We Should Hang Out More

Yesterday I shared this picture from the Mom’s Got Ink Facebook page on the NYAM Facebook page:

And one reader was like, “You need to write a blog post on this… Seriously.”

I’ve been thinking about it all day.

I think mom cliques are just as prevalent as middle school and high school cliques.

I noticed this BIG TIME when Number 3 and 4 started preschool.

I knew NOBODY there, and boy, was it hard to break into any inner circle.

In fact, I never really did break into an inner circle.

I just formed my own circle with two other misfit moms who were in the same boat as me.

The only difference between our circle and the other ones was that we woulda easily let anyone else in.

Five and ten years ago, this stuff bothered me.

I wanted to be included.

But now?

NOW I COULD GIVE TWO SHITS.

Because I think I have finally come into my own and become comfortable with myself.

In fact, I think this may be the first time in my almost fifty years on the planet that I truly like myself.

And I don’t need anyone else to like me to know that I’m a decent mom and a decent human being.

In fact, the older I get, the less I want to hang out with anyone, really.

I like being alone.

It’s not a depression-related liking to be alone.

I just don’t need that validation.

I like hanging out with just me.

I used to need to be liked by other people to feel okay.

Not anymore.

I think this is something that comes with age.

I don’t need any reaffirmation.

I’m kind of in limbo right now, to be honest.

Since I’ve quit drinking my interaction with other moms has decreased by like a bazillion percent.

I don’t do mom’s nights out anymore. I never really go anywhere.

I’m not really sad about it.

I haven’t tried to make any new friends who don’t drink.

I’ve just been doing my own thing.

I kind of feel like you don’t need to force it.

The people you need in your life will appear when you are open and ready to receive them.

Last night we got about a foot of snow and school was cancelled today.  I took the kids to the high school to go sledding after receiving a text from one of the kid’s friends.

Let me tell you, I did NOT want to take the kids sledding. I had so much work to do and I just wanted to tell them to go outside in the back yard and play.

But I didn’t. I sucked it up and loaded the younger three and their sleds in the car.

As soon as we got there, I saw a mom who I know, but we have never really had a lengthy conversation.

The funny thing is I had also just seen her the day before at Number 6’s cub scouts Pinewood Derby.

And we started talking, and we talked probably for almost an hour while we watched the kids sled.

We have much more in common than I realize.

Maybe the Universe led me to this mom because she is one of my people.

So I sent her a message.

“We should probably hang out more.”

That was it.

I literally sent that to her in the middle of writing this post.

And you know what she replied?

That’s so funny you wrote me because I was going to text you but didn’t want you to think I was a freak!!! 

So here’s what I want all of you to remember when you are feeling like you are on the outer edge of the mom cliques and you’ll never work your way in.

If you need to force it, it’s not worth it.

Just wait, and be open.

Know that when a group of moms doesn’t appear to be gracious to you, it’s not you.

It’s them.

They aren’t your people.

So hang out with yourself.

You are your people.

And when you are ready, the Universe will align you with another mom who is on the same level of “freak” as you are.

Be patient.

And when you think you’ve met one of your people.

Send them a little message.

We should hang out more.

And then just take it from there.