1) I saw Titanic.
2) They ruin other peoples’ vacations.
I went on vacation to Puerto Rico a couple years ago, and I took a trip into Old San Juan. My day was ruined by the world’s largest cruise ship which docked there.
You know when you go to the beach and all of the sudden fifteen busloads of kids pull into the parking lot on a field trip and 300 kids come screaming out of the bus and then they all sit within seven inches of you?
3. I’ve seen the statistics.
Cruise ships flush obscene amounts of poop into the ocean.
4. Fish Extenders
What the fuck is a fish extender?
Well if you go on a Disney cruise, apparently there’s a little fish next to your door which is used to hold receipts and invitations and stuff.
And now people hang these long, personalized pocket things down from these fish.
Hence the term fish extenders.
And people put stuff in your fish extender as a little surprise each day.
A Secret Santa for people you don’t even know while you are on vacation?When it’s not even Christmas?
A friend of mine asked me if I knew how to sew today.
I asked her why.
She told me she had to make a fish extender.
I replied with the obligatory, What the fuck is a fish extender?
And then she directed me to multiple Pinterest sites devoted specifically to crafting your own personalized fish extenders.
There are hundreds of them.
I suggested she just cut a row off of one of those plastic shoe holders you hang on the inside of the closet door to which she replied, “Plastic? I don’t think so.”
If a vacation involves a Pinterest craft project, well, then I’ll definitely pass.
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