We’re All F*cking A**holes At Some Point

I don’t know about you, but my kids suck right now.

Maybe it’s the end of the school year.

Maybe it’s the anticipation of summer.

Maybe it’s the lingering effects of a seriously shitty winter.

I’m not sure of the reasons.

But they suck.

The fighting and arguing and ignoring and disrespecting is at an all-time high.

And my patience appears to be at an all-time low.

A couple weeks ago, I saw this posted on Facebook on a friend’s page:

A dear and sensitive friend who’s sick just ACCIDENTALLY called her 8 year old daughter a “fucking asshole” and feels terrible (of course). Do you all have any similar awesome/regrettable parenting moments you’d be willing to share so that my poor friend doesn’t feel like such a … Fucking asshole?? Much appreciated!

I hate to say it, but that status update made me happy.

I mean, I feel bad for the dear and sensitive friend.

But I’m glad it’s not just me.

And I know it’s not just that dear and sensitive friend and me.

I was talking to another friend a couple days ago.

Her kids have not been awesome either.

Her husband is running out of patience.

After moving through the stages of impatience, to annoyance, to full blown anger when his kids, who are 2, 8, and 13 weren’t listening to him, he said to them,

“GET. THE. FUCK. (excuse me). UP. TO BED.”

My friend, his wife, said to him,

“Do you realize that you just said ‘Get the fuck, excuse me, up to bed?”

He had no idea.

Sometimes the anger and frustration just gets to be too much.

You don’t even realize what you are saying.

Or it is too late, and the words are coming out of your mouth and you are unable to stop them.

It happens to the best of us.

I am right up there at the level 10, code red stage.

My goals are very simple right now.

There are only two of them.

Keep my kids alive and don’t say “fuck” in front of them.

I have TMJ and a constant headache from clenching my jaw shut in an effort to contain my potty mouth.

And I may have to reevaluate my goals.

A couple days ago, while approaching the rage stage and with teeth gritted, I said to one of the kids,

“If you do not go get dressed right now, I. am. going. to. smack. you.”

Telling him to get the fuck upstairs may have been less damaging than threatening to hurt him.

But saying either one of those things is not the end of the world.

Most of the time, I do the right thing.

I am not going to pile a huge side of mom guilt onto a plate that only has a tiny sliver of patience on it.

Instead, I will take a deep breath.

Or ten.

I will regroup.

If I lose my patience, I will apologize.

That will teach my children a lesson in taking responsibility.

And then, once I have done those things,

I will attempt to do something healthy and clear my head.

Reset the clock.

Meditate.

Take a walk if I can.

Or, if none of those are possible,

I will pass Go.

And I’ll proceed directly to the Blue Moons.

 

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