.
kathy kirstner says
my son’s birthday is in may – he is now 22 and never had a birthday party anywhere other than our home — throw 2-3 boys in the back yard and they have a great time. the best was when they camped in the back yard — he has grown into a good human despite have never “made out like crazy” on his birthday — people need to get over themselves and their kids.
L Scharf says
I could not fucking agree more.
i could not agree more!
Well said. Both this post and your birthday post.
I’m in the camp that “gets it”. I’m tired of the bigger is better, everyone is a winner, over the top attitude out there.
Our only daughter will be 5 years old next week. For a variety of reasons we did not have a party for her last year when she turned four. I felt bad, but not wracked with guilt that I deprived her of some birthday right of passage.
This year she had the choice of a bowling/pizza party with 5 of her school friends (yes just 5, not the whole damn class), a close family get together of grandparents/godparents etc… or a special day out with mom and dad.
She was intent on the bowling party for a while but chose the family/friends get together instead. We picked out a grand total of $9.60 worth of stuff from the dollar store for decorations last week and have told her the morning of the party we can go to the grocery store and she can pick whatever cake from the display she likes.
Do we have the means to provide something more extravagant? Yes, we probably do, will we? Definitely not. She is over the moon with the plan so far and anything more would just be useless overindulgence.
Kids don’t need it and neither do we. Simplify and enjoy the moments that matter.
My husband doesn’t normally get to share weeknights alone with our daughter as I am always home and she requests I complete the bed time routine with her. Last night I had occasion to be out, he said he got tears in his eyes as he sat beside her bed and read from her prayer book as he doesn’t usually get the chance to do it.
That is the shit that matters, moments like those you should cherish, not $5000 parties or the haul of gifts your kid scored at a party.
Keep on writing, there are lots of us out there that hear you loud and clear
Like, like like, like!
I’m not a mom. But I fucking love you. Keep up the good work.
I just want to say I Fucking applaud you for this post. Im with you about huge ridiculous fucking blown out of control birthday parties. They are ridiculous and as a regular follower of this blog screw all the haters! You go girl!
D May says
It’s truly bizarre that some parents equate love with throwing ridiculous over the top parties in germ laden places.
I have three children. My husband died when I was 7.5 months pregnant. We have never equated love with anything materialistic. The things that my children need and want come from love and feeling loved. Have they received gifts? Yes. But they were add ons to what was happening for their birthday. The focus has always been laughing and talking about other birthdays, celebrations, and experiences. We’ve spent numerous birthdays just the four of us and had the time of our lives. (Not to toot our own horn but we’re all pretty amusing 🙂 )
If you can’t find simple happiness in your family and if you can’t find a way to make your child feel special on their birthday simply by being there, you might have some deeper problems than just over the top parties.
(My kids are now 12, 14, and 19. They still love hanging out in smaller groups with a few good friends. They have never once said anything about a lack of birthday parties or gifts)
Love it and love your blog!
My problem with your least favorite comment wasn’t that her child made out like crazy. It was that they bought 6 pizzas for FIFTY children and families. How does that even work?! How do all those people even get to eat? If you’re going to invite that many people, and not even buy your own child presents but rely on others to do so, the least you can do is feed the people!
And this is why I deleted my Facebook–because I couldn’t keep up with the over the top mommy war bullshit. Oh, you document every single second of every single creative amazing thing you do with your 2 year old? Fuck that shit. It was actually making me feel like a shitty mom that I didn’t want to teach my 6 year old to knit. I believe less is more. If I could get rid of everything I own and live in a tiny house I would do that. Children don’t need a bunch of shit. They don’t. I have never been to Chuck E Cheese before and I have no intention of ever going, You’re my blog hero. I ought to swing by your house and bring you some fucking muffins for being fucking awesome.
Barb Wong says
You spoke the truth! Thanks for sharing what a lot of Moms think! You Go Mom!
I fucking LOVE your blog. I just wish you had written the birthday one about a week earlier – it would have saved me from the stress of having a party for my 4 who was turning 8.
Awesome post! Agree whole heartedly!
Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! for saying what needs to be said. To bad the people who need to hear it won’t. They will raise self, entitled brats with no appreciation for the good things in life. None of which are material things. My brother once said he was glad we did not grow up with much money. It gave us a respect for money and hard work. I have great memories of doing things with my family without a ton of money.
Monica Boothe says
Susie, as always thank you for sharing your opinion and being honest. I couldn’t agree with you more on so many levels. As for people’s toxic opinion about you, fuck them! I mean it. You have a blog. I love love love your blog. But even if I didn’t , it doesn’t matter because it’s your blog. If you share your opinion and people disagree, that is one thing. However, if you share your opinion and people feel the need to attack you, FUCK THEM! They don’t deserve any energy getting upset. They don’t know you. And it sounds like they are judgmental and toxic. Thank you for sharing your honest opinions. I appreciate your honesty and look forward to your blogs. Have a great day!
One post is enough for me to know this isn’t the blog for me. Throwing around the f-bomb like a teenager sneaking smokes in the high school bathroom doesn’t make you cool. Begrudgingy others who choose to celebrate their child is petty and cranky. Get over it.
I love you and I seriously wish we could be friends! Thanks for keepin it real! I say this in a gentle and peaceful way, fuck the haters!
Absolutely agree with you 100%!!my 15yr old has a high school graduation ring already ??? Umm not graduated yet !!! They do them in 9th grade, how dumb is this!! I phones for 11yr old and younger kids , seriously !! I think it is to make the parents look cool not cause the kids really want the stuff !! Parents are so materialistic I could throw up ! New cars for 16 yr olds to drive … Nothing is earned these days and we wonder why majority of kids don’t respect anyone in the adult relmn let alone themselves ! No chores are bestowed upon kids either and they come and go as if they are 20 yr olds who live on their own … The way they talk to people and their parents I would have been knocked into another century had I acted like that. So anyone that blasted your blog is way off course !!
Marilee Boothe says
After reading all these posts I realize that maybe there is hope. My kids are 21 and 18 and I don’t remember a whole lot about their birthdays. I now have (at age 45) a 9 month old baby boy so I am starting over. When my older kids were growing up we lived on Air Force bases all over the world and military people tend to keep things pretty simplified. We moved alot so we didn’t have all the shit that gets accumulated over the years. Now that we have retired from the Air Force and are settled, we will be starting the whole birthday cycle over again with our little one. I am SO GLAD to see the common sense and simplified attitude of some parents. Maybe there is hope for the next generation. Susie and the moms that are commenting here are ROCK STARS!!!
Stacie Dale says
You are a sane person. They are insane people. F – ’em.
Bloody awesome post. Wish I’d tapped into your blog long time ago! Many a moon spent in Chuck E. Cheese…at least they have skee-ball!!
CASEY MILLER says
I am a new mom- my little girl is almost 3 months old. I struggle with anxiety/depression. Your blog has been like a breath of fresh air! I read and laugh at every new post or picture. Thank you for being fucking awesome!
Your post was on point. Your blog is great. I can’t believe that post attracted so much negative attention, but since my daughter is only 7 months old, I guess I haven’t been exposed to the crazy world of kids’ birthday parties yet. I’m grateful that your perspective is out there, because those people (especially the Pizza Hut mom) are idiots, and need to get the fuck office of Pinterest. The worst thing is that their kids are going to feel incredibly entitled. Keep on keepin on!
Ruthie Kelbly says
Thank you for saying it like it is! I appreciate your point of view. Sometimes I think the world is going to he’ll in a hand basket. You are a breath of fresh air.
I just wanted to de-lurk to say you are awesome. I’ve been reading your blog for the past year and am always impressed with your views on parenting, marriage and life. Please keep on writing. So sad and pathetic when commenters get nasty and rude. Cowardly behaviour which they likely wouldn’t say face to face or if their names were made public. Looking forward to continuing to read your blog. Take care.
You are my hero. I am a 58 year old Mom, who couldnt agree with you more. I laugh , relate, and share your blog ALL the time.
