I give myself permission to accept this gift!

Something exciting is happening to me tomorrow. Or for me.

Something as exciting as when all the kids went back to school.

For me, anyway.

But before I get to that, I need to confess something.

I hate to clean.

I mean, I really fucking hate it.

I hate it more than I hate that stupid Drake song that’s constantly on the radio.

Or any Drake song, for that matter.

Why do people like that guy? I know I sound like my grandfather, but I don’t get it.

At all.

Listening to Drake is like listening to someone repeatedly slam a door while someone with a cold “sings” a song where they are only allowed to use the same three notes for the duration of it.

I’ll do just about anything for my kids.

I’ll make the sacrifice to put Hits 1 on the radio and listen to One Direction and  Selena Gomez and Ariana  Grande and  Shawn Mendes (actually, I kind of like Shawn Mendes) as I drive them all over creation. But I have to draw the line somewhere. And I draw it at Drake.

I cannot stand him.

I mean, maybe he’s a great guy when he’s not singing.

But I hate his music.

And I know hate is a word that some people don’t like.

But I really fucking hate his music.

Anyway, back to cleaning.

I hate cleaning more than Drake’s “music” and I hate cleaning more than putting on Barbie pants, (which is a pretty close second to Drake). Well, I don’t actually put Barbie pants on myself. That would really be impossible. But not all that much harder than putting those fuckers on the damn Barbie.

Anyway, now that the kids are all in school, I really have no excuse not to clean.

I didn’t really think about that part of them being gone all day.

The part where I wouldn’t be able to blame the no cleaning thing on their being around 24/7 and making it impossible.

I’ve lost my excuse.

I had a good one this summer.

So from June to August I just completely gave up.

With six kids out of school and five of them home almost all day (the oldest had a job), I said fuck it.

There was no point.

I really just tried to keep everyone outside as much as possible.

But there are now areas of my house that make a petri dish look sanitary.


There are areas of my house that could definitely be used as desensitization training sites for germophobes and people afflicted by serious cases of OCD.

I’m not kidding.

So anyway, that exciting thing I mentioned before?



A cleaning company is coming to clean my house tomorrow.


And what makes it about a bazillion times better is that they are going to do it for free.

Of course, in exchange for that I have agreed to promote them.

But someone is coming to clean my house tomorrow!!!

I am going to leave my house in the morning, run errands, workout, and then when I come home, my house is going to be…


I cannot wait.

We haven’t been anywhere near being able to afford anything like that in many, many years.

About eight years ago right after Number 4 was born, we had someone clean the house.

It was amazing.

Is there anything better than leaving your house when it’s a complete shit hole and then coming back and POOF! The cleaning fairies were there?

And it smells really good?

I don’t think so.

The thing that really gets to me is that cleaning-before-the-cleaning-people-come thing.

That’s what I spent my day doing today.

Putting everything back where it belongs (I still hadn’t unpacked some stuff from vacation).

My house is still dirty.

But at least it’s neat now. Mostly.

The other thing that gets to me is that I struggle with having someone else clean my house.

I feel like I should do it.

You know, like I’m lazy and I should just suck it up and do it.

Especially since I have more time now that the kids are back in school.

But you know what?

I just really fucking hate it.

And my therapist would tell me to stop shoulding on myself.

So if I can find a way for this to happen on a fairly regular basis, I’m going to do it.

It’s okay.  I’m definitely not lazy.

And if I can manage to have someone else take care of this for me so that I am freed up to do other things (things that I think I’m meant to do and things that I’m good at and things I enjoy) then I’m gonna do it, dammit!

Besides. Having a clean house will make us all feel better. Calmer.

And I am helping out a local business and fellow small business owner in the process.

So I’m giving myself this gift (it’s my birthday in ten days!) and I am accepting it with some serious gratitude.

Happy early birthday to me!

Now bring on the clean!


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4 replies
  1. Luba
    Luba says:

    I have a local single mom clean my house every couple of weeks. I get to come home to a super clean house every other Monday. There is absolutely no need to feel guilty. It makes us happier people to fill our time with things we actually want to do 🙂

  2. Michelle
    Michelle says:

    I just read somewhere (Oprah’s magazine I think) that if you can outsource a task (cooking/cleaning/ car washing-ugh!) for less than you could make in the time it takes you to do it, you SHOULD do it! I’m rethinking many tasks now!

    • not your average mom
      not your average mom says:

      I am definitely enjoying the clean house!!! I understand the Kanye thing, although I do like that Gold digger song 🙂


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