What I learned in therapy today. (Or, random acts of kindness…they’re not just for strangers).

Today was our second session with the new marriage therapist.

(You can read my post about our first session here.

Now, at some point, I will get into the details of how this therapy works.

But not until I know more about the process.

Let me just say that in this Imago therapy, you don’t rehash shit that you and your spouse have been arguing about for the past two or three or ten years.

And the process is seriously scripted at first.

So you don’t have the opportunity to veer off track into a tangent bash fest.

Going into the office today, my husband and I already knew that our lack of quality time alone together was a problem.

You know, since there isn’t any.

And so I suggested scheduling in a regular date night that we would actually stick to.

One night a week where we would do something together.

And that wouldn’t necessarily mean going out.

Even a night where we could have an uninterrupted conversation before 10 pm would be pretty nice.

I was sure the therapist would tell me it was a great idea.

But instead she said,

I want you to think about this…

Planning in a scheduled night together might look good on paper,

but it doesn’t encourage you to be mindful.

Or spontaneous.

It doesn’t force you to think about something you could do to show your spouse that you love him or her on, say, Tuesday morning.

Because you are just going through the motions until date night rolls around…

Huh.

She was right.

I never quite thought about it that way.

People talk all the time about random acts of kindness.

I’ve committed plenty of those.

You know, with strangers.

But with my husband?

In the past few years, the random acts of kindness in my marriage have been few and far between.

Remember those times?

Back in the early days?

When you would buy a card, or sneak a note in his car, or cook his favorite dinner, or wear lingerie, or give him…

… a blow job?

Yeah. Me neither.

It’s been a while.

I’m going to have to pace myself.

Eventually I’ll work up to bj proportions.

But I think I’ll start out small…

Has anybody seen my razor?

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