Sopt on… you hit it . Keep strong, kids are overrated, but we cant stop loving them, no matter what <3
Heather Avery says
Last year after my twins had their 3rd birthday party, we had a blast. BUT, I didn’t really get to enjoy them. This year we are doing a hotel for the night with a pool and it is just the 4 of us. We will stop by my parents for cake, sing happy birthday, but that’s it. We want to be with them. I don’t want to fret over others having a good time. I’ve done it for three years and after their last party I made a promise to actually enjoy them. Anyway, thank you for telling folks what we often think, but don’t often say. Love your blog.
I say to each their own. I don’t love the big, over the top, Pinterest parties but that is because I didn’t grow up with that type of celebration. I sometimes feel pressure to do that for my kids, but I survived without them and always felt loved and appreciated on my birthday. I think if you can accomplish those two things it doesn’t matter what you do. Big party, small party or even no party at all. The hard part is once a lot of kids see the over the top parties, they want them and its not always feasible for everyone. I say let the haters hate and keep doing your thing. That is why I love your blog so much. You keep it real!
Amen sisterella!! Next piece suggestion: The Prom-posal?!? WTF? This just awful. I guy can’t just say hey your smart & cute & id love to go to prom if you want to…he has to rent doves & singers to “prom-pose”. AYFKM?
I do not swear a lot…that is just who I am. However, I have NEVER taken offense to anything that has been written on this Blog. If I did, I could have unsubscribed. Simple as that. People are crazy and out of control. I will admit we were guilty, my two kidlets had crazy 1st Birthdays but I quickly asked ‘Why?’ As for these people who are criticizing you about being real/unreal….block them from your Blog! They don’t deserve to hear your insight and convictions that are helping so many people.
I’m pretty certain we’d be best friends if we lived closer. I love what you write and how you write. keep up the good work!
Thank you for your candid words. I love your blog and perspectives. I read your birthday party post when I was in the middle of planning my youngest’s second birthday party. It made me stop, scrap everything, and rethink what my priorities were. We had a simple, small party with just the family and it was a huge success. It also only cost about $150, food included. The kids had a great time, the adults were relaxed, and I even enjoyed myself, a rarity. Thank you so much for all you do to alleviate “mommy guilt” and make this world a more livable place.
Thank you for writing and putting yourself out there. As a mom with similar views, I often feel like I’m the only one who thinks that way…on Long Island anyway. 😉
Gloria Rumberger says
Susie, I love you. I love that you have grips on reality and values and that you’re sharing those with your children to make them the folks we’re going to need in the future.
Hang in there. We need you.
Beautifully worded, well said. Totally agree. If include outsiders to a family b-day party, it is usually 2 or 3 of your best pals & we take them to a movie & ice cream. Plus limits all the stupid gifts that my kids usually don’t like anyway.
Girl, you are freaking amazing! Perfectly said!
D. Leigh says
Excellent read. So glad to have found your dead on, well spoken points about what makes our kids feel special… and ps. its not the $400 Arendale replica birthday cake. I pass no judgement on those who can and do shell out that kind of money to hire a cake designer, but I expect no judgement in return when I cut you up a piece of a round box-mix cake that I let my kids decorate themselves with $3 worth of drug store candy. The struggle is real, yo, and you have nailed it for all of us to read, nodding our heads and silently mouthing “fuck yea” so our kids can’t hear us. Thank You.
I enjoy reading your blog – and laugh out loud sometimes – but never did I think I had to agree with everything you say (mostly I do, but not always) or that my agreement or approval should influence what you write. It’s YOUR blog, and readers can read it or not, agree or disagree. You give me something to think about, another point of view (and it’s funny!!). If someone wants to read a blog that completely and solely expresses only their opinions and thoughts, maybe they should write their own blog.
No one needs a big blowout birthday party! I hate that MTV show ‘Sweet Sixteen’, I feel that catapulted the whole birthday explosion. My daughter is having a simple birthday party and in exchange my husband and I only got her two simple gifts (one of those will basically become a family gift). She’s excited to spend time with friends she rarely plays with outside of school because her school isn’t in our neighborhood. Sometimes simple can be more meaningful.
As a mum of 7 kids, I really feel you. I could have written this myself. Probably not as well, but yesssssss 🙂
not your average mom says
hahahaha — thanks Anna!