You call that music? Yep. I’m turning into my grandfather.

Dear Justin Bieber’s Guitarist,

I saw you and the Biebs on Ellen the other day.

And the fact that I watched you two at all is hard enough for me to admit.

But I feel the need to tell you something…

Now, Eddie Van Halen makes a decent annoying guitar face.

But that’s okay, because he’s a legend.

He can make whatever face he wants too.

And Peter Frampton?  Well, he can make his guitar talk, so he has a guitar face free pass also.

I didn’t know that Steven Segal even played the guitar.

He’s washed up now, but at one point, he was actually cool.  And could totally kick your ass.

So free pass for him too.

And then there’s John Mayer.

He’s the Duke of Annoying Guitar Faces.

He may be a little douchey with the ladies, but he can play the crap out of a guitar.

So he’s allowed to do this…

But you are not qualified to make an annoying guitar face.

Or perform that move right there…

That’s not Robert Plant you’re leaning up against.

Or Roger Daltry.

Or Gene Simmons.

It’s…

Justin Bieber.

And I see he’s not wearing a shirt.

I looked very closely, and I don’t see one hair on that teenage chest of his.

And not only do I have underwear that are just about as old as him, I think they may be taller than him.

So, yeah, save the annoying guitar faces for when you really merit them.

For when you are playing guitar for someone who’s stopped growing.

And when you are accompanying someone who has more hair on his chest than, say, I do.