Yesterday was 27 months with no alcohol.
That is a statement I didn’t ever really envision myself typing. Or saying.
I was not a daily drinker and often I wasn’t really even a weekly drinker.
Not since becoming a parent, anyway.
But when I drank, I DRANK.
All or nothing, baby.
Even as a mom though, I had a reputation as a party girl.
I didn’t go out that often, but when I did I had as much fun as possible.
It was fun in the moment.
Then next day when I couldn’t remember everything I did the night before and when I felt like a big, steaming pile of dog doo, that was not so much fun.
When I had more than one glass of wine in me (which was most of the time I drank because who the hell stops at one glass of wine???) I also had trouble managing my emotions, and the chances of me having a blowout with my husband were dramatically increased.
That was not fun either.
You know what the hardest part of stopping drinking has been?
Changing my identity.
I used to identify as the life of the party. I was the funny one. The loud one. The uninhibited one.
Get a couple drinks in me and I’d do pretty much anything.
The higher the shock value, the better.
I prided myself on that. Big time!
Now that I’ve had some time away from the drinking and the drunk moms nights out and the 4th of July parties and everything else I associated with booze, I realize I lacked so much self-confidence. Even two years ago.
I thought I needed to be that over-the-top person to get people’s attention and admiration.
I definitely got attention.
I might have gotten some admiration.
I also pissed people off and embarrassed myself a whole bunch of times.
I didn’t want to do that anymore.
And I was ready to change my identity. It was hard at first.
But one thing that helped me was declaring that I was not a drinker.
Not that I had quit drinking. That would make me a drinker who stopped. I’d still be identifying as drinker. A retired drinker.
When people offer me a beer or a glass of wine now, I tell them I don’t drink. Because I don’t.
My identity has changed now.
Now I’m the girl who takes care of herself.
I don’t drink. I exercise daily. Not because I’m chasing my pre-kid body but because I want to take care of my current body. I try to get adequate sleep. I move out of my comfort zone.
This no drinking is not well-received by everyone. Some people don’t get it.
And that’s okay. I’m at the place now where I believe what other people think of me is none of my business.
I like my new identity!
And I think not drinking is pretty badass.
I wouldn’t have said that 28 months ago.
But I’m pretty happy to be saying it now.