I can’t remember which one, but there is a magazine that used to have an “in every issue” column called “What’s in Your Purse?”
I think it might have been Glamour.
But now that I’m old and subscribing to magazines like Better Homes and Gardens and This Old House, I don’t get Glamour anymore.
Which is fine.
Because those purses were really depressing.
Celebrities would have the contents of their bags spread out for everyone to see.
It was like MTV Cribs.
But for a purse.
Everything was neat.
And clean.
And organized.
And hair free.
The complete opposite of my purse.
I have never had a nice, neat purse.
Even before kids.
But now,
after kids,
well,
forget it.
When Number 4 was born I still had a purse and a diaper bag.
Over the course of the last 3 kids, the diaper bag fell by the wayside.
My purse took on several roles.
Purse.
Diaper bag.
Back pack.
And garbage can.
Last week I was at the checkout at Shop Rite.
Digging through my purse.
Like I always am, annoying the people waiting in line behind me.
I was looking for my keys and my stupid Shop Rite card.
When they break down the amount of time you spend doing things over the course of your life,
you know,
like sleeping (25 years),
sitting on the toilet (3-7 years),
and waiting in line (1-3 years),
well,
I’d say by the time I hit 75, a good year of my life will have been spent searching for crap in my purse.
So anyway, I have the usual mom stuff in my purse.
You know,
Crayons.
Most of them broken.
Lollipops.
Some of them still in the wrappers.
Most of them unwrapped and coated with a good teaspoon of sand/goldfish/cracker crumbs, as well as at least 10 strands of hair.
But last week I had a first.
Digging through the store sales flyers, the coupons, the lollipops, dirty tissues, diapers, wipes, sippy cups, and loose change,
I found…
A stick of butter.
What. The Fuck.
I don’t even know who to blame that on.
But I think it’s safe to say you won’t be seeing my purse in a magazine anytime soon.
Unless they do a hoarders edition.
Then I might just make the cover.
PLEASE TAKE ONE SECOND TO VOTE FOR ME!!!
i will be 75 in july and i probably spend at least 1 hour a week searching for one card or another if we have to have a card for each store at least put a bell on each one that sounds different so i dont have to pull all of them out to find one.
how funny…my purse is also all my son’s things 🙂
At least you didn’t remember putting the stick of butter in your purse and then tell us why you put it in there, which would have been pretty bizarre. Forgetting it was in there, not so much.
I love your blog. My mom had 7 of us and I was the second so I got to help her raise the last 4. It was fun, sort-of, but I understand what my mom went through.
Omg that is hysterical!!! I’m a mother of 3yr old twins and a 3 month old. I came across your blog searching for a mommy blog who lays it out like it is when it comes to the daily life of chaos, tantrums, and in a state of exhaustion! When I found your blog I was totally hooked!
Lol a stick of butter now that is a first!!! And I totally know what you mean I have so much crap hair crumbs dirty boogie wipes etc… Thank you for sharing your life it helps to know that I’m not alone in this life as a mommy.
This is hysterical! I’m new to your blog and I just love it! I’m a mommy of 3yr old twins and a 3 month old. It’s a relief to know that I’m not alone in this world of chaos, tantrums, meltdowns and sleep deprivation!!
That is hysterical! Im new to your blog and I love it. Im a mother of 3 yr old twins and a 3 month old. There is so much crap in my diaper bag I cant even find the bottom of it!! I’ve given up on a purse these days. After having a day filled of tantrums and chaos, its nice to sit down and read your stories!!!
OMG, that is hysterical!! Stick of butter that is a first. My diaper bag looks more like a trashbag these days. I’ve given up on carrying a purse. Im a mother of 3yr old twins and a 3 month old. I’m new to your blog. I wanted to find a blog that is relatable to my life and tells it the way it really is being a mommy, your blog is awesome. So happy I found it : )
Gotta love kids. My son keeps putting toys in our shoes, the fridge, cupboards…never know what we are going to find.