What’s the Ultimate Goal?

I was raised to follow rules.

There were lots of rules to follow at home.

There were right ways to do things and wrong ways to do things.

Actually, there was one right way to do things and every other way was wrong.

So when I first became a mom, even though I’ve taught and coached hundreds of kids and know that they all learn differently and respond to challenges differently, I also believed there was one right way to do things.

You know, my way.

Nobody ever taught me that it’s okay to figure out your own way to do something. Nobody ever taught me what works best for me may not be what works best for everyone else.

That just because one person does things one way, everyone doesn’t have to do them that way.

I think it’s easy to feel like we know the “best” way.

We often very easily forget (or maybe some of us never learned) that there are a million ways to do everything.

Just because one way works best for you that doesn’t mean it works best for everyone.

And then sometimes I think we forget why the rule was made in the first place.

Let’s take making your bed, for instance.

I was taught there’s one way to make your bed, and it includes a flat sheet that’s tucked in on all three sides.

Well my kids made it very clear that they want no part of a flat sheet on their bed.

I clung to that flat sheet for my first couple years of parenting before I finally just let it go.

Because it really doesn’t matter.

Do I want my kids to straighten up their bed and learn to develop some self care habits that they’ll hopefully carry over into adulthood, or do I want to demand perfection and metaphorically beat them into submission?

I don’t want perfection.

I know from personal experience that when we demand perfection we create kids who constantly doubt themselves and never feel good enough.

Ever.

I had one of these moments today.

We keep the lifejackets and paddles for the paddle board in the garage.

Well, that’s where I decided to keep them.

Unbeknownst to me, the kids have been coming inside from the lake through the basement sliding doors, and hanging the lifejackets in the laundry room.

When we couldn’t find them in the garage, we thought we lost a bunch of them until I discovered them in the basement.

I immediately stiffened upon seeing life jackets in the laundry room.

THIS IS NOT THE DESIGNATED SPOT FOR LIFE JACKETS.

But then I thought about it.

The laundry room is not a bad place to hang the life jackets, and it’s often more convenient for the kids to put them there when they come back from the lake.

And what exactly is the result I want?

I want the kids to take the life jackets up from the lake so nobody steals them and so they don’t get all gross.

This objective is accomplished whether they are stored in the laundry room or the garage.

So tomorrow I’ll talk to the kids about where the best place is to keep them.

If it works better for them to store the life jackets in the basement, then that’s where we’ll keep them.

Because my goal isn’t to hammer the kids into submission.

It’s to figure out what works best for ALL of us, and maybe in this case, my way is actually (gasp) NOT the best way.

Is all-or-nothing thinking keeping you from making changes?

We discuss this in Not Your Average FREE Challenge.

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