99 Days

I quit drinking on July 3, 2017. Over eight years ago.

But I haven’t been totally sober since then.

Over the last five years I started smoking weed on and off.

In the last two years the off parts started getting shorter and the on parts started getting longer.

I have a hard time with moderation in many areas, and that is definitely one of them.

On July 3rd, 2025 I committed to stop smoking weed.

It hasn’t been as tough as I thought it would be.

Until recently.

The first week was challenging.

Then things got easier.

But this last week they’ve gotten worse.

I’ve had a rough couple days.

I’m frustrated and a little angry.

I also haven’t been sleeping well, and I’ve been crying kind of a lot.

And I’ve been thinking about smoking way more than usual.

The kids aren’t here this weekend, I have no swim meets or obligations, and the thought of some instant relief is very appealing.

LIKE VERY APPEALING.

I have rationalized why “just once” would be okay at least a dozen times today.

But I have 99 days under my belt.

99 days is a big deal.

I’ve made it through hard stuff before.

If I can keep my focus on Future Me and how disappointed I’ll be tomorrow if I cave, I will make it.

But today I’m also focusing on this version of me:

She is counting on me to stick it out.

She is counting on me to be comfortable with being uncomfortable.

All I had to do was make it to 8 pm tonight because everything closes at 8.

It’s 8:12 pm.

I made it.

Future Me is now present me.

Past Me is now present me.

And every version of me is gonna wake up pretty psyched tomorrow, because we all made it to Day 100.