We may have set a world record yesterday.

So here was last night’s dinner conversation:

#3: Stop touching me.

#4: I’m not touching you.

Spontaneous outburst of singing:

WEEE-EEEEEE, are never ever ever, getting baaaaaaaack together. WEE–”

#2: No singing at the dinner table.

#4: quick glance at #2… increase volume. You go talk to your friends talk to my friends talk to meeeeee. Weeee-“

#3: SHUT UP!

#1: Don’t say shut up.

#5: She said shut up!

#3: Mom — she said the s-word.

#4: That’s not the s-word.

All heads turn to Number 4.

#4: The s-word is SHIT.

Me: Oh, for lack of a better word, shit.

Assume the position: Exhale. Drop head down. Slump shoulders. Close eyes.

Remain in position.

Where did you learn that word?

Please don’t say “from you, Mom” please don’t say “from you, Mom” …

#4: On the bus.

Phew.

#4: So what? Shit? Shit’s a bad word? It’s just shit. See? Shit. What’s wrong with shit?

#5: What does shit mean?

#1 and 2 (in unison): Don’t say that!

#4: Mom! You didn’t answer me! WHAT DOES SHIT MEAN?

#6: Shit.

Oh my God.

#3: Mom, who decided that shit was a bad word? And what is shit?

#6: shit shit shit shit shit…

#4: Mom, seriously, what’s wrong with shit?

Me: It’s just not a nice word. I don’t know why. It means poop. Let’s just stick to poop. And don’t say it in school.

#3: Will I get sent to the principal’s office?

Me: Probably. And if that happens, then you’re in deep shit.

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