We finally spoke to the neurosurgeon.
My husband definitely needs surgery. His spinal cord is irreversibly damaged. And there is a lot of pressure on it right now and the pressure needs to be relieved.
He can travel home. The danger is that if he were to get into a car accident or if he were to have a bad fall or something, he’s injured badly enough that something like that could easily paralyze him.
For good.
He’s not in traction or anything. He has one of those collars to immobilize his neck. He’ll need to wear that until he gets operated on.
He had the option of having surgery down here in North Carolina.
But he’d need to stay here for two weeks after surgery, and he’d need to do all of his follow up visits with the doctor down here. And he’d be alone.
(That part might be appealing to him right now 😉 )
So after thinking it over, he’s gonna go back to CT.
We’ll have to get him a plane ticket so he’s not driving 14 or 15 or 16 hours in the car when we leave on Saturday.
Then we can talk to some doctors in CT and have his surgery done close to home.
We are adjusting to the news.
He can’t drive for two weeks after surgery.
He can’t pick up anything more than 5 pounds for two months.
And there is a possibility that he will never regain all the feeling in his hands.
It can take six months to fully recover, so we may not know about that for a while.
So my husband won’t be able to work for a couple months. And if his hands don’t recover, he won’t be able to do carpentry anymore.
So that’s a concern.
It’s a lot for him to digest.
And this is another big hit for us.
Literally, and figuratively.
Of course, it’s a much bigger blow for my husband.
But it definitely could have been much worse. I’m trying to remember that.
Someone commented about how they are surprised that I am maintaining any sort of sense of humor during this.
I don’t see how you can’t maintain a sense of humor during these times.
I mean, how the hell do people get through this shit without finding a way to laugh?
I’m not making light of anything.
But if I don’t make a joke, I’ll fucking lose it.
It’s just my way, I guess. It makes things more bearable.
One more thing.
I mention this on Facebook, but wanted to share with those of you who aren’t on there.
I took the kids to the beach today after I got home from the hospital.
Some of them were excited to go.
Number 2 and 3, after what they went through on Tuesday, were hesitant.
In fact, they wouldn’t even go in the water.
Number 3 said he couldn’t boogie board anymore because he was “afraid he was going to die.”
My heart broke.
A couple people who are also here vacationing and who were at the beach on Tuesday when my husband got hurt came and talked to me and my parents. One was the surfer who immobilized my husband’s head while he was on the sand waiting for the ambulance. Another was a nurse who held his hand and helped to keep him calm. They were concerned and wanted to know how my husband was doing.
They weren’t asking to be nosy. They were asking because they really cared.
It’s a very comforting feeling.
Anyway, Number 2 and 3 were not going anywhere near the water. And that was really bothering me.
I did not want what they witnessed on Tuesday to be their last memory of the beach.
So I grabbed a boogie board and went out into the water.
I rode a bunch of waves with Number 4 who is fucking fearless.
And after a couple rides, Number 2 asked if he could use my board when I was done.
And then Number 3 ran up to our umbrella and grabbed a board.
I caught a few good waves, handed my board over to Number 2, and watched him and Number 3 and 4 do some boogie boarding.
They had so much fun. And their fear was gone.
After a few minutes, a dad walked over to Number 2 out in the water. And he extended his arm out to Number 2 and they shook hands.
I don’t know what he said, but I had an idea.
What happened on Tuesday was a nightmare, but it brought many people on the beach together.
And while it’s terrible, in a fucked up way, it has also brought the kids closer together, too.
We’ve got one more day left.
And we’re going to make the best of it.
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jen says
You know what I took away from this post? There are still so many kind and generous people out there. You hear so many negatives, it’s great to know these people rushed to your aid.
You are in our thoughts
brittany says
Not to draw attention away from your current situation, but if it anyway reassuring I’m going through a very smiliar situation. I admire your strength and courage as your path continues to hit some rough patches. Some days, okay every day, I have to look at my kids and refocus myself to what is important. In the end, they will remember how mom handled herself..and continues doing her job…LOVING THEM! I will continue to keep your family in my prayers.
Melissa says
I just started reading your blog and it’s always so comforting. I just read this and my heart breaks for you all I will pray for your family. Where in ct do you live? We live in ct too and once you return I would love to set up some meal deliveries so you do not have to worry about that aspect. Also I was reading about your vacation and how your parents helped out. We are in the same boat. I thought I was the only one in this type of situation and yes I can be embarrassing so thank you for sharing your story as it comforted me more than you will know.
Elizabeth says
You’re amazing. Simply amazing. That’s all.
Julia says
Ok, so that’s still shit, but it’s an elephant you can eat one bite at a time. And I’m with you…if you don’t laugh you’ll literally lose the plot..and way to go for showing your kids that freak accidents can’t prevent them from ever doing anything AND for allowing them to know that it’s still ok to go out and have fun while their Dad is in hospital because they will have needed your permission to do that. Like everyone else here, I’m checking for updates like I actually know you because I feel like I do! Xxx
Donna says
You’re a great lady Susie, and you have a wonderful family. For the majority, people do care very much–surprisingly sometimes. Enjoy the last day with your little ones, and the best of health to your husband. Take care of yourself! Everyone needs you because you’re very strong–remember that.
Anne says
Please get a second opinion. A lady from our church was on vacation and had a stroke. The docs said she was brain dead and to turn off life support. Her husband took her home to a specialist and she is alive and well today.
Angela says
Children are resilient and they follow by example. The fact that you went into the water and boogie boarded was exactly the nudge they needed to play and swim. I’ll say it again, your family is so very lucky to have you. Your strength, resilience and positive attitude is very inspiring. Praying that your husband also keeps a positive attitude and finds strength to face any challenges that happen. But also praying that the outcome is positive and his recovery very speedy.
julie says
Now I know why your calves are so defined…All that weight you carry on those shoulders need a strong base. 😉 keep being f#&$ing awesome! ( mini me is next to me)
Prayers and luck
Jess says
Hey Susie,
That fucking sucks, but at least you have the right attitude. I’m the woman who drove an hour to hear your presentation at the library. I don’t know which doctor you were thinking about using but a few years ago I had to have 3 brain surgeries. My neurosurgeon was AMAZING. His name is Dr.Tomak and he works out of New Haven, CT. Not sure if this is helpful but thought you may appreciate at least 1 name to start off with. Enjoy your vacation.
Jodi says
A bittersweet vacation for sure. Hope you all totally made the best of your last day. A whirlwind of worries and questions and emotions will surround you for days to come, but you keep laughing in spite of it all and sometimes that is all you can do. Sending many prayers to you and your family.
Jenny B says
You’re positive attitude is amazing. You are never giving up and that is so refreshing. Praying for your family.
Nicole says
I always get crap from people about finding a way to laugh through hard times… I could not agree with you ANY more that its absolutely needed. If everyone sat around and sulked when things got hard or sad nothing would ever get accomplished. The fact that you can make jokes and still find a way to keep your kids happy while going through a hard time proves you’re a strong person ! props to you girl!