We make lots of assumptions when we look at other people.
I’m sure people make lots of assumptions when they look at me.
What they assume probably depends upon where they see me.
If they see me dropping my kids off at preschool in the morning, they might assume I haven’t showered in more than 48 hours.
There’s a good chance they are right on that one.
But if you saw me here, you’d probably think I was a happy mom having fun with her cute daughter.
If you saw this picture, you might assume I was successful enough to land a segment on the Dr. Oz Show.
If you saw me here, you might assume I was a fit mom who was motivated and disciplined enough to get a run in, even if it meant I had to push these two in the stroller to get it done.
If you saw me here, you might think, Wow! She ran the New York City Marathon! She must be determined!
And you would be right on all accounts.
But I bet if you saw this picture,
you wouldn’t look at it and assume,
That woman is on food stamps.
But she is.
When I was finishing up my masters degree in 1993, I never, ever imagined that twenty-two years later I would find myself in this situation.
In fact, I remember back to when I was an undergrad living off campus. I went to the Food Lion to buy some groceries, and I was in line at the check out behind a woman holding up the line with her sheet of stamps.
I was mortified for her.
And I was also judging the shit out of her.
Loser.
And here I am.
With a college degree, a fucking masters degree, and on food stamps.
Except now the label has changed.
To SNAP.
Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program.
And you get a fancy card now.
No more actual stamps.
So why am I sharing this?
Well, I know there are many, many people who abuse the system. I know there are stereotypes.
And I know there are lots of judgmental people out there.
Because I was one of them.
But there are also many, many, many educated, driven, disciplined, accomplished, and fit people who find themselves in situations they never, ever dreamed they would be in.
Hardworking, honest people who rely on the help of others and the government until they can get back on their feet.
And I know that because I am one of them.
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No judgments out of me. My sister was on food stamps/welfare for about 5-6 years while she was a single mom (with zero help from the sperm donor), working two jobs, and going to school full time. The point of the system is to tide people over until they can get out of a rut. The system is exactly for people in your situation. Things will get better because you are trying to make them better. It just takes time.
That is exactly why they are there. Thank you for your bravery once again.
Your readers would love to help you if you would let us. I know you do not like to ask for help but I think you need a fundraising page. Then your readers can contribute to help you and your family. You share so much with all of us it is our turn to share with you.
Agreed! I suggested the same thing to her this morning on Facebook! Go fund campaign for not your average mom!
The world is changing. Its time we learn that asking for help is not shameful and to not shame or judge those that need to help. I am learning this myself now. Life gives us the lessons we need and sometimes thats asking for help.
You need an Amazon affiliate link so that your readers can use it to buy our normal items at our normal price and you get a percentage. It would be our way to pay for the entertainment of your blog. If your readers book mark the link and always use it for their amazon purchases then you will earn a small amount each month versus having everyone give just one time.
We are on SNAP. I am a college graduate with 5 little children. We need help. We are not entitled nor with a sense of it. We are just a large family that has taken a pay cut and now needs all of the help we can get. Thank you for sharing as us bigger families get a bad rap enough as it is. Admitting this would just give them the, “I knew it” mentality. Hoping this sheds some light on it to others <3
Thank you for this!! Thank you for your honesty!! We have 8 kids – I am a fitness instructor w a history and international business law – my husband was a successful business owner (until the economy downturn) who has a masters working on his PhD and we are in the same situation and I know we get judged and I used to judge as well. No one knows others situations and I have learned to show compassion and do my best not to think of others interns of their financial worth.
You are in a tough spot right now… and when I say “tough,” no, I don’t fully understand how tough. But, I do know about struggling (even though I have my Master’s degree as well). I do know about assumptions (I have all of those sweet pictures with my kids, too – minus the marathon ones:)… I know about fear and “are we going to make it through the next month.?” I admire how much you do for others in spite of your own problems, fears and challenges and most importantly, how much you love your family. I honestly don’t know how you do it… I only have 4 babies… Sending love and emotional support. xo
100% correct. I work for the department of health services in my state administering SNAP, state healthcare benefits etc…you could not be more correct. It looks like you, it looks like me, it looks like a lot of people. Thanks for always sharing your story and for helping others share theirs.
Thank you for sharing this. My husband and I were on snap for awhile about 4 years ago. We had made a huge move across country and thought there were jobs waiting. Finding new jobs was almost impossible. That was such a rough time and i wouldnt have pictured us at that stage in our lives ( both in our 50s) needing financial assistance.
You never know what someone is going through, we all have a story.
I found your blog today and started reading through some of your posts. Your honesty is so amazingly refreshing.
And you’re right about everyone’s assumptions. Everyone makes assumptions about people just by looking at them, but you never understand what a person really is going through until you know what is inside of them. I’m a school counselor in an all girls high school and I try all the time to instill that into the girls. Teenaged girls can be brutal and I try to teach them that not everyone is the same and that some people are dealing with things that they don’t know and couldn’t understand and to try and be kind to people instead of judgemental.
Dearest Susie- I look forward to reading your blog everyday. It’s just so REAL. Please let your loyal readers help a bit. You do so much for others! I’m begging you to set up an Amazon list of things that would make your like easier. Do your kids need new socks? Ugh. I swear my kids eat their socks. Put them on the list! Do you need cleaning supplies? Is one of your kids really wishing for a specific something for a birthday? Do you need new running shoes so you don’t lose your mind? Put them on the list! You have inspired so many of us to be better, happier and healthier moms. You will make my day if you tell me how to help. Sending lots of love from Philadelphia!
Government assistance is set up to assist. You need help, so use that help. But you’re an fighter and an inspirational person and I know you’ll bounce back. Until then, you have a right to that card. Your blog does so much for so many. I’m sorry you’re having a tough time. You provide others with a free smile on a daily basis. You’re in my prayers, sista!
As a woman who works for the SNAP program and has a caseload full of people receiving SNAP benefits, I LOVE this post. Everything you said was true! Kudos for once again putting yourself out there honestly. And by the way, the very best thing about my job are the clients I get to meet every day.
Thanks for showing what people on food stamps look like. I think people don’t realize it can be anyone. Thanks for opening peoples eye to a wider view. I like to help underprivileged people reach new heights. Great read.
I really agree with this. Not that I’m proud of it but, I was 18 when I got pregnant with twins. I have been on food stamps ever since. I have always worked. I’m not the one to abuse the system. I have one full time job, two part time jobs, and I am in school part time. With three kids, who have sports practice many times a week. My kids father does not help with nothing. I am working toward becoming a PTA so I do not have to depend on SNAP anymore. I hate being on it.
Thank you so much for this post!! As someone who has been on and off food assistance (when I was first starting out on my own), I cannot express how much it means to me that someone is brave enough to stand up and say, “hey, not everyone is just using the system”. To get a real glimpse of a real person in this situation is rare! I remember the judgmental stares I’d get when purchasing food for my family and the shame I felt when the cashier would blurt out something about my EBT card. It is SO important that we put it in perspective! Sometimes, we all need a little boost.
I admire your bravery! We all need a little help sometimes, even if we’re afraid to admit it. My fiance and I have also gone through tough times and nearly lost our home because of it. Just remember to keep a positive outlook and trust that things will get better 🙂 – Vicki
Thanks for “re sharing” this post. I recently had to apply for snap and felt/feel embarrassed by it, but we just can’t do it right now. My husband owns his own business. I’m pregnant with our 4th child and unable to work due to suffering from Hyperemesis Gravidarum. We can’t make our current bills and we can’t stretch these pennies any further. This helped me realize I’m no less of a human because we need a little help right now. Thanks.
There but for the grace of God…