I’ve been failing Number 3.
I didn’t really realize it until yesterday when I was crying on the phone with his math teacher.
Actually, I realized it earlier in the day. It just all came to a head when I was on the phone with the teacher and I said it out loud.
Number 3 was a pretty organized kid when he was younger. He kept his things fairly tidy, and he always knew where his stuff was.
But in the last three years or so, things have changed.
It started during baseball season.
He kept misplacing his things. His cup. His belt. And then his hat.
And not like he couldn’t find his hat. He totally lost it. And his coach had to give him a new one.
Twice.
He never knew where any of his stuff was, and to be totally honest, I didn’t have any sympathy for him.
He was more than capable of keeping track of his stuff. He just wasn’t doing it.
Then he was misplacing swim suit. His goggles. His fins.
Then it was homework. He’d have it in his hand one minute, and then then next minute it would go missing.
This year he’s in middle school and he has to change his clothes for gym class.
I never know (or ask) when he has gym. I just expect that he’ll remember because, well, that’s his responsibility.
This past week he told me he had a lunch detention because he has forgotten his gym clothes so many times.
He LOVES gym.
And when he told me about the detention, a light bulb went off in my head. A light bulb that should have gone off a long time ago. There is no way in hell Number 3 would willingly miss gym class.
He is seriously struggling with organization.
On the surface, you probably wouldn’t notice.
He shares a room with Number 4 and 5, and while their side of the room is usually a disaster, his side is pretty neat.
In fact, at times, when the room starts to really get messy, he will clean the whole thing up by himself.
He doesn’t mind straightening. When the playroom gets messy, he’ll clean it up without me even having to ask.
But it wasn’t until two days ago that I realized just how often I have found myself saying “Why is it always you? You are always missing things! You need to take responsibility for keeping track of your stuff and putting it away where it belongs!”
He’s ten. He should be able to keep track of his things. Systems have been put in place for him. He should be able to follow them without guidance or assistance.
But you know what?
He can’t.
For whatever reason, he needs help.
And I haven’t been giving it to him.
And when I started crying on the phone to his math teacher yesterday, it didn’t really have anything to do with math.
It was because I realized what I’ve been doing. For years.
And I felt awful.
I should have picked up on this a long time ago.
I should have been working with him to help him develop better routines and strategies.
But this is one of those things that you would never even know to think about or prepare for before you have kids.
You know you’re going to get less sleep and lose freedom and flexibility, but nobody ever says to you, “Having kids is probably the biggest inconvenience you will ever have in your life.”
It’s true.
I love my kids more than anything. Giving birth to them and having the pleasure of experiencing every first moment with them is the biggest gift I will ever receive. The amount of love I have for them is indescribable. And I know every mom out there feels this way, but I don’t imagine anyone could love their kids as much as I love mine. The amount of love I have for them reduces me to tears.
But let’s be honest. Kids are really fucking inconvenient.
They are inconvenient when you have plans to go to out with your husband for the first time in forever and one of them gets sick.
They are inconvenient when you have just stepped foot on the treadmill at the gym and the chick from the babysitting room comes to get you because your kid won’t stop crying.
They are inconvenient when you just finished cleaning the kitchen floor and they drop a glass full of milk on it and send 100,000 glass shards and a shitload of milk onto every single surface of your kitchen.
They are inconvenient when you are on your way to the photographer to have pictures taken and they have their first episode of car sickness all over themselves and also in every single unreachable crack and crevice of your car.
They are inconvenient when they are well over three years old and every kid in your house is finally sleeping through the night and you can start to enjoy getting a good night’s sleep and then one of them starts having night terrors multiple times a night.
Number 3 is having trouble staying organized.
The fact that he needs help is really inconvenient. It’s annoying. It’s frustrating. It’s tiring.
It’s also my responsibility as his mom to help him figure out ways to overcome this issue.
Did I let the inconvenience of his problem affect my ability to realize he needs help?
I don’t know. I think I might have.
I should have known better.
Or should I have?
I could beat myself up. But sometimes, for whatever reason, you don’t pick up on all the clues right away.
It happens. Life happens.
Eventually you figure it out.
It took me a while, but I finally figured it out.
And now, Number 3 and I will figure this one out together.
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