I try to keep things pretty G-rated in front of the kids.
I am pretty good about monitoring the television shows they watch.
I don’t think the younger kids have seen even one PG-13 movie yet.
And I also try to keep a handle on the music they listen to.
So last week, when Number 4 and I were waiting for the elevator and she dropped her first f-bomb in front of me, I had a little panic attack.
She told me that she had learned if from a couple boys on the bus.
I believed her, but a pretty big part of me wondered if I had let one or two random fucks slip under the radar.
Until today.
When Number 3 asked me what the n-word was.
I just looked at him.
I know I have never, ever said that.
“Where did you hear that word?” I asked him.
“ON THE BUS!” Number 4 interjected.
“But what does it mean?” Number 3 persisted.
Ugh.
I was not prepared to answer this one, really.
“Mom, AJ told me it’s what people used to call slaves,” Number 3 continued.
Huh. That was actually not bad.
But before I even had a chance to say anything, Number 4 chimed in.
“What? That’s not the n-word! John sits two seats in front of me and he told me what it means!
THE N-WORD IS NAKED MOTHERFUCKER!”
Oh. My. God.
I guess I’ve been worrying about keeping my kids protected from the wrong things.
Movies aren’t the problem.
Neither is television.
And explicit music? Nah.
But riding on the bus?
Well, that’s a whole different motherfucking story.
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sara says
have you talked with your young ones about slurs? i currently have a housemate who is in his late twenties and he’s a huge fan of hate speech, and seemingly bewildered by my objections. i’d love some advice on how to explain racism to someone not entirely capable of reason. 🙂
not your average mom says
Yes. We talked about it. And we have before. They sort of understand. They understand that the n-word is one of the worst names you could call someone. I don’t think they completely understand why, but they know it’s not an okay word to use. As for your housemate, I don’t know how to go about solving that problem…
Ashley says
I just want to point out. I have two kids. My son is two months and my daughter is almost three years. I DO NOT look forward to explaining things like that to them. I myself swear and yes sometimes I slip up in front of the oldest which is a terrible thing to do because a almost three year old soaks up things like a sponge. . But never do I use the N word. I can only imagine the day she comes up to me and asks me that question if ever…I will probably have a “mini heart attack” as well. And I know that most of the influences she will have will not only be from my husband and I but also with kids at school so I know I need to be prepared for anything once that starts cause you can only control what you do and what you teach but not what other kids do:/
Deanna says
the only way an adult is going to stop using slurs is if he gets his nose busted in when he calls someone a name and even then it’s questionable. You can mold into the adult you want them to be just simply by talking to them about appropriate/inappropriate language. Stupid, Idiot, retard, and dummy are four words NOT allowed in my house (along with the N word). My kids know (because I have told them) that if I ever hear them saying those words or if I hear OF them saying those words, serious repercussions will happen. I also model that behavior by not using them (I also don’t swear in front of them. My 9 year old –up until this year– thought “oh snap!” was the biggest swear out there….and they both come running if they hear me say it…because something rubberneck worthy happened if that comes out of my mouth.
The bus has always been an interesting place because its the one place that they have that is completely unsupervised (except the driver)….They have zero fear of any adult hearing what they are talking about so they tend to “swear it up”
One explanation (if it comes up again) is that in the definition used to be “ignorant person” and that Caucasian people used it in reference to people of color because they thought of them AS ignorant. It is an offensive term to those of color for a number of reasons but mainly because of the history the word carries. Only ignorant people use the term these days.